"Don't cry Clary I'll be back soon I promise" Jace wiped my tears away with my thumb as he cupped my cheeks. "I have to do this, especially with little Herondale coming" he moved one of his hands down and laid it on my stomach with a very small but subtle bump. "I have to help the men fight the demons away from our land to make sure he or she will be able to live safely" he smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. He crushed me tightly to him and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around him tighter almost as if trying to mold us into one body. He caressed my curls with one hand and squeezed my waist to him with the other arm. "I'll come back to you I always will" he connected our lips together and it expressed all the words we couldn't say 'don't die out there' 'wait for me'. Our kiss was filled with tears and sadness but contained passion, love, and hopeful promises.
"Write to me okay?" I managed to choke out. "I will darlin, every time I get to" he gave me one last kiss on the forehead and whispered "I love you Clarissa Herondale". "I love you too Jace Herondale, come back to me" and with that he let me go and walked out the door meeting the rest of the shadowhunters of our land to battle. Just before they got on their horses he looked back at me and with green meeting gold he gave me one last smile before they all galloped away.
Dear Jace,
I hope you're doing alright. I miss you so much already. I know these battles usually takes a few years and it's only been a couple months but as I look down at my growing stomach and realize how you're still not here it makes me grow with worry. Don't be reckless there okay? I know you love to be the hero and protect others but please be careful and protect yourself too, if not for me then for our child. I love you, come back to me soon. -Your dearest, Clary
Clary darlin,
I miss you so much too. It's been pretty rough out here but I'm doing alright. I'm sorry for going away for a long time but I'm these men's leader and shadowhunters protect each other. Don't worry I've been keeping extra measures to stay safe. I wish I can see our little child grow in your belly. Tell him or her that I love them alright? I promise you I'll be there soon. -With love, Jace
I've been listenin' to the silence
hoping that the time would move you
I put my faith in your promise
that you'd be here soon
It's been hard without Jace here by my side. My parents, his parents, even his aunts and cousins have always been dropping by to keep me company. We live in a manor on the outskirts of the main town and although it's timely to visit me they never fail to do so. "Clary dear, don't fret about him he's a strong man" his mother Celine told me as she gave me a hug while I sat on the window overlooking the road to our house. "He'll come back to you Clary, Herondales, well we love like no other. We would do anything to come back to the one who holds our hearts". Stephen was standing by the doorway, he must've probably overheard us and as he came closer I didn't miss the sparkle in his eyes as he looked at his wife right beside me.
Don't doubt it darlin'
the stars may be fallin'
I'm still coming for you
Dear Jace,
How have you been love? Your parents were here this weekend and your father he told me something. He said that Herondales love like no other and they'd do anything to come back to the one who holds their hearts. You'd do anything to come back to us right Jace? I know I must probably seem clingy I'll just blame it on the hormones. Stay safe out there alright? Come back to me soon Jace, I love you. -Your dearest, Clary.
Clary love,
We're managing here. A lot of men have been wounded but we have more soldiers coming and most of their wounds aren't fatal. We've actually been putting a good fight against those demons, soon we'll be able to kill every last one of them. My father he's right all Herondale men has only ever had one great love for them and that's you to me. Don't doubt it darling, I'd do anything to come back to you guys. You shouldn't worry about seeming clingy with me love, it only makes me love you more. I promise I'm staying safe out here. I'll come back soon I promise. -With love, Jace
I can hear your whisper
every doubt screams where are you
and every moment waiting makes the day
harder to get through
I can't decide which is worst to get through, the day or the night. Ever since we've been married Jace has always had an agenda for us whether it's out adventuring in the woods or sitting by the fireplace reading a book. It's hard not to think about him as every corner of this house has his memories. It's worst at night when I go to bed. He always loves to hold me in his arms when we sleep and I couldn't help but get used to them. I can even smell his scent in his pillow sometimes, that's why I hug it tightly to me. The nightmares however are what scares me, the dreams of him being hurt out in battle or not coming back to me and as I wake from them I face the reality that my nightmares could become true, and there'd be nothing more I want than to feel his arms around me.
Dear Jace,
Your and I's mothers even your aunt have forced me to bed rest. Everyone was here for the weekend due to a babyshower your cousins threw me, they told me it was all Izzy's idea but Alec and Max greatly enjoyed it too. They even brought their significant others Magnus and Simon, of course Max didn't since he's only 10. Anyways, as I was helping clean up I felt an intense amount of pain and fainted. The women have now been taking turns of staying in the house with me. I'm so scared Jace, what if I won't be able to safely bear our child. I'm sorry, it's all my fault if something goes wrong. If anything happens, know that I love you. Come back to us soon. -Your dearest, Clary
Don't give up darlin', the stars may be fallin'
I'm still coming for you
Hold on
Hold just a little longer
Hold on
Hold just a little longer
Hold on
Clary my love,
Please do not talk like that. Nothing will go wrong with labor believe it. My mother has sent me a letter too and she insists its only cramps because the baby will come soon. Listen to them alright love? I know you can be stubborn and hate being taken care of but this is for yours and the baby's own good. I wish I was there to take care of you myself. Forgive me for being so far. We're getting closer to the demon's borderlines just hold on a little longer darling. I'll come back to you I promise. -With love, Jace.
