Tackle or Treat
Duo looked excitedly out the window of his two-bedroom apartment that he shared with four other young men. He'd been there nearly all day because, well, he's unemployed, easily amused, and Duo.
Heero glanced irritably at the long-haired pilot, pausing from typing over his laptop for only a moment. "What is so interesting over there?"
"They're building a haunted house," Maxwell replied, without so much as a glance in the other direction. "They've been at it all day. One more day, Heero!"
"Until what?" Heero tried to conceal his interest. Duo look at him with sheer disbelief.
"Halloween!!" Duo cried out so loudly that Quatre poked his head out of the bedroom he shared with Wufei and Trowa.
"Whatever," Heero said very quietly, looking back down at his laptop.
"Heero, haven't you ever celebrated Halloween?" Duo raced to his side. Quatre walked out into the living room and squinted at the small clock in the corner of their kitchen.
"...So what. It's probably just some stupid kiddy thing," Heero grunted. Duo look at him as though Heero were a small child from a third world country that refused to believe in the existence of cotton candy. Or something like that.
"Heero, I'm going to give you the best Halloween ever!" Duo declared, clapping his hands.
"Duo, that's a wonderful idea!" Quatre joined in.
"What?!" Heero closed his computer. "No thanks."
"Oh, c'mon. W-we can go to haunted houses, and get lots of candy, and then we can bob for apples and have a party and invite a whole bunch of people that we don't even know, and eat CANDY, and we have to invite somebody named Bob so we can be like 'Hey Bob, why don't you BOB for apples??' 'Cause that's funny, Ahahaha!! And eat candy. Did I say that already?" Duo looked up in sheer deep thought.
"Yes Duo, we can throw a party. See, this is what I'm talking about. We need to have more fun. This house gets so dreary-"
"Apartment-" Heero corrected glumly.
"More like a reinforced cardboard box with a toilet and a door," Duo said truthfully.
"...Yeah, anyway, we can clean the place up, and decorate, and wear costumes, and- oh, this will be so much fun!" Quatre smiled.
"Where do you think we're going to get the money?" (Aha, at first I typed "monkey", because a party is not a party without a monkey.) Heero tried with every ounce in him to rain on their parade.
"Wufei works, Trowa...kind of works, and we can fund raise. We can have a BAKE SALE!!" Quatre squealed.
"We aren't the Girl scouts."
"But pretty nonetheless," Duo nodded. Quatre and Heero stared at him for a very long and uncomfortable time.
"...Anyway," Quatre said abruptly, "we'll find a way. You haven't lived until you've celebrated Halloween!" With that he ran off, with the air of Maria from the Sound of Music.
Duo just giggled and followed. Heero watched them go and nonchalantly returned to his typing.
Wufei squinted at the bright green numbers on the copy machine. He knew that he had typed in 4, that was all the copies that he needed. Yet for some reason, the machine decided that every person in Southern California deserved to have a copy of "The Increases and Declines in the Sale of Avocados."
"Woochy!!" A man called from the other side of the very long room filled with different typed of machines.
"Wufei! Wufei!" Wufei closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. "Wufei, it isn't that hard!"
"Just the man I wanted to speak to!" Mr. Heroy, Wufei's superior, came toward the pilot quickly. He stopped when he noticed the pile of paper that was laying on the floor and still being added too. "Do you really need all of these copies?"
"Yes," Wufei's eye twitched, "I'm going to fill my swimming pool with them."
There was a pause. Mr. Heroy look as though he was going to speak but decided against it.
"You said you wanted to see me for something?" Wufei pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Yes, you remember the Foutley Files?"
"...The ones that took me a week to copy?" Wufei clarified.
"Oh, yea, well, so sorry, but yesterday at lunch me a a few of the guys got into quite an avid game of paper football. Anyway, half of the copies have disappeared and Mr. Cleven wants them on his desk tomorrow." Mr. Heroy smiled. Wufei lifted his index finger very, very slowly, and poked Mr. Heroy in the eye.
"..."
"..."
"Did you feel that?"
"Yes, it was quite painful," Wufei's superior fluttered his eyes. Wufei looked at him very closely.
"...Right, well, I should be off now...Lots of things to do..." Mr. Heroy turned around casually, but then ran so fast that he hit a fax machine, had to pause to pick it up, and ran again.
Trowa peeked out at the audience from behind a covered section in the circus tent. He sighed sadly, seeing the crowd that had been getting notably smaller with each week.
"Trowa," Catherine tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, slightly startled. "We're up next."
"I know," he nodded.
"I have something to tell you," she looked down.
"What is it?"
"Nothing life threatening..." Catherine sighed. An announcer suddenly came on. "I'll tell you after our performance."
"THE MAGNIFICENT, GRAVITY DEFYING DUO, TROWA AND CATHERINE!" Catherine took Trowa's hand and led him into the spotlight. She smiled and waved at the crowd as two handles suspended from ropes lowered. They both stepped into them and slowly began to rise in the air.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M A GEMINI, SINGLE, AND HAVE SHOE SIZE OF TWELVE. PLEASE SEE ME BY THE LADIES BATHROOMS AFTER THE SHOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED! ON A SIDE NOTE, TROWA, THE MAN TO YOUR LEFT, IS CONSTIPATED."
"No I'm not," Trowa raised his brow.
"Don't pay attention. They had to dock his pay," Catherine suddenly spoke louder, "and he's a GREEDY, BITER, LOSER WHO LIVES IN HIS MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM!"
The man in the box above the audience flipped Catherine off.
Catherine sighed, "I was going to tell you...this is going to be our last show. Nobody wants to go to the circus anymore, we can't keep this up." They were set in their place, and the crowd watched with silent anticipation. "I'm sorry."
Trowa looked very shocked, which isn't a good thing when you're 100 feet in the air.
"Trowa...do the first move!" Catherine said out of the side of her smile. Trowa didn't move.
"TROWA! Lean forward!" Catherine ordered. The crowd began to shift and complain.
"The circus is my whole life..." Trowa whispered.
"Trowa, please," Catherine sighed. Just when she was about to signal the operator to let them down, Trowa slowly bent forward and began to swing back and fourth, as they had practiced countless times.
