All or Nothing
There were various reasons why Erik Lensherr felt uncomfortable at "Division X" Headquarters.
The first reason being he was amongst individuals, mutants, whom he had never had previous association. It would be incredibly foolish of him to trust them, any of them. Granted, Charles did save his life, not that he needed saving at all. However, Erik was unsure if he would have had the sense to release Shaw's submarine from his magnetic hold. Anger, above all other emotions, had the tendency of getting the best of him. Charles timing was not only unexpected, but impeccable.
The second reason was that his intentions contrasted drastically with his fellow 'teammates'. He had one priority, and one priority only, and that was to kill Sebastian Shaw. Erik did not have to hear Charles tell him directly that he was against any unnecessary deaths. He could tell that he was just by the way he spoke of humans and mutants eventually coexisting together on this planet. Erik would not rest until Shaw was dead. Staying on this 'team' could possibly deter him from his original plan of action, to the point where he was thinking on the same wavelength as Charles. For the sake of his mother, and all those that have died by Shaw's hands, he could not allow that to happen.
The third and final reason was that Erik convinced himself many years ago that he would and could make it on this Earth alone. He needed no one. He didn't like other people to have the burden of worrying over him. It was both unnecessary and stupid. Erik was accustomed to anger, so any other emotion was a waste of time, in his opinion. Things like love, happiness, remorse, sadness, only slowed him down. With a goal in mind, he could not afford such insignificant things get in his way.
And that was why Erik made the decision to leave.
After retrieving Shaw's file from one of the many offices in the colossal building, Erik pushed open the glass double doors and stalked almost silently down the stone walkway, briefcase in hand with Shaw's file locked away for personal revision later.
Erik had only gotten about halfway to the gates before a familiar voice met his ears.
"From what I know about you, I'm surprised you managed to stay this long."
Instantly, Erik recognized it to be Charles, the man that had treated him like they were lifelong friends even though they had just met days prior. What exactly did he mean by that statement? Why was he surprised? What did he know? How much did he know? All of those questions bombarded Erik's instantly after the statement left Charles' lips. "What do you know about me?"
The human mind truly was a very extraordinary thing. It was a vast catacomb of thoughts and emotions, a maze of innermost desires and secrets that never quite reached the light of day. As a telepath, Charles Xavier was no stranger to the aspects of the human mind - if anything, he was perhaps more familiar with it than anyone else. Though he may not have completely understood certain people - Raven, though she had been with him for years and years, would always be somewhat of a mystery to him - he did feel as though he had a befitting grasp upon most. People, for all their complexities, were almost insipid at times in their overall simplicity.
One person that Charles had failed to figure out, however, was Erik. He'd only known the young man for a matter of days, but that should have been plenty of time to uncover any secrets the other may have been keeping. Though he'd tapped into his thoughts on more than one occasion - a habit Charles found himself extremely guilty of falling victim to more often than he would have liked - he still felt as though there were things that Erik was keeping from him. A small part of him couldn't find fault in that sort of introversion; they'd only known each other for a matter days, they didn't owe one another a single thing. Erik's mind was unlike anything Charles had ever encountered; it was a complicated lockbox of memories so far hidden that he was surprised he could even access them. But he'd felt his pain and seen his rage, and he grappled with understanding it.
Amber liquid caught the flickering firelight in the library as he lifted the glass to his lips. He was once again secluded in the library, locked away with the books that had provided him with so much comfort over the years. Though he was alone, he didn't feel as though he was - bits and pieces of thoughts and feelings rolled through his mind at random intervals as though he were receiving various frequencies from a radio. He was well aware of the location of every member in the headquarters; Raven, Moira, even the other agents, who viewed them both with a sense of fear and guarded respect. His mind finally rested on Erik, and a sense of alarm suddenly filled him - he was leaving. He couldn't leave, not now.
He stood from his chair and left the half-empty glass of scotch on the end table in one fluid motion. He needed to prevent Erik from leaving - though he'd suspected for quite some time that the other man would attempt an escape at one point, he couldn't bring himself to allow it. The door slammed close behind him, though he paid the noise no mind; there were more important matters at hand than worrying about waking anyone who happened to be asleep. His pace was quick as he moved through the corridors of the headquarters, his mind still focused on Erik's quickly fleeting presence.
He was outdoors before he truly saw him - Erik was moving quickly, his back straight and his gait steady - and he slowed slightly to save appearance. There was no use in flying after him like an anxious busybody; he needed to appear casual, as if to say that Erik leaving wouldn't affect him in the slightest. It would, of course, but there were some things in his own mind that were best kept hidden.
"From what I know about you, I'm surprised you managed to stay this long." Charles called casually after him; his hands sliding into the pockets of his slacks. He saw Erik slow then stop, though it took him a few moments longer to turn and face him.
"What do you know about me?"
"Everything." And nothing at all. He wanted to think that he knew it all, that he was able to proudly boast that Erik was practically an open book to him, but he wasn't. Not yet.
Erik's breath was cut short at that simple, yet complex word. How could he know everything? Surely he didn't know everything about him. That thought alone was positively mortifying. Erik shook his head, jaw clenched tight as he contemplated what to say back. What could he say? Challenge him? Bet that he didn't know everything? No, because then Charles would more than likely be inclined to prove it.
