PART 1

I sat down at the bar, the jacket of my custom made tuxedo dumped unceremoniously on the empty seat beside me.

"I'll have a double Jack Daniels." I growled at the bartender before he had chance to ask. My life was falling apart as I sat there and within the next two hours or so it would be in ruins.

I just didn't understand how I could let this get so far outta hand.

The drink was placed before me wordlessly, that was good, I was in no mood for happy-crap with the bartender. I took a sip and let the thoughts roll back into my mind.

We had always been friends, what with our families working in the same business and our fathers sharing the spotlight. But then, that summer things changed, Randy Orton became my hero. I woulda moved mountains to be just like him. Of course it wasn't until years later that things got really fucked up, but it started off with a simple act of kindness from a good friend…

Summer 1995…The McMahon Estate

It was another mindlessly predictable social gathering for the WWF stars at the boss' house, of course back then many didn't realize he was the boss.

Anyway, there I was sitting against a tree in the vast back yard, bawling my 10 year old heart out after that bully Teddy D. had hit me in the face and pushed me violently to the ground before stealing my Wolverine action figure, a gift from my brother Dustin.

Wiping viciously at the tears running down my face, I didn't even care that my nose was bleeding, knee was scraped and my new clothes were a total write off. I sat there crying and verbalizing every nasty adjective a 10 year old kid can think of.."Freakazoid! Creepo! Bogsnot! Shit-brain!"

Okay that last one wasn't mine, it's what my Dad would call Uncle Vince when he wasn't around. But it fit the bill here so I figured why not?!

A shadow fell over me and I caught my breath thinking Ted had come back for more. I looked up quite startled but breathed a huge sigh of relief at the sight of my friend, Randy. He was standing there, looking down at me with a mix of horror, anger and care stamped across his face.

"Whats the matter, Codester?" he asked soothingly as he knelt down and cupped my neck in his hand. It's amazing how that one touch has always managed to calm me down.

At almost 5 years older than I am, Randy was like a big bro, someone who I trusted with all the deepest secrets a kid has to keep. It had always been easy to talk to him.

"It's noth.. nothing serious." I managed to say in-between sniffs. Tears threatening to fall again. Randy was 15, I musta looked like such a baby to him.

"Now don't go givin me that shit, baby-boy. Tell me who hurt you." He replied softly, but in a voice I knew I could not deny.

"Its Teddy. He..he took my W..Wol…Wolverine!" the tears fell freely now.

Randy sat down and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his lap as one hand stroked my hair.

"SShhh, its gonna be alright. Don't cry baby-boy. I'm right here. Ted's gonna hear from me just as

soon as I get you cleaned up and back to your smiling self."

The anger in his voice was all too clear.

Randy took me by the hand and led me into the enormous house unseen by the steadily drinking adults. When we were safe behind the locked door of a bathroom the size of an average American house, he sat me down on the edge of the bathtub and examined my war wounds. Without a word he took a towel from the cabinet, wet it and cleaned up my nose and scraped up knee. I sat in awe of his gentle hand and the way he kept glancing at me, as if my being hurt somehow hurt him.

Shortly, I was once again presentable to the world. With a brief hug and a ruffle of my hair Randy lead me once again to the back yard of the estate.

We saw Ted in a flower bed attempting to bury my beloved Wolverine. Randy stiffened beside me.

"You little shit!" he growled so low I barely heard.

Ted musta felt something though because at that moment he looked up and saw Randy taking a measured step toward him. He dropped the Wolverine and backed away.

"Oh come now Teddy-bear," Randy said mockingly, "Don't run, you know that's just gonna piss me off more."

Teddy took off at the speed of light. Sighing, Randy picked up the figurine, wiped it on his once clean white shirt and handed it to me. With a last ruffle of my already destroyed hairstyle, he took off after the bully.

Ted was 13. Randy was 15. In kiddy maths that pretty much meant Ted was gonna be in a lot of hurt.