Heero glanced at the clock. Duo and Quatre had been gone for almost three hours. He was just considering running away and hiding out for a week or so, when the door opened. Quatre was attempting to balance four paper bags, and Duo followed closely behind with a pirate's hat under his arm.
"Where did you get the money for this?" Heero asked, not really wanting to know.
"Relax, I used the emergency money that Rashid sent me," Quatre was beaming. Exhausted, but beaming.
"Emergency money?!? Why didn't you use it to buy food, gas for the van, furniture, or something??" Heero closed his laptop and stared at them in disbelief.
"Well, it was only five hundred," Quatre said quietly, sitting on the floor with his bags and shuffling through them.
Heero just decided to keep quiet and not kill anybody. But Duo was really testing it, because he had just placed the pirate's hat on Heero's head.
"You're going to be a pirate for Halloween! Try it out! Say 'arrrrrr'." Duo laughed and rushed over to Quatre.
"I'm not going in public dressed as a pirate," Heero replied in a very flat tone.
"Sure you are!" Duo jumped up and held a ragged red dress up against himself. "And I'm going to be your wench!"
"Duo!" Quatre yelled out.
"What? A pirate's not a pirate unless he's got a wench!" He did a very un-wenchful spin.
"Don't say wench...say...pirate's lady," Quatre pulled out something big, furry, and white.
"Wench!" Duo protested.
"Pirate's lady!" Quatre yelled back.
"Quatre, what the hell is that?" Heero's eye twitched ever so slightly.
"What? Oh this?" The blonde pilot stood up and held out a full bunny suit. "It's my costume." Yuy shook his head silently. He set the hat on the piece of wood suspended by buckets that they pretended was a table, walked into his room, and shut the door.
Quatre and Duo were silent.
"I think he like's his hat," Duo whispered. Quatre giggled and nodded in agreement.
"If he just let's himself, Heero will have fun."
"Oh, can we go to the haunted house?!" Duo's head shot in the direction of the window.
"Of course we can! We just have to figure out how to get Heero out of the house tomorrow," Quatre's voice suddenly got very quiet. They leaned close and planned out the next day.
Wufei peeled the paper off of the top of his instant ramen. The lunch room was loud and bustling, yet nobody was near Wufei. In fact, all of Wufei's coworkers sat on the complete other side of the room. It's had been that way for the past two weeks. Chang was not upset, he preferred it this way. They did have to talk to him, and he didn't have to listen to them talk. So it worked out.
He filled his freeze-dried lunch with water and put it into the microwave. Leaning against the counter, he suddenly observed that everyone had stopped talking. They were staring at Wufei, but trying to do so in a way that he wouldn't notice. Yet when fifty people are all trying not be non conspicuous, it doesn't work.
"Welfo!" Somebody called out.
Wufei looked astounded. "Welfo...?" He said under his breath. With a sigh he turned around. Mr. Cleven looked closely at him.
"Yes...?" Wufei ignored the beep signaling that his lunch was finished.
"Take that with you, we need to have a talk." With t hat Mr. Cleven left the room. Wufei grabbed his chop stick off the table and followed with his lunch in both hands.
Neither of them spoke until they were in Mr. Cleven's office that had once been a sickening pink. It was now Wufei's favorite shade of green.
"Have a seat, Mr. Ching-choing," Mr. Cleven nodded. Wufei didn't even make an attempt to correct him.
"...You are a prized member of my work force," his boss paced back fourth. "And because of this, I feel I need to be honest with you."
"Am I getting fired?" Wufei asked, not sure if he would have minded. He sat crisscross and began to eat his lunch.
"No, no...The feds have been on my back again, and they are telling me that we don't have enough mixture of culture in this administration. What I'm trying to say is that...other than you, everyone here is white. I we need you to be, well, more Asian," Mr. Cleven studied his face very closely.
"Wait, why don't you just hire some more minorities?" Wufei set down his food.
"Right now you're doing Asian things, why don't you do that more often?" his boss looked hopefully at him.
"...What's the difference?"
"Because we've only got one minority, we need you to be a really BIG minority, do you get what I'm trying to say? The feds are going to shut this place down if we don't get some flava'. You see what I just did there? I left off the 'or' on flavor and substituted it for an 'a'. We need somebody to do that. But all we've got is you. Hey, you're not gay, are you?" He said hopefully.
"What?! No!" Wufei looked astounded.
"Oh...that's a minority...right? Maybe I should asked that Heroy guy... He's always been a little iffy." Mr. Cleven sat down at his desk and made a note.
"What do you want from me?" Wufei asked very simply.
"Let me ask you something...Why don't you have an accent?"
"Bad dubbing."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Oh...Well, you're Japanese, right?" Mr. Cleven began to look through a drawer.
"No, I'm Chinese," Wufei resisted the urge to twitch.
"Eh, one of those European countries." Wufei stood up to go find something to smother himself with.
"Wait," Mr. Cleven stood up. "I want you to get rid of that mullet and wear some of your cultural clothes to work tomorrow. And get an accent or speak some Japanese when the feds get here tomorrow, okay? They are going to be talking to you. We're counting on this, Boq Choy." Mr. Cleven held out Wufei's Ramen to him. "And there could be some extra money in it for you..."
He gave the man a glance and took it.
"Are you sure you're not gay...?"
"Yes!" Wufei snapped.
"Just asking!"
Trowa opened up the door to their apartment, looking very grim. He looked to one side of the room and saw Quatre in a bunny suit, but said nothing. He began a slow traipse to his room, when he noticed Duo in a dress.
"Hey! ...What happened?" Quatre suddenly became concerned. Trowa looked down and walked into his room. The door was shut on Duo and Quatre for the second time that day. Quatre quickly removed his costume (he had clothes on under, perverts!)and rushed up to the shared bedroom door.
"Trowa?" Duo jingled up behind him and pressed his ear against the door.
"Trowa are you okay?" Quatre whispered. After a moment of silence, Quatre gestured for Duo to be quiet and opened the door.
One the floor of the small room there were three mattresses, each with one comforter. Scattered around the room were random clothes and few belongings that they had acquired from their months in the apartment. Trowa laid sprawled out on the middle mattress, face down.
"Trowa..." Quatre sighed, sitting beside him. "What happened?" Trowa mumbled something incoherently.
Duo hadn't entered the room. He had never been allowed in Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei's room. He recalled all of the torturous consequences proposed(mostly by Wufei) should he ever enter the room.