Erik's hand gripped the handle of his briefcase tighter, his knuckles visibly whitening with the added pressure. His gaze hardened; the intensity of his eyes could have potentially bore a hole right through Charles' soul. "Then you'll know to stay out of my head." He snapped, shooting the man a hateful glare before turning to leave once more.
Charles studied the change in his face, subtle as it was. Obviously the idea of someone knowing every single one of his thoughts horrified Erik; while his face was usually a carefully constructed mask of passivity, there were tiny changes that Charles was easily able to notice. He didn't miss the way in which his jaw clenched, nor did he miss the hardened edge to his gaze. Angry as Erik was, there wasn't anything he could say in retaliation - how could one possibly argue with a mind reader, after all?
A quiet sigh escaped him as he continued to observe Erik from his place near the entrance to the main building. He saw the other man turn, poised to leave once again. "I'm sorry, Erik." he said, just loudly enough for his words to drift across to him. "But I've seen what Shaw did to you. I felt your agony. I can help you."
But how could he? Even he wasn't entirely sure what he could do - though he wanted desperately to aid Erik in some way, his possibilities were very limited. He'd seen his mind; he knew already that Erik was nearly lost to the rage and despair that had gripped him ever since his first encounter with Sebastian Shaw. But he was speaking without thinking for once in his life, nearly desperate to prevent Erik from leaving just yet.
"I don't need your help." Anger and irritation was laced in Erik's tone, but at the same time it still remained firm. He remained facing the gates, flexing his fingers as his grip lessened on the handle of his briefcase.
That much was true. He didn't need Charles, or anyone else. Or at least, that is what he'd managed to convince himself all these years. He was so inclined to leave, yet he found himself frozen, waiting to see if Charles would-could say anything more to that, or if he would just leave it alone.
Though he'd wanted to keep his expression and his tone as mild as possible, Erik always managed to bring forth some sort of deeper emotion within him. Didn't need his help? Of course he didn't. He didn't need his help in the same way Charles himself didn't need the help of Moira and the government. Whether Erik wanted to accept the fact or not, he was dependent upon the others and the assistance they could provide; he'd be lost without it, and though it twisted his stomach to even toy with the possibility, he would have probably been dead by now. Charles leveled Erik with another stern gaze, his mouth turning downward in a frown.
"Don't kid yourself." he said, the hint of annoyance seeping into his tone without his realizing it. "You needed my help last night. It's not just me you're walking away from." He had no idea why he said something like that, but the words kept coming. "Here you have the chance to be a part of something much bigger than yourself. I...won't stop you leaving. I could, but I won't."
It hurt to say, but he hoped that at least pretending that he didn't need Erik would spur some sort of reaction in him that would make him change his mind. He turned to go, giving one last look at Erik over his shoulder as he prepared to return to the library. "Shaw's got friends. You could do with some."
Erik let his eyes fall shut, a light sigh slipping from his lips. Why the hell did this man care so much if he stayed or left? Charles was amongst friends; Erik was not. What would it matter if one out of the group left?
Then again…
If he wasn't anyone special to Charles, he would have just let him go. So what does all of this mean? Erik didn't understand, and he didn't know if he ever would. "Why do you care so much?"
Why did he care so much? Charles frowned again, his departure from the gates delayed. Why did he care so much? It was a question he couldn't readily answer. The safest and most obvious retort would have been his dedication to bettering the world for those like him, and such adherence to mutants called for some sort of compassion to any of them. Erik may not have believed that he needed anyone at all, but such isolation never garnered positive results.
"Erik," He was aware of just how tired he sounded and he fought to regain a steadier tone. "I want you to tell me what I can do to convince you to stay." He still didn't know why he cared so much, why he felt the need to try again and again to keep him here, but he did. He may not have been able to stop him from leaving, but he was going to try his very best to.
Erik scoffed under his breath, but it was loud enough for Charles to hear. A look of slight irritation briefly crossed Charles face, but it disappeared when Erik met his gaze once more. So, Charles wanted him to stay? So much so that he was willing to do just about anything to get him to?
Erik then shook his head and looked at the other man in disbelief, quirking a brow. "Aren't you supposed to be a mind reader?"
Charles didn't miss the scoff Erik aimed at him, nor did he miss the irritated expression on the other man's face. Charles could not help but be annoyed at the same time - why did Erik have to be so positively frustrating all of the time? He'd only known the man for a very brief period of time and already he was acutely aware of just how stubborn he could be. It was nearly infuriating.
"I won't read your mind without your permission." Charles lied easily, turning around to fully face Erik. He kept his expression impassive and his gaze leveled evenly on the other's face. Though he'd done so already, he hoped that Erik wouldn't realize that he had, in fact, delved into the recesses of his mind.
Erik's gaze flickered down to the ground, staring silently at a scuff on his shoe, seeing as how it was becoming more and more interesting by the second. Charles promise that he would not read his mind without his authorization was reassuring. Did he have anything to hide? He was sure a mind reader could see things he couldn't, and know things that he didn't-things that were buried deep in the back of his mind. Things that he'd almost been forced to forget over time.
