A/N: Hey, Lovelies! So, I'm in the process of rewriting this. At first, I was just going to create a whole new story, but then I realized that wasn't very sensible when I could just change the chapters in this one. That way, I could avoid new readers waiting for chapter updates. I have two other stories I'm working on right now and time is not something I have an abundant supply of.
Anyways, if this is your first time reading, thanks!
Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.
If I was being honest, I was never really ashamed of what I was. Yeah, if my brother were to somehow find out my secret he would be so disappointed in me, but I enjoyed what I did.
When I was in pain from my stepfather beating me, it was all I had to do to forget for the night. I got money and it helped pay the bills that my drunken mother had never bothered to look at.
At least I could remember that I did not always look how I really acted. Well, thinking about it, I never really acted a certain way.
It was as if when the dark of night came over the city of Tulsa I became a whole new person.
If you were friends with me in the daytime, you would know that I was very quiet and reserved. I was not very pretty during the day. I wore a little makeup, but it never did much. My hair was plain, brown and straight. It reached my shoulders.
Sometimes my brother would bother me; saying I paid as much attention to my looks as he did to going sober. My brother got on my nerves a lot, but I put with him because he cared about me and I guess you could say that was a rarity.
"Lizzy!" I heard my brother, Two-bit, yell from inside the house. I had been out front, sitting on the porch, enjoying my own company. I sighed.
"Yes Keith?" I replied to him. I heard some shuffling around in the house and then he walked out onto the porch. He was glaring at me and I smiled innocently. That was about the only thing that made people know Two-bit and I were related. We could both hide the truth too easily for our own good.
He rolled his eyes at me. "Well, I was gonna see if ya' wanted to head over to the Curtis', but now I ain't so sure," he spoke, crossing his arms over his chest.
I laughed. "You know I'm just yankin' yer' chain. Jeez, you don't gotta be such a baby." When I said the words I was calm, but in truth I was worried. I actually really did need to get away from the house. I hated home. I was sure Two-bit didn't realize my hatred for something that should have been a security. So, I never said anything to him about it.
Of course, there was a ton of stuff I never told Two-bit about.
He relaxed his arms and grinned. "So you comin'?"
I nodded quickly. "Yeah, ain't like there's stuff to do around here."
"Well then hurry up kid," He ruffled my hair and I swatted his hand away.
"I ain't a kid." It was true. I was fifteen, not really considered to be a kid. But, sadly for me, Two-Bit did not always see the difference between the words 'younger' and 'kid'.
For instance, I was not his 'younger' sister. I was most definitely and undoubtedly his 'kid' sister, also known as his baby sister. I shuddered at the word. I was nowhere near a baby at night.
"Well sure ya' are. I mean, look at ya'. You're as tiny as a twig," He said, holding my arm up. I ripped it away and rolled my eyes. He laughed his obnoxious laugh as I walked to get dressed.
I walked up our crooked steps up to where my room was on the right. I went inside and closed the door behind me.
My room was very girly. The last time I'd gotten it decorated I'd been five and in love with Princesses. That was a pretty horrible phase too, because Two-bit and the rest of his friends would make fun of me about it. I never complained about them making fun anymore, though. I just wasn't that kind of person in the day.
I was normally quiet, unless it was just Two-bit and I. I didn't really have many friends at school, but that was fine by me. As I have mentioned before, I am pretty reserved as it is. Being alone doesn't bother me as much as an introverted lifestyle may do to others.
I wasn't too smart either, but there was no one to care about that.
I walked over to my pink dresser that had purple flowers scattered about it. I groaned slightly and reached in, pulling out a blue floral skirt that had once been my mom's and a white t-shirt. I pulled out a sweater because I knew it was supposed to get cold.
As I pulled out the blue sweater I thought quietly of my dad- my real dad. I had seen the sweater at his sister's house when I was younger and wanted it. I had been too small then, but he gave it to me anyways. He passed on a year later.
Now it was my mom, Two-bit, my stepdad and I living together. And let me just say, that my stepdad was a bundle of lollipops and sweets. I hope my sarcasm was noted.
I went over to my vanity and ran a brush through my hair, knowing that if I put any more effort into how I looked than usual then people might start asking questions. I hated questions. Well, the daytime me did.
"Liz, get your ass down here or I'm leavin' without you!" Two-Bit's obnoxious voice rang through the house. I gave myself an annoyed look in the mirror before heading towards my door.