"What was that?" Quatre asked. Trowa lifted his head, "The circus is gone. It's all over. We've got no money left. We're going to starve."
"You weren't getting paid anyway," Quatre looked confused. Trowa moaned quietly and miserably.
"Trowa, don't be sad! Tomorrow is Halloween and Duo and I have been planning all these fun things! Maybe Catherine will get a house here now, and-and you can hang out with her more. You can get a job at the zoo or something, because you love animals. You can do tricks on the street and I'm sure people will give you money!" The blonde pilot smiled.
Trowa rolled over and looked at him. "I'll just bottle it up inside along with everything else that depresses me...one day leading to my motivation to kill you all."
"That's the spirit!" Quatre shouted. "Wait, what about killing?" Quatre blinked.
"Nothing," Trowa got up and walked out of the room. He paused in the doorway and studied Duo. "Why are you in a dress?"
"I'm Heero's wench!" Duo said excitedly.
"Oh, thought so," Trowa nodded and kept walking. Duo looked confused.
"C'mon Duo, we're still not done shopping," Quatre stood up.
"We still have to get Wufei a costume!" Duo pointed out.
"I'm not wearing a costume!" Wufei yelled out. He had just come home from work and looked more irritated than usual.
"Why not?" Duo pouted, following Quatre into the living room.
"Because I hate corporate America. They are forcing me to be something I'm not, so that they can fool themselves into thinking that they are diverse."
"But Wufei, you aren't American. You're an illegal alien," Quatre pointed out.
"Yeah, hey, how did you guys get here anyway?" Duo suddenly realized.
"Yeah, and why are we all living in a two bedroom apartment with no money or food? What's with all of these weird plot twists?" Trowa spoke up.
"Yeah, and why is everyone so out of character?" Heero had come out of his room. Just then Toby McGuire, Steve from Blues clues, and Michael J. Fox blinked into the room. They looked around the room and then suddenly noticed each other. Michael and Steve pointed at Toby and shouted "You look like me!" both at once. The realization caused them all to scream. This inspired the other five pilots to scream, also.
Suddenly Toby, Steve, and Michael blinked back out of the room.
"..." They all said at once.
"What were we talking about?" Wufei inquired.
"I dunno," Duo stared at the roof. "Halloween is tomorrow!"
"Duo, why are you wearing a dress?" Wufei suddenly felt he should ask.
"He's Heero's wench," Trowa informed.
"Oh, always knew it," Wufei said flatly and began to look in the kitchen for something to eat. Duo once again looked very confused.
"Let's go," Quatre motioned. Duo began to follow, but Quatre stopped him.
"What?"
"The dress."
"Oh, right!" Maxwell ran in the other direction to go change.
The night went by and morning came, the way they usually do in stories like this. Just imagine it accompanied by pictures of the moon moving across the sky, dew on leaves, birds, bad elevator music, that sort of thing.
Duo sat in the living room dressed in his favorite red and black pinstriped PJs, playing quietly on his guitar. Trowa and Quatre ate cereal at the table while Heero played Pac man on his laptop...wait, I mean, typed something important and top secret.
Wufei walked out of his room and drew the attention and silence of the the others.
"...I thought you weren't going to wear a costume," Duo said, spiteful that he didn't get to pick it out.
"What are you doing?" Heero asked quietly.
"Being Chinese," Wufei said glumly, walking slowly into the kitchen and searching hopelessly for food.
"You have to wear a dress to be Chinese?" Duo snorted.
"Hey! This is ceremonial ROBE! Not dress, ROBE!" Wufei snapped, snatching the box of cereal off of the table.
"Whatever..." Duo raised his hand to his mouth, "dress," he coughed.
"Trowa, why haven't you left for work yet?" Wufei ignored Duo.
"The circus has been canceled," Trowa said with the voice of a Christmas deprived five-year-old. Wufei laughed briefly, "sucks to be you."
"You shall be the first to die," Trowa whispered with a strange English accent.
"What?" Wufei arched a brow.
"Nothing."
"Trowa, why don't you and Heero...go somewhere." Quatre tried to think of something, but failed.
"Huh? Why?" Heero became aware of everyone else's existence.
"I'll give you one hundred dollars. You guys can go furniture shopping!" Quatre suddenly offered.
"We wouldn't be able to get much with that," Trowa pointed out.
"And there's only one car! I'm leaving in five minutes. So If you're taking it you need to drop me off at work," Wufei let them know.
"Stop being so negative and go BUY FURNITURE!!" Quatre yelled. The abruptness of this shocked the pilots so much that they asked no more questions and five minutes later all filed out the door and into their green van.
"Now it begins..." Quatre said with an evil glint in his eye.
Once the three pilots had all filed into the van, Trowa slowly turned to Wufei. "What do you do again?"
"I'm the executive copy machine operator," replied Wufei, checking his appearance in the mirror.
"Oh, copy bitch boy," Trowa leaned back.
Wufei glared at him as Heero started the car. After driving for about ten minutes the car finally came to a halt in front of a large, green building.
"What time do you need us to pick you up?" Heero muttered, staring off into the distance.
"Uhh...don't bother. I'll call a taxi," smiled Wufei.
"You don't have money for a taxi...." pointed out Trowa.
"I have a feeling that could change pretty soon," with that Wufei walked off, wooden sandals and all.
Once inside, Wufei was greeted by Mr. Cleven and a group of men in black suits.
"This is our most prized employee, Mr...." Mr. Cleven looked blank. He glanced at Wufei pleadingly.
"Wufei Chang," Wufei tried his hardest to sound Asian and held out a hand to one of the men . A few in back smiled and nodded, marking something down on clipboards.
"Let me show you to Mr. Ching's office..." Wufei's boss led the group of ten or so down the small hall into a large office. Wufei looked around cautiously. He didn't have an office.
"Is this your family?" said a man, pointing at a large framed picture on the wall. There was a large family sitting happily in the grass.
"Yes," nodded Wufei with uncertainty.
"The kids look just like you," the man smiled happily and wrote something else on his clipboard. Wufei's eye twitched.
"Have a seat Mr. Hong Kong," Mr. Cleven gestured with a large grin on his face.
Wufei gave him an odd look, but sat down anyway.