I can swear I feel you
every time I lay my head down
nothing but restless sleepless
long nights now
Childbirth is no easy task. The pain I felt was indescribable but it was all worth it when I heard my son's cries. The midwife assured me there was nothing to be worried off and everything went well. As they laid him by my side I gasped at how beautiful he was. He had Jace's blond curls at the top of his head and his chiseled jaw and high cheekbones while he earned his green eyes and button nose from me. He's perfect. "He's a beauty sweetie, looks just like his mommy and daddy" my mother softly whispered to me. "I'd like to introduce you all to William Herondale" I announced as I caressed his little cheeks with the tips of my fingers.
If I thought being with child was hard well I was wrong, taking care of him is harder. He's especially fussy at night as if he can sense that his daddy wasn't there. "Soon little one, daddy will come home soon" I whispered to him as I looked down on him in his crib gripping my finger in his hand.
Dear Jace,
I've given birth to a son my love. He's beautiful, he's all we ever hoped for. He has my eyes and nose and basically everything else are yours up to the luscious golden curls. I named him William just like we talked about if we had a boy. He's the most perfect little boy, Jace. I wish you were here to see him. I can tell he already misses you. He gets really fussy at night and won't stop crying until I lay him next to me on your side of the bed with your sweater around him covering him in your scent. Come back to us soon, we love you. -Your dearest, Clary
Clary my love,
You have made me the happiest luckiest man in the world. Thank you for giving me such a perfect little boy. I already miss him. I can't wait until I get to hug both you. I should've probably worn all the clothes in my closet before I left if I knew he would've been like that. You both mean the world to me. I'll come back soon I promise, I love you. –With love, Jace
Don't lose hope darlin', the stars may be fallin'
I'm still coming for you
Hold on
Hold just a little longer
Hold on
Hold just a little longer
Hold on
Trying to raise my little boy without my husband is harder than I thought. The first few months were hard but as he grew older and fell into a sleeping pattern it's been easier. Izzy officially moved in with Simon in the guesthouse to help me with William. They had a small wedding ceremony with just the family before moving in together. William has been my only reason to stay strong, to get up every day without Jace.
Dear Jace,
How has the battles been? Will it take longer? It's so hard Jace, I wake up every day without you by my side and go to sleep still without you. William has started crawling and I tell you he's been making such a mess around the house. I show him your pictures every day though and I can tell it's his favorite part because he always smiles and giggles. Come back to us soon, we love you. –Your dearest, Clary.
Dear Jace,
How come you didn't respond to my last letter? I'm sorry if it seemed like I'm telling you to hurry up fighting. Stay safe out there okay? William talks now, well little words. He knows how to say mommy and whenever he sees your pictures around the house he says daddy too. He's also starting to walk, I've completely changed the layout of the house now to make sure he's safe as he goes around. Reply back alright? I love you, come back to us soon. – Your dearest, Clary
Dear Jace,
Jace? Please honey write back anything just your name if it's too much. You're worrying me here. We threw William a party for his first birthday. It was just us family. You should see Max with him, he's such an older brother figure and William always wants to follow him. Please Jace just send anything back. We love you –Your dearest, Clary.
Don't doubt it darlin'
I'm holdin' on
Don't give up darlin'
I'm holdin' on
Don't lose hope darlin'
I'm holdin', hold, hold
Dear Jace,
JACE! PLEASE! You have to send me something back. Everyone's telling me you're dead now. I won't believe it! I can feel it. I can still feel you out there fighting to come back to us. William's almost 2 now, he's starting to ask where you are. Of course he doesn't expect a real answer, not that he can fully comprehend it but it still hurts whenever he sees a picture of you and says 'where daddy'. You're still coming back to us right my love? Please come back to us. I miss you so so much honey. I love you Jace Herondale. –Your dearest, Clary.
Dear Jace,
Please write back. I don't know what I'd do without you. I told them I don't believe them, that you're still alive but I don't know anymore Jace. William's already 3 years old. He's so much like you in every way. He always wants to explore and have fun, always mischievous and sneaky and has everyone wrapped around his little finger. He reminds me so much of you that sometimes it hurts so much looking at him. Don't worry about us here alright? I'm taking good care of our little boy. Just focus on staying safe out there alright? I just really need you to come back home. I love you my golden boy. –Your dearest, Clary.
