Dodgeball! for Dummies

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto; if it did, then I'd probably be swimming in a pool of cash right now, not sitting alone at my computer, reading fan fiction... ...Actually I probably would be; if you were an author, wouldn't you like to read what people wrote about your stories??

Warning: crackfic and sheer stupidity ahead. Flames are expected but not appreciated.

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"Good morning, my youthful students!" shouted Maito Gai as he gave his infamous 'nice guy' pose. Lee, the senior who was his student aide, copied his position with an even more blinding smile.

The class of sophomores shuddered as one at their two spandex-clad instructors. They're so weird… thought Gaara, twitching. Why did I take PE again?

"Today we're playing the ever-youthful sport of DODGEBALL!" continued Gai.

"YOSH!" Lee shouted, jumping up and down.

The class sweatdropped. After an awkward pause, Kiba and Naruto high-fived each other. "Yeah!" yelled Kiba. "I LOVE dodge ball!"

"Okay, my students of youth! You know how to play! Get on your teams and have a great time!"

The class sullenly divided into the predetermined groups: Sakura, Ino, Sasuke, Gaara, Neji, Tenten, Shino, and Sai against Naruto, Kiba, Haku, Hinata, Temari, Chouji, Shikamaru, and Kankuro.

"This is troublesome." muttered Shikamaru as the two teams faced off.

Lee blew his whistle. "Go! Go!" he yelled. "Show your youth through this noble sport!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" yelled Naruto and Kiba as they charged forward. They were the only ones who bothered to try: Sai was busy flirting with anyone who looked sideways at him, Shikamaru was napping, Ino and Sakura were busy molesting Sasuke-kun, Hinata was hiding next to Temari, who was trying to flirt with a snoring Shikamaru, Haku was doing his hair, Chouji was trying to see if a dodge ball was edible, Shino was talking to a bug, and Neji was making out with Tenten in the corner. Kankuro had gone off to the locker room, presumably to play with his dolls.

Gaara found himself standing alone, facing the hyperactive wrath of Kiba and Naruto. "Eeep!" he squeaked, right before he was knocked unconscious by two well-placed throws to his head.

Sakura and Ino were the next targets. Kiba and Naruto got as close as they could and bonked the two girls over the head, causing them to let go of Sasuke.

"NAAARRUUUUTOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" screamed Sakura, chasing the blonde and repeatedly hitting him over the head.

Sasuke gasped for air and tried to get up from where he had fallen on the floor. I'm free! he thought joyfully, before Naruto, who had finally knocked Sakura out, tripped over his prone body and fell on top of him. "Help!" cried the Uchiha weakly, unable to move.

"Ooof." grunted Naruto as he pushed him self up. "Sorry about that, Sasuke-teme."

"No problem." gasped Sasuke sarcastically. (A/N: Is it even possible to gasp sarcastically?)

"You're on the other team, aren't you?" asked Naruto.

Sasuke nodded weakly.

"Okay." The blonde boy suddenly procured a dodge ball and pegged Sasuke in the head. "You're out!" he yelled cheerfully to the unconscious Sasuke.

Chouji, who finally realized that dodge balls weren't edible, threw his at Shikamaru. It hit him on the chest, causing him to choke and wake up from a dream where he was sleeping.

"You're out Shikamaru!" yelled the chubby brunette, before Kiba pegged him in the head and knocked him out.

"Oops." said Kiba sheepishly. "He was on my team."

"…Troublesome." grunted the lazyass as he shuffled over to the wall and went to sleep again.

Naruto snickered as he crept up behind Sai, who was (unsuccessfully) flirting with Hinata and Temari. He drew his arm back, aimed, and…

"AAAAAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!!!" yelled Sai in pain. "MY PENIS!!!"

Naruto was laughed as he threw another ball that hit Sai in the head, finally knocking him out.

Meanwhile, Kiba was sneaking up on an oblivious Shino, still chatting animatedly with a cockroach. He managed to get within throwing distance before the bug-boy noticed him. Shino looked up to receive a dodge ball in the face. He was knocked out almost immediately, much to the concern of his cockroach friends.

The gym was now littered with the bodies of unconscious sophomores, but Neji and Tenten were still oblivious in their little lovers' corner. Naruto and Kiba caught each others' eyes from across the room. Kiba pointed to the pair, and Naruto nodded, grinning evilly. They snuck up to the couple and suddenly… WHAM! Naruto had thrown his dodge ball at Neji and Kiba had aimed at Tenten, causing their heads to knock together and immediate unconsciousness.

"YES!" yelled Naruto. "WE WIN!"

He and Kiba immediately scampered off to celebrate (A/N: how the celebrated… I don't want to know) leaving Hinata and Temari twitching in the corner where they had taken refuge from the massacre.

"Ah, such youthfulness…" sighed an oblivious Gai-sensei to his equally clueless aide.

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A/N: Reading this over, my only thought is… wtf? That's probably what you're thinking right now too… and my answer is: I have no idea what this is. That's the danger in me getting bored.