"How long have you been working here Mr....I'm sorry, I don't think I can pronounce it," said a very tall man wearing a bowler.
"Chang."
"Ch....Chawngo?"
"Chhhaaaaang," Wufei repeated slowly.
"Cha-Ching," said the man. He stood straight with a grin.
"...Yes...That's it," Wufei stared at Mr. Cleven. He began to wonder why he had agreed to this. "I've been working here-"
"Five wonderful years!" Mr. Cleven happily put his hands on Wufei's shoulders.
"What is this?" asked a man gesturing at a small table with Chinese Checkers on in.
"It's a game of Mr. Choing's homeland. He's tried to teach me, but I've never actually been able to play it," Mr. Cleven laughed loudly and patted Wufei's back. The rest of the men laughed with him and wrote something else on their clipboards.
A woman suddenly entered, carrying a tray of noodles and rice. "Oh," she said with feigned surprise,"I was just bring Mr....Ching his breakfast." She entered and set the tray on the desk. Wufei watched in disbeleif as she began to pour tea for him.
"This is Megan Galley, Mr. Chin's secretary," Wufei's boss motioned for her to exit as the group made more notes. Wufei watched her carefully,
"Well, Mr. Cleven, I can see that this is a very diverse working environment. One last thing. We'd just like to see that Mr. Cachoing is a legal Untied States resident, which, I assure you, is standard procedure. We'll just need a bit of information from you and we can check on our data base..." A laptop suddenly emerged from the crowd.
Mr. Cleven was blissfully unaware as Wufei began to panic. He waved his hand slightly and captured his boss' attention. The rest of the men in t he room were trying to figure out how to turn on the device. Mr. Cleven noticed the worry on Wufei's face as he shook his head fervently.
"Mr. Jones..." Mr. Cleven uttered, keeping his eyes on Wufei.
"Yes, Mr. Cleven?"
"Mr. Ching won't be giving you any information," he sighed and motioned for Wufei to get up.
"He's not?" said the rest of the room. Except for Wufei, who said, "I'm not?"
"No, he's not," Mr. Cleven sat down as Wufei moved. "He's going to be leaving us today. His wife is sick a and she can't take care of all those kids." He motioned to the picture on the wall.
"You seem young to have so many children..." said one man, gazing at the picture suspiciously.
"We age slow...it's the rice," whispered Wufei.
The men nodded and smiled.
"Goodbye Mr. Cleven," Wufei stood up and held out his hand.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Mr. Cleven spoke very carefully. Wufei nodded.
"This isn't where I belong."
"You've been good to this company, Wufei Chang," Mr. Cleven smiled, knowing Wufei was really going to leave.
Wufei looked at him in astonishment. "You said my name correctly."
"...So I did. Wow, I guess I've become a bit Asian myself." The room laughed heartily, except for Wufei.
"I hate to interrupt, but if you have no minorities employed we have no choice but to shut you down-"
At that moment, Mr. Heroy entered holding a bundle of papers, "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were busy!" He turned to exit.
"Don't be silly," Mr. Cleven rushed forward and put his hands on Mr. Heroy's shoulders. "Please meet Mr. Heroy, our gay newsroom supervisor."
The men looked at him carefully.
"...But I'm married..." Mr. Heroy glanced with confusion at his boss.
"In Canada, last summer. Go gay marriage!" Mr. Cleven laughed nervously. So did everyone else in the room.
"But-" Mr. Heroy was cut off.
"Do you like this office, Heroy?"
"Yes, sir," he nodded slowly, looking around.
"I'll let you have it if your husband George likes it," Mr. Cleven tightened his grip.
"I-I'm sure he will," nodded Mr. Heroy.
"Well, I should go. By the way, thanks for the huge bonus you offered me for all the hard work I've been doing," Wufei raised his voice as he left. The group of men smiled and wrote more on their clipboards.
"You're welcome!" Mr. Cleven muttered under his breath as he waved, "you bastard..."
Night had come once Wufei finally wandered up to the door of their apartment. He had been walking all day, going nowhere in particular, until he finally found his way home. Children dressed in bright costumes ran back and fourth along the street, threatening every person they met for candy. As Wufei unlocked the door he noticed how dark the apartment was. "I guess they went out," he muttered. Once inside, he fumbled along the wall for the light switch.
"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!" The other four pilots jumped out. Wufei looked around, shocked at the elaborate decorations and how many strangers were in one room.
"Here you go!" Quatre giggled and handed Wufei a cup. Everyone else continued bobbing for apple and stealing things without anybody noticing.
"I like your costume," Trowa toasted to Wufei before chugging his own glass. His face was painted and he was dressed as a clown, apparently very, very drunk.
"Thanks."
"Whooooooooo!!!!" Duo jumped onto the couch, holding a fake sword in a dress. "Aye vases!"
"Isn't it aye vas....er' something like that...." Heero teetered back and fourth in front of the couch, dressed fully in a pirate's costume. "Gimme back me sward...wench!" Heero drank from a mug.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Quatre sighed, adjusting his bunny ears as Trowa walked off to give some trick-or-treaters candy.
"Yeah....so how many drinks did that take?" Wufei motioned to Heero and Duo playing pirate and wench.
"Twenty seven shots and three mugs," Quatre beamed as Heero finished off his mug and threw it aside, "Make that four."
"Tackle or treat!" Screamed a group of Asian children at the door. Wufei looked at them with vague familiarity.
"Oh, you're confused because you're foreign," chuckled the drunk Trowa. "It's 'trick-or-treat'."
"You heard us," said the tallest one as they all glared, deadly serious.
"...Oh...." Trowa swayed as he searched for the candy bowl. "I don't think we have any left...sorry."
The group of a dozen youngins or so jump on Trowa in fury and tackled him to the ground.
"How cute..." giggled Quatre before his eyes rolled back and he passed out.
"Help me!! Oh...the humanity!!" screamed Trowa in the background.
Heero walked up and threw Quatre over his shoulder.
"How much did Winner drink?" Wufei inquired.
"A Red Bull," answered Heero, carrying him down the hall.
"Not the bangs!!" Trowa squealed.
"Wufei!" Yelled Catherine in a fairy costume, "come bob for apples."
Wufei smiled and stepped over the beaten, mangled Trowa as the group of kids joined the party.
It was the best Halloween any of the pilots had ever had.
