It was the kind of order that reminded the Death Eaters why they did what they did –
Go cause mayhem. Destroy as much property as you can. Use magic so flagrantly that it will be weeks before the Aurors manage to Obliviate everyone who witnessed it.
It was meant to serve as a diversion. The Dark Lord was after something (what, he wouldn't say) and he wanted the attentions of his enemies thoroughly focused elsewhere while he went to retrieve it. And it was exceedingly easy to divert their attentions with a legion of followers eager to do your bidding and absolutely no limitations when it came to the methods used to create a distraction.
There was a wild freedom in destruction without fear of repercussions that could only be afforded by service to the Dark Lord. No one else could ensure your safety after you took out an entire city block.
Which was precisely what the Death Eaters were in the midst of doing.
Bellatrix shrieked with laughter as she tore all the glass from all the windows of a tall building with a swipe of her wand and sent it hurtling toward the nearest group of Muggles, who were already retreating from the area quickly. "Aw, look at the ickle Mugglies run!" she called after them. More loud, high-pitched laughter followed. She danced about wildly and began to set fire to things. She was in her element.
Snape was the only other Death Eater in the vicinity – which wasn't surprising, as they had spread out in order to cause damage to as large an area as possible. A steady excitement was building in him, the only outward sign of which was the slightly manic glint in his eyes. He idly tore a chunk from the now-windowless building with a wave of his wand, making it rain rubble and stone dust. His favorite part hadn't come yet. The Aurors would be arriving soon, and that was when the real fun would begin. He loved dueling. It was an art.
The minutes passed, Bellatrix danced from view, and Snape wandered and waited, tearing up the sidewalks in anxious anticipation.
And then he heard a low pop! to his left, and he knew that it was time.
There was a building between him and whoever had Apparated, so he threw himself silently against it and crept around to the opposite side. He cast a shield charm out of learned reflex before he emerged, just in case –
– which was fortunate, because the Auror had anticipated his approach and was behind him instead in front of him. Snape felt the shield absorb the stunning spell, and in a split second processed the situation and thought excitedly Ah, a challenge! and he spun around and –
There, in front of him, stood Lily Potter.
Snape was experiencing a strange sensation, like he was being eaten from the inside out. Like he was melting and dissolving and suddenly he lost track of his identity, he wasn't so sure that he was Severus Snape, faithful servant to the Dark Lord anymore, and it wasn't fair because that identity was painless and whatever this was certainly wasn't.
"Severus?" Lily choked, sounding like the name had been torn from her.
There was no question of how she had recognized him; they would know each other anywhere, no matter what masks they wore.
He should have known this day would come. They were on opposing sides of a war, it was preposterous to assume they would never meet in battle –
There was a flood of forgotten things, repressed things, from a time when he was Sev, best friend of Lily Evans – but that boy was long dead – should have been long dead – There was no use in him existing anymore when there was no hope of being with the one he loved. She was married now and they were technically enemies, this he knew.
The pointlessness of the love and pain did nothing to stop him from feeling both acutely.
It was only by habit that Snape the Death Eater, who felt no such emotions and had been working for years toward that end, was able to maintain control.
"Lily Potter," Snape said evenly. His voice didn't betray the chaos inside.
They stood, a stone's throw apart, wands pointed at one another, for what seemed like years. The silence stretched, punctuated by far-off sounds of destruction and battle which didn't relieve any of the tension of their confrontation. It felt as though they were the only two people in the world.
In the distance, green light shot suddenly into the sky, and a moment later the Dark Mark loomed over the city. They both saw it.
The silence dragged on a moment longer, and then Lily asked, "Are you going to do it?"
Snape understood her meaning, with the image of the Dark Mark burning itself into his peripheral vision, but no part of him could conceive of attacking Lily with the intent to kill. He wouldn't, not even for the Dark Lord, a traitorous thought for which he would most certainly be punished if it were ever known. He wondered if he would turn on his master were Lily to ask him.
No – he had no place in her world, and she would not offer him one now besides. She was a creature of light and he of darkness. She would forever be the one bright part of his life, but he had been to her a hindrance to the happiness she deserved.
Even though he knew there could be no reconciliation, no reparation of the damage he had done… Even though he knew it was far, far too late, it hurt Snape to know that Lily thought him sunk so low that he could hurt even her.
Snape gave no reply; there was nothing to say. He lowered his wand, despite his dueling instincts screaming at him that this was a suicidal move. He needed to be rid of the pain, and so he ripped his gaze from Lily, turned, and stalked away with the intention of Disapparating (where, he did not know, only elsewhere, away from here) –
"Coward!" Lily suddenly shouted, her voice hysterical.
Snape halted and looked back. Lily had lowered her wand, but her hands were curled into fists at her sides. She was shaking.
Masks revealed no emotion. And so Lily did not see how, for a split second, remorse had been apparent on Severus's face.
The length of a heartbeat later, he had Disapparated.
With his thoughts as scattered as they were, it was remarkable that Snape managed not to splinch himself. He was focused almost entirely on pain, and perhaps that was why he ended up where he did. If any place embodied pain, it was this place.
He remembered hushed conversations they had had, united by the vast and wonderful secret they shared… He remembered being here with her as a child, remembered it with an agonizing longing. He remembered trees along the banks of this river, sunlight glistening on clear water.
It was not the same place at all. The trees were gone, and there was no evidence that they'd ever been there. Tall, sickly-looking grass took its place. The river ran foul and black, rubbish strewn along the water's edge. Ruined.
Severus Snape the Death Eater should have returned to his master, but instead the little boy called Sev sank to the ground and wept.