After that day, Ted never set foot wrong in my presence again. Whatever Randy had said or done… most likely a bit of both… had worked. He was my hero, the most awesomest friend any kid could have. And I knew I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. He was cool as a viper (excuse the pun) and I was the loyal side-kick.

As I sat there swirling the whiskey in my glass, I wondered how often a person's heart could break before it could not heal. I felt like I had finally reached that point, knowing that in roughly an hour and some change, the man that I loved would be married!

PART 2

The summer that I turned 18, is when everything started to change. I had begun to realize that the whole girlfriend and porn thing just was not working for me. The videos my friends raved about did not make me aroused and kissing girls was way, way down on my list of things to do.

Randy was a natural with the ladies however, and they all seemed to flock to him. He didn't seem to mind the attention that much either.

It was also that particular summer that I finally realized WHO turned me on.

That particular road to self-discovery had a great many pot-holes I might add. The feelings of apprehension and nervousness were always present in some form or other whenever we were together.

But it wasn't until that day in the empty arena, in the ring I would one day make my career, that he became the star of my shower fantasies and those night time dreams.

Randy and I had spent most of that afternoon exploring the enormous arena. By the time we finally clambered into the ring we were both rather hot and sweaty. But the adrenalin was still pumping and we figured now was as good a time as any for a mock-match. Randy was dying to show me the RKO which was to be his signature move in the ring. I was so proud of how far he had come in the WWE at the age of just 22.

He turned and climbed to the top rope, facing the empty arena he proceeded to pull his shirt off and strike a pose that immediately had my mind wandering in dangerously sexy direction. Then he jumped down and turned to face me. The only thing my mind registered was the ripple of perfect muscles as he flexed out.

"Come on, Codes" he gestured toward my shirt, "Take it off and let's GET READY TO RUMMBLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE!" he

yelled in a mock announcers voice.

There was smirk on my face as I obediently complied. To be honest with you - all I could think about was being able to touch his glistening skin and my hands ached to feel him.

"What the fuck's goin on with you, Runnels?" I muttered to myself as I shook my head to clear it. I threw my shirt over the ropes and began to circle the ring in unison with him.

We feigned and lunged. Warming up and talking at the same time about what lay in store for us this next year.
For me it was time to seriously consider college, scholarships and that offer from OVW that I had kept so well hidden for the past few weeks. Randy, was getting set to make his WWE in ring debut on the RAW brand in just a few short weeks.

We were having a great time and I was more than holding my own against the old man! Currently he was only one pin ahead of me. Age and experience always trump youth and rebellion… my ass! I was gonna win this time.

My focus on victory was interrupted by Randy's almost child-like voice…

"Hey, hey Codes, I almost forgot… I wanna show you the RKO dude, it's awesome. My dad came up with it for me a few years back at OVW and it's gonna be a hit with the audience Vince reckons." He jabbered excitedly.

"Yea sure bro," I replied smiling at his enthusiasm, "bring it on!"

He stepped toward me in a flash and before I knew it I felt a strong arm ensnaring my neck. In sheer shock I couldn't stop myself from grabbing onto Randy's waist. The realization that I was holding him this way sent me into a lust-induced spiral and I couldn't stop myself from memorizing the feel of his sweating skin. Without meaning to my hands slid down his sides and my face was in his neck. I breathed in, inhaling his scent. He smelled like sweat, sun, pine and cigarettes. Fuck, I wanted him so bad.

I heard his breath hitch, and I froze. A sense of dread replaced the desire that was pumping through my veins. What the hell was I doing? Before I could get further, I felt him lift of the ground and the next second I was flat on the mat with a triumphant Randy staring down at me.

'Oh Shit damn it!,' I thought. He is so gonna hate me. What the fuck was wrong with me anyways? The guilt consumed me. What was he going to think? I didn't understand why my body had been aroused that way. My dick was throbbing from being so hard and I prayed hard that he had not felt or seen the bulge.

He looked so goddamn hot standing shirtless in that ring.

He smiled and put out a hand to raise me up. I glanced heavenward and sent about a million thank you's to the guardian angel that must have been sending in a transfer application at that very moment.