Duo looked excitedly out the window of his two-bedroom apartment that he shared with four other young men. He'd been there nearly all day because, well, he's unemployed, easily amused, and Duo.
Heero glanced irritably at the long-haired pilot, pausing from typing over his laptop for only a moment. "What is so interesting over there?"
"They're building a haunted house," Maxwell replied, without so much as a glance in the other direction. "They've been at it all day. One more day, Heero!"
"Until what?" Heero tried to conceal his interest. Duo look at him with sheer disbelief.
"Halloween!!" Duo cried out so loudly that Quatre poked his head out of the bedroom he shared with Wufei and Trowa.
"Whatever," Heero said very quietly, looking back down at his laptop.
"Heero, haven't you ever celebrated Halloween?" Duo raced to his side. Quatre walked out into the living room and squinted at the small clock in the corner of their kitchen.
"...So what. It's probably just some stupid kiddy thing," Heero grunted. Duo look at him as though Heero were a small child from a third world country that refused to believe in the existence of cotton candy. Or something like that.
"Heero, I'm going to give you the best Halloween ever!" Duo declared, clapping his hands.
"Duo, that's a wonderful idea!" Quatre joined in.
"What?!" Heero closed his computer. "No thanks."
"Oh, c'mon. W-we can go to haunted houses, and get lots of candy, and then we can bob for apples and have a party and invite a whole bunch of people that we don't even know, and eat CANDY, and we have to invite somebody named Bob so we can be like 'Hey Bob, why don't you BOB for apples??' 'Cause that's funny, Ahahaha!! And eat candy. Did I say that already?" Duo looked up in sheer deep thought.
"Yes Duo, we can throw a party. See, this is what I'm talking about. We need to have more fun. This house gets so dreary-"
"Apartment-" Heero corrected glumly.
"More like a reinforced cardboard box with a toilet and a door," Duo said truthfully.
"...Yeah, anyway, we can clean the place up, and decorate, and wear costumes, and- oh, this will be so much fun!" Quatre smiled.
"Where do you think we're going to get the money?" (Aha, at first I typed "monkey", because a party is not a party without a monkey.) Heero tried with every ounce in him to rain on their parade.
"Wufei works, Trowa...kind of works, and we can fund raise. We can have a BAKE SALE!!" Quatre squealed.
"We aren't the Girl scouts."
"But pretty nonetheless," Duo nodded. Quatre and Heero stared at him for a very long and uncomfortable time.
"...Anyway," Quatre said abruptly, "we'll find a way. You haven't lived until you've celebrated Halloween!" With that he ran off, with the air of Maria from the Sound of Music.
Duo just giggled and followed. Heero watched them go and nonchalantly returned to his typing.
Wufei squinted at the bright green numbers on the copy machine. He knew that he had typed in 4, that was all the copies that he needed. Yet for some reason, the machine decided that every person in Southern California deserved to have a copy of "The Increases and Declines in the Sale of Avocados."
"Woochy!!" A man called from the other side of the very long room filled with different typed of machines.
"Wufei! Wufei!" Wufei closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. "Wufei, it isn't that hard!"
"Just the man I wanted to speak to!" Mr. Heroy, Wufei's superior, came toward the pilot quickly. He stopped when he noticed the pile of paper that was laying on the floor and still being added too. "Do you really need all of these copies?"
"Yes," Wufei's eye twitched, "I'm going to fill my swimming pool with them."
There was a pause. Mr. Heroy look as though he was going to speak but decided against it.
"You said you wanted to see me for something?" Wufei pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Yes, you remember the Foutley Files?"
"...The ones that took me a week to copy?" Wufei clarified.
"Oh, yea, well, so sorry, but yesterday at lunch me a a few of the guys got into quite an avid game of paper football. Anyway, half of the copies have disappeared and Mr. Cleven wants them on his desk tomorrow." Mr. Heroy smiled. Wufei lifted his index finger very, very slowly, and poked Mr. Heroy in the eye.
"..."
"..."
"Did you feel that?"
"Yes, it was quite painful," Wufei's superior fluttered his eyes. Wufei looked at him very closely.
"...Right, well, I should be off now...Lots of things to do..." Mr. Heroy turned around casually, but then ran so fast that he hit a fax machine, had to pause to pick it up, and ran again.
Trowa peeked out at the audience from behind a covered section in the circus tent. He sighed sadly, seeing the crowd that had been getting notably smaller with each week.
"Trowa," Catherine tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, slightly startled. "We're up next."
"I know," he nodded.
"I have something to tell you," she looked down.
"What is it?"
"Nothing life threatening..." Catherine sighed. An announcer suddenly came on. "I'll tell you after our performance."
"THE MAGNIFICENT, GRAVITY DEFYING DUO, TROWA AND CATHERINE!" Catherine took Trowa's hand and led him into the spotlight. She smiled and waved at the crowd as two handles suspended from ropes lowered. They both stepped into them and slowly began to rise in the air.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M A GEMINI, SINGLE, AND HAVE SHOE SIZE OF TWELVE. PLEASE SEE ME BY THE LADIES BATHROOMS AFTER THE SHOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED! ON A SIDE NOTE, TROWA, THE MAN TO YOUR LEFT, IS CONSTIPATED."
"No I'm not," Trowa raised his brow.
"Don't pay attention. They had to dock his pay," Catherine suddenly spoke louder, "and he's a GREEDY, BITER, LOSER WHO LIVES IN HIS MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM!"
The man in the box above the audience flipped Catherine off.
Catherine sighed, "I was going to tell you...this is going to be our last show. Nobody wants to go to the circus anymore, we can't keep this up." They were set in their place, and the crowd watched with silent anticipation. "I'm sorry."
Trowa looked very shocked, which isn't a good thing when you're 100 feet in the air.
"Trowa...do the first move!" Catherine said out of the side of her smile. Trowa didn't move.
"TROWA! Lean forward!" Catherine ordered. The crowd began to shift and complain.
"The circus is my whole life..." Trowa whispered.
"Trowa, please," Catherine sighed. Just when she was about to signal the operator to let them down, Trowa slowly bent forward and began to swing back and fourth, as they had practiced countless times.
