It's been a while since I've last seen Poland. We spent a lot of time trying to avoid each other, but I knew that wouldn't be possible for long, we'd have to talk eventually, regardless of if we wanted to or not. Would it be so bad to say that I would have really rather have had someone else speak to him instead? After being around someone so impossible for years, it gets old quickly. There's a lot of things I don't see getting smoothed over between me and him in the near future.
To be honest, I wonder if I really want to fix them. He'll only get attached again and the same things will happen over and over again. The same exact excuses over and over. I was tired of it. There's only so much I can take of halfhearted apologies and a promises. I wonder if he's still asking why it all fell apart, but I already know why: we're too different.
When I walk in the room, I feel uncomfortable as he looks me in the eye. It's not hostile, but it's not friendly either. He's very formal when we talk, none of the old excitement and slang he used to use at me every single day back then is used. I remember hardly being able to understand him at times because it was that bad, it was actually sort of comical when you got past all of the confusion. There's no nicknames any more; I'm "Litwa" again. This should make me more happy then actually does. He doesn't deviate away from business, unlike he used to do only a few years back, where he'd constantly change the subject out of boredom. It honestly feels strange hearing him say things so carefully. Maybe he's finally figured it out. It's as if we were both strangers to each other, as if the past didn't exist.
Our meeting is finally wrapping up, it was short and to the point, and much less painfully irritating then I thought it would be. We grab our things in silence, and just as we're about to go our separate ways he stops in the doorway.
"Hey Litwa," He says, "Do you still hate me?"
I don't respond and I continue out the door, hoping he'll assume that I didn't hear him and that it was all just bad luck.
But the truth is, I don't know the answer to that. I'm tired of thinking about it.