"Pretty sweet move huh?" he asked seemingly oblivious to my raging boner.

I took his hand and was half pulled to my feet.

We moved to the edge of the ring and retrieved our water bottles. I floored most of mine in a single gulp, not just because I was thirsty. Randy drank a long sip before pouring the remaining water over his head. The liquid cascaded down his body.

Without thinking, which is something I do quite often, I risked a look at his chiseled abs, which perhaps was not one of my brightest ideas.

I was confronted with his glistening torso.

My eyes latched onto a bead of water running down his chest, over his abdomen and stopping just above the waist band of his jeans, the predictable black briefs visible as always.

In my mind I saw myself clearly lick it away and couldliterally feel his skin against my tongue... That is when it dawned on me all at once…

I was totally, undeniably fucked.

There was no easier way of putting it, I had fallen in love with Randy.

PART 3

Things changed for me in a big way after that summer. I was in love with Randy. That was easy enough to swallow, it was something that I could learn to live with. I had no problem with these feelings for Randy. I mean come on, the man had managed to worm his way into my heart like no one ever had. This pretty much made him the most important person in my life.

Then there were all the times that I wondered if he felt that change too. There were the touches when none were called for, his fingers would linger a little longer than normal. When we did even the most ordinary things like watch a movie or go to gym there always seemed to be some form of contact with each other.

All of these touches were torturous for me, I wanted so much to be more than just his friend. Sometimes, I would feel his eyes on me and I wanted desperately to look up and meet his gaze, but I just couldn't. I was scared shitless that he would see the desire burning in my eyes.

Desire that was only for him.

It was just 8 months ago at the McMahon Estate (ironic isn't it?) for the annual WWE Christmas Party, that I began to hope just a little bit, but then it all got snuffed out.

The night had been going by way to slowly. I spent most of my time stealing glances at Randy, who looked so fucking hot in a suit, I had seen him in the same outfit many times before, but, for obvious reasons, he looked more desirable tonight than he ever had before.

Have I mentioned to you already that I was totally fucked by this whole situation?! I had a very um… hard time containing my throbbing erection that evening and was thankful it was dark in the house.

I was on my fourth or fifth glass of champagne by the time it got to about midnight. Linda had only one strictly enforced rule, we could drink as much as we liked at the party, but had to stay the night should we not have a ride home. I checked the clock and saw that there was still about half an hour until midnight and the whole gift swop saga.

I needed some fresh air.

I stood on the balcony of the bedroom that I was to share with someone or other and breathed in heaps of the refreshing night air. All I could think of was Randy, and what I wanted to do to him. As I stood there, a feeling of sadness overtook me as I realized that these dreams would always be mine... and only mine.

The booze must have affected me more tonight because I couldn't stop the tears from forming and slowly falling down my cheeks. I stood there like a fool and cried silently. Ok, I cussed like a trooper too. I wanted so badly to tell him how I felt, but I also knew it would do nothing but destroy a friendship. So instead I cried for what would never be.

At some point in my standing there, I felt a familiar touch on my shoulder. Caught unaware, I jerked around and looked up at the eyes of the man that was the cause of my pain. I turned to face him full on, never breaking eye contact.

"What's wrong Coddles? Why are you so upset?" his silky voice asked me. And he used that name, like when he cared for me as a kid. Fuck!

I was incapable of speech at this point, so I did the next best thing, shook my head from side to side. He reached out and pulled me to his chest. That was all it took. He held me close and stroked my hair as sobs shook my body. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his waist. He kept whispering to me and I felt his warm breath in my hair.

In time I was able to calm down, feeling peace being held in his arms. It felt like home.

I felt his hand under my chin and he slowly lifted my face to meet his. I saw the questions burning behind his dazzling eyes. He reached up to brush my face and I just couldn't help myself anymore, I turned my head towards his handand placed a light kiss into the centre of his palm.