Heero glanced at the clock. Duo and Quatre had been gone for almost three hours. He was just considering running away and hiding out for a week or so, when the door opened. Quatre was attempting to balance four paper bags, and Duo followed closely behind with a pirate's hat under his arm.
"Where did you get the money for this?" Heero asked, not really wanting to know.
"Relax, I used the emergency money that Rashid sent me," Quatre was beaming. Exhausted, but beaming.
"Emergency money?!? Why didn't you use it to buy food, gas for the van, furniture, or something??" Heero closed his laptop and stared at them in disbelief.
"Well, it was only five hundred," Quatre said quietly, sitting on the floor with his bags and shuffling through them.
Heero just decided to keep quiet and not kill anybody. But Duo was really testing it, because he had just placed the pirate's hat on Heero's head.
"You're going to be a pirate for Halloween! Try it out! Say 'arrrrrr'." Duo laughed and rushed over to Quatre.
"I'm not going in public dressed as a pirate," Heero replied in a very flat tone.
"Sure you are!" Duo jumped up and held a ragged red dress up against himself. "And I'm going to be your wench!"
"Duo!" Quatre yelled out.
"What? A pirate's not a pirate unless he's got a wench!" He did a very un-wenchful spin.
"Don't say wench...say...pirate's lady," Quatre pulled out something big, furry, and white.
"Wench!" Duo protested.
"Pirate's lady!" Quatre yelled back.
"Quatre, what the hell is that?" Heero's eye twitched ever so slightly.
"What? Oh this?" The blonde pilot stood up and held out a full bunny suit. "It's my costume." Yuy shook his head silently. He set the hat on the piece of wood suspended by buckets that they pretended was a table, walked into his room, and shut the door.
Quatre and Duo were silent.
"I think he like's his hat," Duo whispered. Quatre giggled and nodded in agreement.
"If he just let's himself, Heero will have fun."
"Oh, can we go to the haunted house?!" Duo's head shot in the direction of the window.
"Of course we can! We just have to figure out how to get Heero out of the house tomorrow," Quatre's voice suddenly got very quiet. They leaned close and planned out the next day.
Wufei peeled the paper off of the top of his instant ramen. The lunch room was loud and bustling, yet nobody was near Wufei. In fact, all of Wufei's coworkers sat on the complete other side of the room. It's had been that way for the past two weeks. Chang was not upset, he preferred it this way. They did have to talk to him, and he didn't have to listen to them talk. So it worked out.
He filled his freeze-dried lunch with water and put it into the microwave. Leaning against the counter, he suddenly observed that everyone had stopped talking. They were staring at Wufei, but trying to do so in a way that he wouldn't notice. Yet when fifty people are all trying not be non conspicuous, it doesn't work.
"Welfo!" Somebody called out.
Wufei looked astounded. "Welfo...?" He said under his breath. With a sigh he turned around. Mr. Cleven looked closely at him.
"Yes...?" Wufei ignored the beep signaling that his lunch was finished.
"Take that with you, we need to have a talk." With t hat Mr. Cleven left the room. Wufei grabbed his chop stick off the table and followed with his lunch in both hands.
Neither of them spoke until they were in Mr. Cleven's office that had once been a sickening pink. It was now Wufei's favorite shade of green.
"Have a seat, Mr. Ching-choing," Mr. Cleven nodded. Wufei didn't even make an attempt to correct him.
"...You are a prized member of my work force," his boss paced back fourth. "And because of this, I feel I need to be honest with you."
"Am I getting fired?" Wufei asked, not sure if he would have minded. He sat crisscross and began to eat his lunch.
"No, no...The feds have been on my back again, and they are telling me that we don't have enough mixture of culture in this administration. What I'm trying to say is that...other than you, everyone here is white. I we need you to be, well, more Asian," Mr. Cleven studied his face very closely.
"Wait, why don't you just hire some more minorities?" Wufei set down his food.
"Right now you're doing Asian things, why don't you do that more often?" his boss looked hopefully at him.
"...What's the difference?"
"Because we've only got one minority, we need you to be a really BIG minority, do you get what I'm trying to say? The feds are going to shut this place down if we don't get some flava'. You see what I just did there? I left off the 'or' on flavor and substituted it for an 'a'. We need somebody to do that. But all we've got is you. Hey, you're not gay, are you?" He said hopefully.
"What?! No!" Wufei looked astounded.
"Oh...that's a minority...right? Maybe I should asked that Heroy guy... He's always been a little iffy." Mr. Cleven sat down at his desk and made a note.
"What do you want from me?" Wufei asked very simply.
"Let me ask you something...Why don't you have an accent?"
"Bad dubbing."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Oh...Well, you're Japanese, right?" Mr. Cleven began to look through a drawer.
"No, I'm Chinese," Wufei resisted the urge to twitch.
"Eh, one of those European countries." Wufei stood up to go find something to smother himself with.
"Wait," Mr. Cleven stood up. "I want you to get rid of that mullet and wear some of your cultural clothes to work tomorrow. And get an accent or speak some Japanese when the feds get here tomorrow, okay? They are going to be talking to you. We're counting on this, Boq Choy." Mr. Cleven held out Wufei's Ramen to him. "And there could be some extra money in it for you..."
He gave the man a glance and took it.
"Are you sure you're not gay...?"
"Yes!" Wufei snapped.
"Just asking!"
Trowa opened up the door to their apartment, looking very grim. He looked to one side of the room and saw Quatre in a bunny suit, but said nothing. He began a slow traipse to his room, when he noticed Duo in a dress.
"Hey! ...What happened?" Quatre suddenly became concerned. Trowa looked down and walked into his room. The door was shut on Duo and Quatre for the second time that day. Quatre quickly removed his costume (he had clothes on under, perverts!)and rushed up to the shared bedroom door.
"Trowa?" Duo jingled up behind him and pressed his ear against the door.
"Trowa are you okay?" Quatre whispered. After a moment of silence, Quatre gestured for Duo to be quiet and opened the door.
One the floor of the small room there were three mattresses, each with one comforter. Scattered around the room were random clothes and few belongings that they had acquired from their months in the apartment. Trowa laid sprawled out on the middle mattress, face down.
"Trowa..." Quatre sighed, sitting beside him. "What happened?" Trowa mumbled something incoherently.
Duo hadn't entered the room. He had never been allowed in Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei's room. He recalled all of the torturous consequences proposed(mostly by Wufei) should he ever enter the room.