"Well then," Erik spoke, looking back up to Charles. "Go ahead."
Go ahead.
Erik was giving him permission to read his mind. For a moment, Charles couldn't coherently process a thought - he'd been so sure that Erik would immediately strike down the very idea of someone reaching into his mind that he wasn't sure how to react to anything but. He stared at Erik, searching his face for any traces of vacillation. But the other man was looking back at him, seemingly at ease with his decision.
"All right," Charles said, more to himself than to Erik, a hand raising to his temple. He focused solely on the other man, and the thoughts hit him with sudden intensity - people and places and brutal memories all wrapped into one. He saw Sebastian Shaw as Erik did, a ruthless killer responsible for any pain the man had experienced, a target meant to be taken down. He saw his fellow mutants, naive and innocent and wanting what was best for the world even though they were hated by it. And he saw himself buried within the other thoughts flooding Erik's mind, a realization that caused him to draw back, startled, as he stared wide-eyed at the man standing across from him.
Words failed him. The hand that had been resting against his temple fell limply back to his side as he continued to stare - what else could he do?
"So," Erik asked, pausing to clear his throat. "What am I thinking?"
This thought, however, Erik had complete control of. Whether Charles would like it or not was the real question. It was strange to think about. Erik had no idea why, but ever since he first encountered the other mutant, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. Clearly, with his goal in mind of humans and mutants coexisting in the world, he was driven, and that was something to be admired, even if that wasn't any concern of his.
In this particular thought, Erik envisioned himself and Charles, sitting alone in what appeared to be a personal library, on a lavish couch, their bodies illuminated only by the light of the fireplace. His hands were slowly running up and down Charles back, both their legs beginning to entwine at the ankles. Charles was smiling at him, laughing softly as Erik peppered his face in light kisses. Charles hand would snake up Erik's chest, only to cup the side of his face and pull him in for a deep kiss. Erik couldn't help the slight smirk that tugged at the corners of his lips the second he saw Charles face fall.
The remnants of Erik's thoughts still lingered in his mind - though he was trying very hard to focus on anything else but the image of himself and Erik tangled together on a couch, it was a losing battle. He shook his head slightly as if that would clear his mind, but it didn't.
"You...were thinking of me." The disbelief was apparent in his voice; he'd never grappled with the idea of anyone, particularly Erik, possessing a thought that revolved solely around him. Though he hadn't been faced with it yet, Charles realized that perhaps his thoughts had wandered to the other mutant a few more times than they should have. He was attached to the man, this was true, and even though he had no reason to be. His feelings toward Erik were complicated at best, and he didn't particularly enjoy the predicament. Things should not have been this complicated; there was certainly enough to worry about.
Erik was legitimately surprised when Charles admitted the thought aloud. He half expected him to lie, or even mention another one of the thoughts bombarding his mind. He chuckled and raised both of his eyebrows. "Bravo." Came his reply, clenching the handle of his briefcase even tighter than before. He was able to feel the tension rise exponentially between them, and it wasn't exactly a comforting feeling. The bile rose in Erik's throat, nervousness sweeping over him. Why. Why was this happening? He had an uneasy feeling deep in the pit of his stomach, and he knew from this day forward, if he ended up staying, things would never be the same.
Charles head was spinning. So many thoughts were racing through his mind, things he could barely comprehend or make sense of. What he'd seen in Erik's head wasn't something he could easily explain; he'd only met the man days ago, and their relationship should not have been more than a blossoming friendship at best. Nothing like this.
Charles looked to Erik's face again, noting the anxiety crossing the other man's features. His hand gripped the handle of his briefcase so tightly his knuckles turned white, and he saw the tendon in his jaw jump a few times as he gritted his teeth. Was he nervous? Charles had to admit that even he was experiencing some sense of worry; he wasn't used to dealing with things like this, especially not with another man.
He found himself taking a few cautious steps forward, lessening the distance between them. "Will that make you stay?" Despite the turmoil in his mind, his voice was strangely steady - maybe he was handling this much better than he thought.
Erik let out the breath that he'd been holding in, watching intently as Charles took a couple slow strides towards him. Charles was calmer than he thought he would be. This had to of been his first instance having another man attracted to him, right? Just because he was shocked of the revelation, doesn't mean he wasn't accepting of it.
"It's a start." 'Magneto' rumbled, just loud enough for Charles to hear once he was within earshot. Now, he was no longer nervous-once he saw a smile slowly working its way onto Charles' face. It was a truly magnificent smile, now that he really looked at him. Erik allowed himself to smile back, gaze soft, staring fondly into the Professor's eyes.
He should have been more cautious, really. This was a leap of faith he wasn't fully prepared to take, and yet here he was, running blindly toward it without a second thought. Closing the distance between them was easy, just a few stride and then he was there, standing before Erik and looking up at him. A smile curved the corners of his lips upward, a gesture that came with very little thought.
Again without thinking he stretched upward, his hand raising to brush against the side of Erik's face. "Come on," he said, pressing a light kiss to the other man's cheek. "It's much warmer in the library."
-End-