White Blank Page
Disclaimer - Don't own a thing!
Note- Don't own a thing, I just adore this song, and feel like it was made for this relationship and this scenario. It's been buzzing round my head for weeks and this is my first attempt to get it on paper (/screen) so don't judge TOO harshly! But I welcome reviews guys!
(And, again, it's my first remotely Destiel fic.)
White Blank Page
And so it happened this way again. And he'd be damned if he wasn't getting sick of it.
'Can you lie next to her, and give her your heart as well as your body?
And can you lie next to her, and confess your love as well as your folly?
And can you kneel before the king and say I'm clean? I'm clean...'
Just another sleazy bar where Dean had brought Cas one night. Scantily clad women meandering through the drooling male crowd casually brushing a shoulder and more often than not shooting Dean a flirtatious look. Castiel noticed that the women making the rounds tended to visit their table almost twice as often as any of the others in the room. He looked over at Dean for some reassurance as one of the girls wandered over and squeezed his shoulder, leading him away. The Winchester spelled out some "ground rules" and handed over a few bills, winking before turning his attention to the tall blond behind him. Castiel's eyes lingered on Dean a little longer as he was lead away.
Castiel stood very still, Uriel by his side, facing Sam, Anna and Dean. Watching her go to him to say goodbye. Watching his mouth on hers. The pain on his face at having to lose her. The furrow of his brow and the softness of his lips.
Dean wandered up to the fridge where the petite blonde was rummaged for her third beer. Turning around she jumped at the sight of him as he edged closer and delivered just another cheesy pick up line. Castiel looked up from where he was sat with Ellen and Sam who continued to chat as though he wasn't there. His eyes glued to the couple, and then more specifically to Dean. He knew, with Jo, that this wouldn't be enough for him to get what he was looking for tonight. But the point was, he was looking for it.
The night was heavy and humid as Dean rang the door bell. The ring hung in the air until the door swung open and Lisa and the eldest Winchester exchanged a few quiet words and then an embrace that seemed to last an eternity. Castiel stood just beyond the edge of the driveway looking at them as it occurred to him, that more and more, Dean seemed really emotionally involved with these women. But he wasn't. He couldn't be.
'So tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?
Oh tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?'
It was hard to place his feelings, but how can you name a feeling that you've never experienced before. He supposed the line between friendship and love was thinner than he'd thought… but then had they ever really been friends. From the first moment he'd touched Dean, raising him from perdition, nearly three years ago now… He'd never seen him any other way than he did now. Always loved what he did, what he stood for. Always loved him.
'A white blank page, and a swelling rage,
You did not think when you sent me to the brink,
You desired my attentions, but denied my affections.'
And so it happened this way again. And he'd be damned if he wasn't getting sick of it. Pure envy, seemed to boil inside him only to be pushed down by awful bursts of lust. Well, he was fallen, he'd rebelled. Why not throw in a few sins. But it scared him. No more than that, terrified him, how much he… felt. Every time Dean called him, he tried his best to get there, but on arrival met with nothing but demand after demand. Order after order.
And then to have to watch him, watch him flirting, loving and being loved by other people. Even another angel.
'So tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?
Oh tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?'
He hated that he had somehow been dumped into another impossible situation. When in some rare instances he'd gather the courage to tell the eldest Winchester how he felt, he'd feel drained and empty as soon as he saw him. He hated it. It wasn't his fault, but it certainly wasn't fair.
'Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life,
Lead me to my truth and I, will follow you with my whole life.'
Not that he'd ever leave. Not that he'd ever act. He'd just watch, and wait, and hold onto his unrequited love. In his own little Purgatory.
NOTE
I know I know, ALL ABOARD THE ANGST BOAT. But it's been gnawing at me ever since a first heard the damn song! (Which is Mumford and Sons - White Blank Page btw)
Please read and review! LOVES :D