"What was that?" Quatre asked. Trowa lifted his head, "The circus is gone. It's all over. We've got no money left. We're going to starve."
"You weren't getting paid anyway," Quatre looked confused. Trowa moaned quietly and miserably.
"Trowa, don't be sad! Tomorrow is Halloween and Duo and I have been planning all these fun things! Maybe Catherine will get a house here now, and-and you can hang out with her more. You can get a job at the zoo or something, because you love animals. You can do tricks on the street and I'm sure people will give you money!" The blonde pilot smiled.
Trowa rolled over and looked at him. "I'll just bottle it up inside along with everything else that depresses me...one day leading to my motivation to kill you all."
"That's the spirit!" Quatre shouted. "Wait, what about killing?" Quatre blinked.
"Nothing," Trowa got up and walked out of the room. He paused in the doorway and studied Duo. "Why are you in a dress?"
"I'm Heero's wench!" Duo said excitedly.
"Oh, thought so," Trowa nodded and kept walking. Duo looked confused.
"C'mon Duo, we're still not done shopping," Quatre stood up.
"We still have to get Wufei a costume!" Duo pointed out.
"I'm not wearing a costume!" Wufei yelled out. He had just come home from work and looked more irritated than usual.
"Why not?" Duo pouted, following Quatre into the living room.
"Because I hate corporate America. They are forcing me to be something I'm not, so that they can fool themselves into thinking that they are diverse."
"But Wufei, you aren't American. You're an illegal alien," Quatre pointed out.
"Yeah, hey, how did you guys get here anyway?" Duo suddenly realized.
"Yeah, and why are we all living in a two bedroom apartment with no money or food? What's with all of these weird plot twists?" Trowa spoke up.
"Yeah, and why is everyone so out of character?" Heero had come out of his room. Just then Toby McGuire, Steve from Blues clues, and Michael J. Fox blinked into the room. They looked around the room and then suddenly noticed each other. Michael and Steve pointed at Toby and shouted "You look like me!" both at once. The realization caused them all to scream. This inspired the other five pilots to scream, also.
Suddenly Toby, Steve, and Michael blinked back out of the room.
"..." They all said at once.
"What were we talking about?" Wufei inquired.
"I dunno," Duo stared at the roof. "Halloween is tomorrow!"
"Duo, why are you wearing a dress?" Wufei suddenly felt he should ask.
"He's Heero's wench," Trowa informed.
"Oh, always knew it," Wufei said flatly and began to look in the kitchen for something to eat. Duo once again looked very confused.
"Let's go," Quatre motioned. Duo began to follow, but Quatre stopped him.
"What?"
"The dress."
"Oh, right!" Maxwell ran in the other direction to go change.
The night went by and morning came, the way they usually do in stories like this. Just imagine it accompanied by pictures of the moon moving across the sky, dew on leaves, birds, bad elevator music, that sort of thing.
Duo sat in the living room dressed in his favorite red and black pinstriped PJs, playing quietly on his guitar. Trowa and Quatre ate cereal at the table while Heero played Pac man on his laptop...wait, I mean, typed something important and top secret.
Wufei walked out of his room and drew the attention and silence of the the others.
"...I thought you weren't going to wear a costume," Duo said, spiteful that he didn't get to pick it out.
"What are you doing?" Heero asked quietly.
"Being Chinese," Wufei said glumly, walking slowly into the kitchen and searching hopelessly for food.
"You have to wear a dress to be Chinese?" Duo snorted.
"Hey! This is ceremonial ROBE! Not dress, ROBE!" Wufei snapped, snatching the box of cereal off of the table.
"Whatever..." Duo raised his hand to his mouth, "dress," he coughed.
"Trowa, why haven't you left for work yet?" Wufei ignored Duo.
"The circus has been canceled," Trowa said with the voice of a Christmas deprived five-year-old. Wufei laughed briefly, "sucks to be you."
"You shall be the first to die," Trowa whispered with a strange English accent.
"What?" Wufei arched a brow.
"Nothing."
"Trowa, why don't you and Heero...go somewhere." Quatre tried to think of something, but failed.
"Huh? Why?" Heero became aware of everyone else's existence.
"I'll give you one hundred dollars. You guys can go furniture shopping!" Quatre suddenly offered.
"We wouldn't be able to get much with that," Trowa pointed out.
"And there's only one car! I'm leaving in five minutes. So If you're taking it you need to drop me off at work," Wufei let them know.
"Stop being so negative and go BUY FURNITURE!!" Quatre yelled. The abruptness of this shocked the pilots so much that they asked no more questions and five minutes later all filed out the door and into their green van.
"Now it begins..." Quatre said with an evil glint in his eye.
Once the three pilots had all filed into the van, Trowa slowly turned to Wufei. "What do you do again?"
"I'm the executive copy machine operator," replied Wufei, checking his appearance in the mirror.
"Oh, copy bitch boy," Trowa leaned back.
Wufei glared at him as Heero started the car. After driving for about ten minutes the car finally came to a halt in front of a large, green building.
"What time do you need us to pick you up?" Heero muttered, staring off into the distance.
"Uhh...don't bother. I'll call a taxi," smiled Wufei.
"You don't have money for a taxi...." pointed out Trowa.
"I have a feeling that could change pretty soon," with that Wufei walked off, wooden sandals and all.
Once inside, Wufei was greeted by Mr. Cleven and a group of men in black suits.
"This is our most prized employee, Mr...." Mr. Cleven looked blank. He glanced at Wufei pleadingly.
"Wufei Chang," Wufei tried his hardest to sound Asian and held out a hand to one of the men . A few in back smiled and nodded, marking something down on clipboards.
"Let me show you to Mr. Ching's office..." Wufei's boss led the group of ten or so down the small hall into a large office. Wufei looked around cautiously. He didn't have an office.
"Is this your family?" said a man, pointing at a large framed picture on the wall. There was a large family sitting happily in the grass.
"Yes," nodded Wufei with uncertainty.
"The kids look just like you," the man smiled happily and wrote something else on his clipboard. Wufei's eye twitched.
"Have a seat Mr. Hong Kong," Mr. Cleven gestured with a large grin on his face.
Wufei gave him an odd look, but sat down anyway.