I walked downstairs where Two-bit looked really impatient. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Would you calm down?" I asked him, annoyed.
He shook his head. "Liz, I don't appreciate your lollygagging."
I stared at him as if were crazy. "You did not just say lollygagging. Who are you?"
He gave me a shit-eating grin. "I'm Two-Bit Mathews. Now move ass, baby sister." He gave me a shove out the door and I growled a little at him as I almost tripped down the steps, luckily he caught me.
"Two-bit-" I was about to yell at him, but he cut me off.
"Always the clumsy one, aren't we, little sister?"
I wasn't sure what to say back so I just gave up, crossing my arms over my chest. I walked with Two-bit, ignoring his small chuckle at my defeat.
"Wanna hear a joke?" Two-bit asked as we walked down the streets. He stuffed his hands deep in his jean pockets. I shook my head.
"No," I replied to him pretty quickly. He pouted and I smirked at him.
It was pretty chilly that afternoon, but I never liked complaining. I had stopped complaining around people I knew a long time ago.
"Momma, I hate him! He's so mean!" I exclaimed in frustration. She was not listening to me. No one ever listened to me.
I watched her cross her arms over her chest and look down at me. At ten I was small. There was no denying it. She looked ready to back-hand me.
"Young lady, I don't wanna hear another word about it unless you want a sore backside. Yer' getting' on my last nerve and I'm about done with it!" she replied.
I gulped at the threat because I knew it was one with a possible follow through. I just didn't like my stepdad. He was a jerk. I had known since the day I met him that I would never like him. He was scary and big. Not to mention, he didn't like me anyways.
My mother uncrossed her arms and relaxed a little. "Besides, he's your father. You need to treat him with respect."
I felt my heart pierce with pain. My father had passed away a year ago. I'd been so close to my dad and then he just….died. Gone forever. I still cried about him all the time. I wasn't really sure if Two-bit knew I still cried, but I didn't really want him to because he would just end up calling me a baby.
I must have been feeling a bit defiant that day, because I snapped back at her. "There's no way in hell he's my father!" I exclaimed, emphasizing the point by pointing my finger at my chest. "And nobody's gonna tell me different!"
"Young lady you better stop talking like that or I swear I will smack you so hard-" She was cut off by my step dad walking into the room.
I turned and looked at him. He was not that big of a guy, but to a ten year old I guess every adult male seemed pretty big. At the time he seemed huge. I hated him with all my heart and soul. I scowled at him, but all he did was smirk.
He actually frightened me very much, but back then I didn't like showing others I was scared. I was not fully aware of the consequences of not showing fear when I was younger.
Whether I was forcing back my fear or not, my breath still caught in my throat as he stepped closer to me.
He lifted my chin up with his finger and looked me straight in the eye. It caused shivers to run up my spine and I felt queasy.
"This girl causin' you trouble?" He asked, in a low, rumbly voice. Fear finally started to take its toll on me and I waited for my mom's reply. It was eerily quiet for the next few seconds. If I am telling you the truth, those seconds felt like hours.
"Well….actually…."
"Ma!" I complained, turning to face her. Immediately Jack whipped my head back to face him by my chin. The way my neck had snapped hurt and a lone tear trailed down my cheek.
He glared at me. "Your mother was speakin', little girl, and I advise you listen to her," He said in a deathly voice. My eyes were filled with fear and at the moment my words seemed to be stuck somewhere with my breathing. "You better answer me." He said low as he squeezed his fingers a little tighter on my chin.
I whimpered, but slowly nodded my head up and down.
He growled and then nodded towards my mother to continue. She smiled at him like he was the most amazing person on earth. I almost gagged, but decided that was probably not the best idea at the moment.
"Well, she was complainin'." My mother started, with a heavy sigh. "She was sayin' how you were mean and we needed to leave."
Jack's fingers tensed around my chin even more. Tears started to fall. This was not going well.
"Well, then I think me and her are gonna have a little talk if you don't mind, sweetheart. I want her to know what happens when you ain't respectful of your elders," Jack said. He smirked at me real hard. My mother smiled at him.
She nodded her head. "That's a great idea Jack," My mother said and she walked out of the room.
At that point I tried to pull myself away. The only person who had ever laid a hand on me was my father and he had never done it from anger. I had always deserved it and it was never abuse. I was always fine the next day.
A feeling rising in my gut told me that with Jack, this was not the case.
As soon as Jack realized my plan to escape, he slapped me hard across the face. Tears started to pour more and more from my eyes as the stinging sensation did not end.