A shudder went through his body. I looked up at his face with fear and a mix of desire, his eyes were darker and filled with something else I couldn't understand.

I looked down at his lips and watched in awe as they parted. His tongue slipped out to wet the lower lip. At that point I was already beyond fucked and lost total control of my senses. I crushed my lips against his, grabbing his hair to make sure he didn't pull away.. If it was the only one I was ever gonna get, I intended to make it count.

He stood there frozen as a statue for a few seconds before I finally felt his lips move with mine. When his lips parted, I took the opportunity to truly dominate his mouth with mine. I could clearly taste the alcohol and cigarettes on his tongue, the taste that was pure Randy.

Still holding me, he shifted and our groins met. I moaned out in pleasure at the electric jolt of our erections coming together. I lifted my mouth from his and placed it on his neck, kissing the salty skin that was there. I trailed my tongue along his jaw and kissed my way to the collar of his dress shirt. I wanted more and holy fuck I wanted it right now!

I pushed him towards the bed, he sat down and I straddled him, never breaking the kiss. He pushed my tux jacket off my shoulders. I looked at him as I sat back on his knees, I realised that I needed him to tell me this was acceptable. He looked at me confused for a second before cupping my neck in his hand and pulling me back to him.

We sat there for an eternity kissing over and over again and our bodies were beginning to complain that this was not near enough.

I slowly stood up and he looked up at me with questioning eyes. I looked down at him, not wanting to say anything to break the spell we were under, and slowly began to unbutton my shirt. When he saw what I was doing, he shook his head and jumped up to stop me; I felt my heart plummet down to the floor, it was over, I had ruined it.

But instead, I felt his hands replace mine and he slowly began to undo my. When he got all the buttons undone, he pulled the shirt off of me. He stood there and looked at me for a few seconds, and then I felt his hands on my chest. He lightly stroked his soft fingers across my chest, grazed at my nipples and then followed down to my abdomen.

I groaned out loudly as I felt him dragging his nails through my treasure trail. Next, I felt his hands begin to undo my pants.

I felt the pants drop and I quickly got out of my socks and shoes, then I stood before him in my boxers. His eyes drifted down my body and then stopped and stared at my erection which was tented against my underwear. I saw him lick his lips and then he reached out a hand to pull them off me. Fuck, I nearly came right then. That would be no good, I needed him as naked as I was, so I stopped his hand and reached out to remove his clothing too.

He allowed me the same pleasure.

Without knowing how I got there, I found myself on my knees before him. I could not resist placing a soft kiss on his stiffening shaft. He groaned in desire and bucked his hips up into my face. It was beyond my wildest dreams that he would desire me this way too. I raised my eyebrows in a silent question and I watched as he gulped and then, he nodded his head.

I had never sucked a dick before and it had never been done to me, but I was dying to taste Randy. The sight of him naked and hard before me was both beautiful and breathtaking.

I leaned forward and parted my lips and took the tip into my mouth. I heard him say the first words since our lips touched.

"Cody, please, ah fuck." he growled in a voice of pure need.

I took that as my cue. I gently cupped his balls in my hand and licked the underside of his dick. Then took him in my mouth once again. I moaned in pleasure at having this beautiful man to myself. I licked and sucked him over and over again until I felt his balls tighten in my hand.

"Codes…Fuuuccckkk!" He screamed as the streams erupted from him and down my throat. I swallowed every last drop before looking back up at him.

He grabbed me under the arms and pulled me up his body so that he could attack my lips again. He kissed deeply and tasted himself on me, which only made me that much fucking harder.

I could feel his hands ghost over my erection. Then he slipped his hand around my cock. His eyes never left mine as he slid his hand up and down my manhood, drawing me closer to eruption with each stroke. He kept up his pace and I buried my face in his neck as I came over his hand.

I could have stayed there forever, but now that it was over, the worry set in and I wondered what he was thinking.

I slowly extracted myself from him and stood up. I pulled on my discarded underwear and cleaned up as best I could. I had started to dress, when I looked over and saw the shattered expression on Randy's face.

