August 1955
It is a beautiful day in New York, and Therese finds herself wondering if her life could get any better than this.
Walking in Central Park she feels the sun warming her skin, kissing her face and it feels good. It does not feel as good as Carol's kisses on her cheeks, on her nose or on her temple, but it still feels good. And if she closes her eyes she can imagine that the warmth she can currently feel on her cheekbones is reminiscent of the heat Carol's kisses usually spread on her face and through her whole body.
Realising that her train of thoughts is quickly becoming quite inappropriate, Therese reminds herself that she is in a public place and that she should quietly daydream about something else. Before doing so, she smiles. She smiles because it is a beautiful day and she could not be happier. She smiles because she knows that Carol will kiss her as soon as they get home, that her kisses and touch will spread through her with this intense heat and desire that she loves so much. Still smiling, she opens her eyes. She knows the warmth provided by the sun will have to do for now. And it will until they are in their room at home.
Looking at the tall blonde woman walking in front of her, Therese's eyes fill with love and tenderness. At this moment, she might be the happiest person on earth: for the first time in more than four years the woman she loves can enjoy the company of her daughter freely. And seeing the smile Carol has on her face and in her eyes Therese knows that, somehow, this is the happiest she has ever felt. She very often thinks that it is not humanly possible to feel happier than she does. Yet, to her amazement she always ends up realising that every single day gives her more happiness than the last.
She hears Carol laugh at something Rindy said and is reminded that it is the most beautiful sound she has ever heard. She was worried she would be a little jealous having to share Carol's attention once Rindy arrived. But seeing Carol's smile, Rindy's adoration for her mother in her eyes, watching them interact with each other after so much time Therese could never feel jealous, because it is one of the most perfect things she has witnessed in her life. And it has been so hard for Carol, only seeing her daughter five to ten times a year, always having Harge or his parents around, as if she was not capable of caring for her own child. As if she was a bad mother, someone Rindy should be protected from. Carol has already missed so much of her daughter's childhood, some unique moments that she will never get to experience or to remember. Nothing can compensate for the time that was lost, for the love that could not be shared.
But today is a beautiful day and for the very first time in years it is just Carol and Rindy without anyone here to watch them, no one here to make sure that Carol does not hurt her own child. No one to remind them of how hard it is to be kept away from one another.
Therese is walking slightly behind them, she wants to let them enjoy each other's presence. Of course they do not make her feel like she should not be here with them, for they all know this is exactly where she ought to be. She just likes walking a few steps behind for from here she can see them interact, she can see their smiles, hear their voices and their laughters. She can see the unbreakable bound, the everlasting love, and it makes her feel all warm inside, her whole body revelling in an intense feeling of happiness.
Carol suddenly looks over her shoulder, checking that Therese is still with them, asking with her eyes if she is okay. The brunette beams at her and she knows that Carol can see all the joy in her eyes. Carol offers her a gorgeous smile in return and once again looks at Rindy, who is telling her how Harge allowed her to invite her best friend Rose over at their house for her birthday.
Therese knows how much Carol wishes she could be with her daughter for her birthday and she hopes that they will get to see Rindy on that special day next year. Maybe they could even take her to the zoo.
As she starts daydreaming about happiness and Carol and how really the blonde woman is comparable to the sun, the moon and every single star in the universe, Therese notices Carol's hand getting closer to Rindy's arm and take a hold of the girl's hand. She smiles at the gesture but Rindy pulls her hand away from her mother's, annoyed. Therese's heart breaks and aches. It does because she knows Carol's has just been blown to smithereens. To the untrained eye, her hurt does not show, she still walks proudly next to her daughter, smiling. But Therese knows, she feels it in her own heart and she sees the way Carol's right hand is slightly shaking, how her head bows ever so slightly.
She quickens her step and walks right next to Carol's side. She knows she cannot take her hand and lace their fingers together, so she decides to let their arms brush as they walk. Carol looks away from Rindy and directly into Therese's eyes. Therese can see happiness in them. She can see happiness, and love, and tenderness. She can see today, yesterday and forever. She sees blues and greys, the sky and the moon,and a million stars. Somewhere in her lover's eyes she also sees hurt and rejection, and she knows she has to act.
She puts her arm around Carol's, their elbows slightly caressing each other every step they take. Carol smiles at her, a bit surprised at the sudden, unusual gesture. With a smile and never looking away from Carol's eyes Therese adds:
« Carol, you silly, Rindy's way to old to be holding your hand in a public park »
Rindy laughs and smiles at Therese before looking at her mother.
« Yes Mommy, I turned eight this year I am a big girl now! » It is clear from her voice that she is very proud of being eight, and that she had no intention of hurting her mother on purpose. She is just a big girl now, and in her little head no matter how much they love their mothers, big girls like her do not hold hands with them anymore.
Carol smiles at her daughter and turns her gaze back to Therese who is still holding her arm with no apparent intention of ever letting go.
Smiling and losing herself in Carol's grey eyes Therese whispers:
« I swear I'll never be too old to hold your hand »
Carol's smile finally reaches her eyes again, and just as the sun above, they shine so brightly.
It really is beautiful day.