Final Farewells

A year has passed since the Valar chained away Melkor. The constant warfare between the Elves, Men, and the dark creatures of Melkor has subsided. Occasional scuffles occur still, but mainly to ward away the fell beasts of the Dark Lord. At last, after centuries of strife, Middle-earth has finally come to a welcome peace. But rumors of a new evil have spread; smoke has been seen from beneath the earth, where Melkor's abode lies. Sauron, Melkor's right hand, is feared to be still alive. It is said that he is rising in place of Melkor, and the terror within the Free People is renewed again. Only time will tell.

There is a hidden place by the river that I went to on this night. It gladdened my heart that this place was left unscathed by all the years of the various wars, especially when the Valar came to aid us. The land after their arrival has changed drastically.

I wince slightly from the pain in my abdomen; I am three months with my first child. My husband is not with me; I have slipped away from our home while he was away. He is not due home for several more days, and I will have returned safely by then. He will never know.

I clutch tightly to a willow tree by the river's edge. I have not been to this place for several years, and I only wish that my reason for being here tonight was a happier one. The war has left none untouched.

"Vanimë?"

I turn around to meet the eyes of Numbor.

"Numbor…" I say in astonishment. "What brings you here?"

He looks soberly at me.

"The same reason you are here. To pay my final respects."

I swallow hard and nod my head.

"It has been years since last we met." he said slowly.

"Indeed it has." I reply.

"What is your news?"

"I have married, and am three months with child."

He smiles, a half-sad, half-happy smile.

"You will make a wonderful mother, I know. What is your husband?"

"Sindar."

"Ah." and he said nothing more.

I am uncomfortable in the presence of my old friend, more so because there are many things I would have liked to say, were it not for him. I too have come to pay my final respects, but also to rest my mind and soul. The burden that I have carried within me for so long aches to be released. I wring my hands constantly, not bearing the silence.

"His family has left these lands, they have returned." Numbor says.

I close my eyes.

"His sister sent me a letter. That was how I knew." I whisper.

Then I began to weep uncontrollably.

"I never meant for this rift between us. I never meant to have changed and become so different. I thought I had to be like the others, not realizing that because I was unlike the rest you both befriended me. And to have not given him my final farewell, that is what haunts me the most! Oh, to go back and change everything!" I wail.

Numbor said nothing, only stared ahead of me into the river.

"I understand if you are upset with me and will not speak to me again. It is my own fault that I lost you both. I tried to fix my mistake by making an even bigger one, and this is the result: he is beyond our reach now, and you have slipped away from me forever. But you must understand why I did it." I implore.

He turns his head away from me as I lay my hand on his arm.

"I ruined everything that summer. I never truly loved him, only a shadow of him. My mind was not with me, and afterwards I never trusted myself to befriend again, afraid of failure. I felt that I was a ruin, and no one should have to suffer as you both did. It seemed you never understood the way I was, and the harder I tried to explain myself the more you seemed to be at a loss. And for that reason I opted to leave you both; I did not want to bring further grief to either of you and myself."

His face is lined with tears.

"I loved you both, and still do. You were the best things that happened to me, until Arquen came along." I said, beseeching him.

"You never knew how hurt we were when you refused to speak with us again; your withdrawal hurt us the most. I became attached to you little lady. When you let go, I felt part of me die. And he was furious too."

"Numbor…" I began.

"Vanimë, listen, I came here to pay him my respect. I have laid this all behind me and do not wish to unearth it. My heart and my mind are reset; I do not wish to hear anything more about it. I am glad to have you seen again, and I know this is the final time we will meet again. May the Valar bless you, Vanimë. Farewell."

And he disappeared before I could say a word, leaving me feeling even more restless than before. I do not blame him; none of this was his fault. I would have done the same if I were in his place.

"I deserve this, I know it." I said, beginning my final farewell to Innas. "You may have thought it harsh of me to have ended our friendship, but it was out of love, not cruelty. But it is too late to repair anything now. I have lost you both, and have lost myself in the process. Apologies are worthless, they are only a fool's hope."

I was silent for a few more minutes before continuing:

"You recall how you said I would make a good wife? I am wedded now to a wonderful Sindarin and am three months with our first child" I choked softly. "Imagine, a Sindarin, after dreaming of an Eldar! But he is not like the others, he understand me. In many ways, he reminds me of you, which both pleases and haunts me.

"I wish I could go back to those times we shared together with Numbor, when I was still in my innocence. But regret does nothing, so that is why I am here tonight, hoping that you will understand me at last and not judge me harshly. I hope I am not tormenting you in the Halls of Mandos. May you rest forever there in eternal peace. As for myself, now I can rest, for I have at last given you my final farewell. Perhaps we may meet again. Namárië!"