Instinctively, I walked over, knelt down in front of him and reached to comfort him. He flinched and pulled back from my touch and I literally felt the pain rip through my heart. He stood up, I jumped back and looked away.

We stood there almost forever. He could hear him cry softly and all I could do was stare out the window wondering what the fuck I was thinking when I kissed him.

I heard him slowly start to dress himself and I was not brave enough to turn around and talk to him. I was afraid again, of telling him what I had been feeling and I knew that now was not the time.

I heard him walk towards the door and whisper, "I am getting married Cody, I can't do this, forgive me please."

I heard the soft click of the door and knew he had left, I collapsed to the floor and let the sorrow take me away.

As I said, I could harbour the feelings I had for Randy. But not what happened that night. It was just too hard to comprehend that no matter what I felt or did, I wasn't what he wanted and that rendered any and all feelings useless.

PART 4

It took the better part of the past 8 months before we were comfortable with each other again and I had fully buried the love I felt every time I saw him.

At some point during the heartache, I realised that if having him in my life meant only being his friend, then surely that was better than nothing.

But, fuck, it did break my heart a little more.

We were both involved in the draft. Myself to Smackdown and Randy to remain on RAW. I was up for a push with the IC Championship and Randy was a successful face.

The wedding was fast approaching.

Randy called me, a few months back, and asked me to be his best man. I could tell he was nervous as hell and I was scared as fuck but I told him that I was honoured. I was silently cursing him for making me put up with the torture of standing next to him while he gave himself to her.

John… (of course John Cena you shit-brain! You think I meant John Kennedy?!)… Anyways, John threw him the bachelor party of the century. All of our friends were there. There was alcohol and strippers galore. I watched in disgust as Randy received lap dance after lap dance from the whores pretending to be exotic dancers.

As I watched him, I tried to wrap my head around the fact that in just 24 hours, I would lose him forever.

I went back to my hotel room last night and cried myself into dreamless sleep.

I was woken up early this morning by knocking on my door. I got out of bed and opened the door. It was Randy. I thought his jaw was going to hit the floor as he took in my appearance. I stood there in my boxers, with my hair a mess and my body flushed from sleep.

I guess this is where the shit hits the fan…

Randy stood there for a moment staring at me, and then he shook his head and looked right into my eyes.

"Codes, may I please talk to you?" What the fuck is it now?! I wondered. I must admit I was in shock at finding him

there.

"Yes, Rands, gimme me a minute to get dressed and I will be right out." I grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from my suitcase and disappeared into the bathroom.

I slowly got dressed and walked back out. He was in the centre of the room, pacing in circles.

I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and calm him down, but that wasn't in my job description, it was in Sam's.

Ok, I was more than a little pissed at her, I couldn't help it.

"Okay, Randy. What the hell was so important that you had to wake me up at 8am to talk about it?" I asked him.

He looked up at me with wild, worried eyes and stopped pacing.

"I'm getting married today." he whispered.

"Yes, I know." Duh, I am the best man.

"I'm.. I… it's.. Im scared, Cody. What if I am making a mistake? What if I am trying to make everyone else happy instead of myself?" He spoke in a fast, nervous voice. He was looking up at me with tears in his eyes and I didn't know what to say.

"Do you love her Randy?" was all that came to mind.

"I… Yes." he replied.

"Then I don't understand what this is all about. You're nervous because the wedding is in a few hours. Saying 'I do' for the rest of your life is a really big step, but if you love her, then I think you are doing the right thing here."

I felt my heart try to keep beating as the words that were killing me poured from my mouth.

Don't cry. Don't reach for him. Get a fucking grip Runnels!

Randy closed the distance between us in a few steps and stood there, looking at me with blazing eyes, trying to get a reign on his emotions.

"Coddles… is there… is there any reason at all you can give me not to go through with the wedding?"

What the fuck is he asking me? Was it a trick question?

I could not believe what I was hearing from him. What was he expecting? Did he want me to get on my hands and knees and beg him to choose me? That shit just wasn't going to happen, if he wanted me, which let's be honest was a fucking long shot, he would have to be the one to tell me.