Hold on
Hold just a little longer
Hold on
Hold just a little longer
Hold on
Hold just a little longer
Hold on
Hold just a little longer
Hold on
Dear Jace,
I don't know why I'm still writing. I guess this is my goodbye later. Some of the shadowhunters have come home. It brought me to reality that you won't be coming back. I don't even know who's receiving my letters anymore, if they're even being read or just thrown out. William's 4 now, almost 5 years old. He still asks about you sometimes, where you are or why haven't you been here and what hurts the most is when we go into town and he asks how come he doesn't have a daddy teaching him how to swordfight or play with him or teach him how to ride a horse. I waited for you as much as I could but I guess it's time to say goodbye. I love you Jace Herondale. No one will ever replace you for me and you'll always have my heart. You gave me the best life and son I could ever ask for and I thank you for that. Goodbye my love. – Your dearest, Clary.
"Mommy what are you looking at?" I saw William dressed in his overalls by the doorway as I sat by the same window I've always sat at waiting for Jace. It's been 5 almost 6 years since I saw him leave using that very road. "Nothing sweetheart, come here" I motioned for him to join me as I decided to tell my son our story. "Remember how you always asked me where daddy was? I'm going to tell you but you need to listen to me very carefully alright sweetie?" "Yes mommy" William sat on my lap as we both looked out the window. "When you were still a tiny baby in my tummy daddy had to leave. Demons were close to destroying our land and your daddy was a great shadowhunter, he was their leader. He left with the rest of the men to fight for our land. We're all shadowhunters but the women stayed behind to take care of the children and the elders. Your grandfathers didn't go because they were too old for fighting. Uncle Alec along with Uncle Simon were the one of the few men who stayed behind to protect everyone here since everyone else is out at the battlefields. Your daddy, he was a brave man and he went to make sure he did everything he could to protect us and everyone out there. Daddy and I, we always wrote letters to each other and each time he promised to come back but I haven't received a letter from him in a long time, honey". "No mommy my friend Tessa said that her father came back from the war and that there were still more shadowhunters there finishing this mission" his denial only made it harder for me to tell him. I couldn't tell him he was looking at me with hope and passion in his eyes and I couldn't bear the heart to break that in him. "Alright William, maybe mommy just made a mistake" "It's okay mommy I make mistakes too especially when I'm coloring" I laughed at his silly way of consoling me and gently placed a kiss on his forehead. "Let's go talk about what you want for your birthday party"
William insisted of having just a small gathering for his birthday. His birthday is during winter time and we settled for a dinner at the house with everyone and whoever he wanted to invite. He only invited a couple of his friends; Jem, Tessa, Gabriel, Gideon, and Sophie. The kids right now were outside playing around in the snow having snowball fights and making a snowman while the adults happily had conversations by the fireplace.
"William! Go inside it's time to eat and have cake afterwards."
"Mommy! Can we have 30 more minutes please we need to make a snowman!" I sighed at his request and said "Alright sweetie but don't you guys go too far"
About half an hour later all the little kids came running into the house. William came barreling into me and shouted "You have to come see our snowman mommy! It's huuuge"! All the adults relented into their request and one by one we made our way outside to see a gigantic 6 ft snowman. There was no way they made this by themselves.
"Who helped you guys? You guys didn't do this by yourselves" Alec voiced out my thoughts.
Celine and Jocelyn already started to scold the kids "what did we tell you guys about talking to strangers"
"But grandma we didn't my daddy helped me" William responded to her and I felt as if my heart stopped. What? No. Jace is, no it's not possible. Surely I must've heard wrong until I heard Tessa tell her mom "No no mommy I promise Will's daddy helped us". I walked over to William and crouched in front of him "William Herondale! What did I tell you about lying!" I scolded him.
"But mommy!" he tried to argue as I heard gasps and a cry behind me. I froze as I heard a voice say "he's not lying". It was his voice. Jace's voice. I slowly stood up not trusting my balance and turned around and came face to face with my husband. He stood in front of me dressed in slightly stained and torn gear. His golden curls were longer and his jaw wasn't freshly shaved as always but had stubble. He slowly walked toward me and caressed my cheeks as tears started to build up in my eyes. "Is this real? Are you really here?" I managed to choke out. I put my hands over his on my face and squeezed them trying to see if it's real and he gave a slight chuckle "I'm really here darlin. I promised you I'd come back didn't I?" he whispered to me right before he claimed my lips with his. I kissed him with all I had all my bottled emotions for 6 years. I didn't care whether my whole family was here or his parents or anyone else, all I cared about was my husband was here in my arms once again.