"You think you're just so cute," He said to me, as he pushed me onto the ground. I yelped in pain, but my mother had closed the door, no one would hear me. He kicked me in my side and I heard something crack. I screamed out.
"Please….stop…" I choked out between tears. He laughed. I really did not think anything about the situation was funny. He kicked me again and I heard another crack. I screamed again, but I was sure no one would be coming to my rescue.
"Oh, no. I don't think so." He bent down close to me. "Ya' know what my daddy used to do to me? He used to break a leg off of a chair, and hit me until I was black and blue all over. You want me to do that to you? Is that what I gotta do in this house to get you to respect me?"
I shook my head no and tried, unsuccessfully, to crawl away. "I'm sorry."
"Oh I know you're sorry." He stood up and I watched as he started to unbuckle his belt. "But you're gonna be a hell of a lot sorrier after this."
Needless to say, I wasn't going to be complaining for a very long time.
"Hey, Lizzy! You still in there?" I felt a knock on my head as I quickly shook out of my memory.
I looked around and saw that we had reached the Curtis place. Everyone was staring at me and I could feel my face go several shades darker. I hated attention. Well, that was ironic, considering what I would be doing later that night.
Of course, I was a different person at night.
I realized Soda had been the one who had caught my attention. I waved to all of them and smiled awkwardly.
"Hi?"
"Wow, you were like off in your own little world or somethin'." Pony laughed. My face turned even redder and my awkward smile left my face.
Then Dally laughed. "Jesus, kid, you think you could look any more like a tomato?" He said and he really didn't sound like he was trying to be funny.
I glared. I really didn't like Dally, but I was sure the feeling was mutual.
"Aw, leave her alone you guys. She ain't gonna wanna come back once you're done tormenting her," Soda said, smiling towards me slightly. I smiled back.
"Soda, you only say that cause ya' like her," Steve taunted. Soda lunged for him and Steve dodged. My cheeks just grew with redness.
Truth be told, I really did like Soda. Except, it was one of those awkward crushes where it was my brother's friend and I knew he would never think of me the same way. He was perfect and I was…well…I was just Lizzy. I would always be just Lizzy.
Anyways, with all the nightly activities I had been getting into lately there was no way he would go for me. Not in heaven, or once hell froze over, or when pigs started flying or once any other cliché sayings happened.
"Ah, sis. Don't be embarrassed. We only make fun of you because we love you!" Two-bit said, his obnoxious laughter showing again. I rolled my eyes. Yeah, that's it.
"So what do ya'll wanna do? It's gonna be dark soon," Steve said from his spot on the couch. No one answered. They all looked around to see if anyone else had an idea.
I shrugged, like I normally do, as did Johnny and Pony. Apparently, no one had any thoughts.
"You guys might as well just stick around. Dinner's almost ready anyways," Darry told us, walking into the room. We all decided that was the best idea, since we were hungry.
I didn't really talk to anyone as we waited for Darry to call us in. I just sort of sat and piped in when I had an opinion or when someone asked me a question.
I sometimes wished I hung out with more girls. So then I could talk about girl things. I had told the Soda this once and he asked me why I didn't just hang out with my mom. In reply I started laughing and told him I wouldn't hang out with my mom if we were the last two people on earth.
He thought it was weird I didn't like my mom. I mean, I felt bad acting like that because his was…well…dead. But, I'd been through a lot too. There just did not happen to be a lot of people who knew about it.
And really, the only person I ever loved was my dad. I hated to say it, but I didn't even love Two-bit. Sure I liked him a whole lot, but all my love had gone to my dad and I didn't want to give any of it away.
"Dinners ready!"
I snapped out of my thoughts again as I stood up. I walked into the dining room last. I sat down between Soda and Two-bit. I got the smallest portion of food, as usual. Not that I minded, though, because I was never really hungry.
I watched the clock as we ate. I knew I'd have to leave soon to go to my 'job'.
"Where ya' goin'?" Soda asked as I started to head out the door. I groaned internally. Lie. Lie now Elizabeth Matthews. Think of a lie…
"Oh, I'm just a little tired, I'm gonna head home."
Soda nodded and smiled at me. "Well, see ya' later."
"See ya'." I headed out the door. It was time for my dirty little secret.
A/N: Again, I'm in the process of editing these chapters. Obviously, I'll let you know through my authors notes which ones have been updated. So, yep.
~Emily