"How long have you been working here Mr....I'm sorry, I don't think I can pronounce it," said a very tall man wearing a bowler.
"Chang."
"Ch....Chawngo?"
"Chhhaaaaang," Wufei repeated slowly.
"Cha-Ching," said the man. He stood straight with a grin.
"...Yes...That's it," Wufei stared at Mr. Cleven. He began to wonder why he had agreed to this. "I've been working here-"
"Five wonderful years!" Mr. Cleven happily put his hands on Wufei's shoulders.
"What is this?" asked a man gesturing at a small table with Chinese Checkers on in.
"It's a game of Mr. Choing's homeland. He's tried to teach me, but I've never actually been able to play it," Mr. Cleven laughed loudly and patted Wufei's back. The rest of the men laughed with him and wrote something else on their clipboards.
A woman suddenly entered, carrying a tray of noodles and rice. "Oh," she said with feigned surprise,"I was just bring Mr....Ching his breakfast." She entered and set the tray on the desk. Wufei watched in disbeleif as she began to pour tea for him.
"This is Megan Galley, Mr. Chin's secretary," Wufei's boss motioned for her to exit as the group made more notes. Wufei watched her carefully,
"Well, Mr. Cleven, I can see that this is a very diverse working environment. One last thing. We'd just like to see that Mr. Cachoing is a legal Untied States resident, which, I assure you, is standard procedure. We'll just need a bit of information from you and we can check on our data base..." A laptop suddenly emerged from the crowd.
Mr. Cleven was blissfully unaware as Wufei began to panic. He waved his hand slightly and captured his boss' attention. The rest of the men in t he room were trying to figure out how to turn on the device. Mr. Cleven noticed the worry on Wufei's face as he shook his head fervently.
"Mr. Jones..." Mr. Cleven uttered, keeping his eyes on Wufei.
"Yes, Mr. Cleven?"
"Mr. Ching won't be giving you any information," he sighed and motioned for Wufei to get up.
"He's not?" said the rest of the room. Except for Wufei, who said, "I'm not?"
"No, he's not," Mr. Cleven sat down as Wufei moved. "He's going to be leaving us today. His wife is sick a and she can't take care of all those kids." He motioned to the picture on the wall.
"You seem young to have so many children..." said one man, gazing at the picture suspiciously.
"We age slow...it's the rice," whispered Wufei.
The men nodded and smiled.
"Goodbye Mr. Cleven," Wufei stood up and held out his hand.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Mr. Cleven spoke very carefully. Wufei nodded.
"This isn't where I belong."
"You've been good to this company, Wufei Chang," Mr. Cleven smiled, knowing Wufei was really going to leave.
Wufei looked at him in astonishment. "You said my name correctly."
"...So I did. Wow, I guess I've become a bit Asian myself." The room laughed heartily, except for Wufei.
"I hate to interrupt, but if you have no minorities employed we have no choice but to shut you down-"
At that moment, Mr. Heroy entered holding a bundle of papers, "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were busy!" He turned to exit.
"Don't be silly," Mr. Cleven rushed forward and put his hands on Mr. Heroy's shoulders. "Please meet Mr. Heroy, our gay newsroom supervisor."
The men looked at him carefully.
"...But I'm married..." Mr. Heroy glanced with confusion at his boss.
"In Canada, last summer. Go gay marriage!" Mr. Cleven laughed nervously. So did everyone else in the room.
"But-" Mr. Heroy was cut off.
"Do you like this office, Heroy?"
"Yes, sir," he nodded slowly, looking around.
"I'll let you have it if your husband George likes it," Mr. Cleven tightened his grip.
"I-I'm sure he will," nodded Mr. Heroy.
"Well, I should go. By the way, thanks for the huge bonus you offered me for all the hard work I've been doing," Wufei raised his voice as he left. The group of men smiled and wrote more on their clipboards.
"You're welcome!" Mr. Cleven muttered under his breath as he waved, "you bastard..."
Night had come once Wufei finally wandered up to the door of their apartment. He had been walking all day, going nowhere in particular, until he finally found his way home. Children dressed in bright costumes ran back and fourth along the street, threatening every person they met for candy. As Wufei unlocked the door he noticed how dark the apartment was. "I guess they went out," he muttered. Once inside, he fumbled along the wall for the light switch.
"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!" The other four pilots jumped out. Wufei looked around, shocked at the elaborate decorations and how many strangers were in one room.
"Here you go!" Quatre giggled and handed Wufei a cup. Everyone else continued bobbing for apple and stealing things without anybody noticing.
"I like your costume," Trowa toasted to Wufei before chugging his own glass. His face was painted and he was dressed as a clown, apparently very, very drunk.
"Thanks."
"Whooooooooo!!!!" Duo jumped onto the couch, holding a fake sword in a dress. "Aye vases!"
"Isn't it aye vas....er' something like that...." Heero teetered back and fourth in front of the couch, dressed fully in a pirate's costume. "Gimme back me sward...wench!" Heero drank from a mug.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Quatre sighed, adjusting his bunny ears as Trowa walked off to give some trick-or-treaters candy.
"Yeah....so how many drinks did that take?" Wufei motioned to Heero and Duo playing pirate and wench.
"Twenty seven shots and three mugs," Quatre beamed as Heero finished off his mug and threw it aside, "Make that four."
"Tackle or treat!" Screamed a group of Asian children at the door. Wufei looked at them with vague familiarity.
"Oh, you're confused because you're foreign," chuckled the drunk Trowa. "It's 'trick-or-treat'."
"You heard us," said the tallest one as they all glared, deadly serious.
"...Oh...." Trowa swayed as he searched for the candy bowl. "I don't think we have any left...sorry."
The group of a dozen youngins or so jump on Trowa in fury and tackled him to the ground.
"How cute..." giggled Quatre before his eyes rolled back and he passed out.
"Help me!! Oh...the humanity!!" screamed Trowa in the background.
Heero walked up and threw Quatre over his shoulder.
"How much did Winner drink?" Wufei inquired.
"A Red Bull," answered Heero, carrying him down the hall.
"Not the bangs!!" Trowa squealed.
"Wufei!" Yelled Catherine in a fairy costume, "come bob for apples."
Wufei smiled and stepped over the beaten, mangled Trowa as the group of kids joined the party.
It was the best Halloween any of the pilots had ever had.