"No, Randy, I can't think of any reason why you shouldn't marry Sam. She is a good girl and she will make you happy." I spoke as my heart almost stopped beating.

I didn't meet his eyes as he whispered his acceptance of my words. I watched in agonising silence as he turned his back and walked out of the door and out of my life.

I know I looked like shit and I was still trying to build up enough courage to get to the church and be the best friend, the best man, that I am supposed to be. I just don't know if I am strong enough to actually stand up there by his side while he marries her and keep the devastation off my face as every word that they speak, joins them together in a way that he and I can never be.

I floor the rest of my whiskey and raise a hand to the barman to order another. With the same silent efficiency as the first time, he takes my empty class and replaces it with another. I lift it off the counter and as I'm about to take the first sip, the glass drops from my hand.

All at once it hit me. And I feared I was too late.

EPILOGUE

I was so fucking stupid.

I was so pissed that he was getting married that I didn't speak up when I had the chance this morning. And he was right fucking there! Now I recognized the look on his face for what it was and my heart raced in delight even as my mind warned I was too late.

He was looking at me with the same emotions I had every single time I looked at him. Ok, I didn't know if his were love in the same way as I felt for him, but before he pledged his love to another in front of everybody in the church, I had to know.

I fumbled for my wallet, ripped it open and threw some money down on the bar, grabbed my coat and ran out the door. The barman stared after me like I was a lunatic.

Once outside I dug viciously in the coat pockets for the keys to my rental car. Thank fuck for a decent company card, I gunned the Mercedes to life and sped off towards the church.

I was gonna get a heap of speeding fines in the mail.

All the way I prayed I wasn't too late to tell Randy that I loved him and I hoped, rather recklessly I admit, that he would tell me the same.

When I pulled up in front of the church and was distraught to see people exiting the sanctuary.

I looked at my watch, I was too late. The wedding had ended just under an hour ago. My heart broke for the last fucking time in my life and this time I didn't know if I would survive.

I knew right then and there that I couldn't live without him and I prayed for to be taken from this fucked up world quickly. Feeling hopeless, drained of all emotion, I sat down on the steps of the church and cried for the love I lost as people, total strangers in my mind, walked past me.

"So sad….shouldn't have happened to a girl that nice…" said a voice I didn't recognize.

My ears perked up and I looked around frantically for the speaker. He was two steps below me.

Wiping tears furiously from my eyes, I grabbed the man's hand and turned him to face me.

"What is so sad?" I asked.

"Haven't you heard boy? Wedding was called off by the groom at the last minute, th-"

I didn't let him finish.

I dropped his hand like a volcanic rock and took off running for the church. I flew up the stairs and burst through the front doors.

I didn't expect the sight that confronted me. I saw Randy's family huddled in the front, but I saw no sign of Randy. Sam's family were sitting in shock in the front pew. I didn't have time for pleasantries.

I snuck around them and walked to the back where the bride and groom chambers were. As I rounded the corner I saw Randy and Sam standing together, their foreheads touching, words being whispered between each other.

Randy had called the wedding off, but the image before me didn't seem to fit the news. I tried to back away, but I hit a painting on the wall and both sets of their tear filled eyes turned toward me.

I froze like a deer in a car's headlights. Sam gave me a weak smile and turned back towards Randy. She gave him a soft look and walked forward to meet me. She stopped in front of me and reached out a hand to caress the purple marks under my eyes. Then, catching me off guard, she took a hold of my hand and walked me over to Randy where she placed my hand in his. With a fragile smile kissed us both on the cheek and walked off back to her waiting family.

Inside I was trembling. Every breath hitched. Randy and I stood there for what seemed an eternity.

When I thought I couldn't take it any longer, he raised his other hand to brush my tear stained cheek before planting a lingering kiss on my shaking lips.

And then, I heard him say in the faintest, most tender of whispers...

"It's you, Cody. It was always you."