A/N - So, this is my first story posted on fanfiction (eep!) Go easy on me please. I know this first chapter isn't the greatest and my summary sucks but I promise ti'll get better. Or at least, I think it will. Follows, favorites, reviews, etc. are greatly appreciated! I hope you all enjoy!

Curled up on the leather couch in me and my sister's room, I hummed to myself one of my favorite Asgardian lullabies as a child and scribbled away into my journal. Quite a petty thing to do; keep a journal, that is. While it wasn't exactly looked down upon if you wrote a journal, it was something most wouldn't even consider to do anymore. It was viewed as silly and a waste of time by all those "too good" to waste their time upon it. It was just a boringly mild thing to do and the only people you would ever see writing journals anymore were a few of the common people, most too ashamed to openly admit it. Then again, I was a boringly mild person in the roundabout, so I suppose it made sense I keep something as boringly mild as myself. I was nothing important, no matter what anyone said. There was nothing special or significant about myself and I was quite okay with that. Content, actually.

I was okay with being the quiet plain one with no defining characteristics to put myself out there. It's what I always had been at what I had always been comfortable with. Sure, I could fight; I'd been training alongside my sister since we were but small children, but I'd much rather curl up with a good book and keep to myself in the peace and quiet than go fight in wars and celebrate with loud obnoxious friends drinking hard liquor any day. My sister was a much more talented fighter than I anyways. She had always had such a strong proclivity for it. We were very different that way. She was always up for the next fight and loud after party whereas I'd much prefer stay out of the spotlight and just keep to my own mind. It was just much more appealing to me; it always had been even as a little kid. I only ever did keep a single friend and maybe a few tolerable acquaintances in my lifetime. Not that I couldn't be sociable, it just had to be with the right person and I just typically didn't feel like it.

Just then came a single quick knock at the door before I heard it open and close and I instantly knew who it was before I even looked up from my journal. Only one person would let themselves in so freely like that. I looked up from where I was writing for a moment only to have my suspicion confirmed, seeing my sister walking towards her bed as she stripped her armor off and tossed it nonchalantly to the side. My eyes immediately returned to the paper, as my sister returning from sparring like this wasn't all that abnormal and quite frankly not all that interesting. My eyes were soon broke from my writing again, however, when my sister decided to actually speak up on this occasion.

"Do you ever stop writing in that thing, Eira!? That's all I ever see you doing anymore, writing in that old raggedy journal of yours. Isn't it about time to get out? Have some fun!? I worry about you…..ever since…..well, you know what….. you've been even more reserved than ever. I didn't even think that possible." she half-shouted in a more than exasperated tone of voice. My hands clenched the journal tighter and I resisted the urge to snap at her. Bringing up my writing habits and the fact that I never got out had been typical of her for years, but bringing that into this was most definitely not okay. I had every right to be even more reserved after that. No matter how unreasonable it seemed to my sister, it was absolutely reasonable in my eyes. "I mean, I know you're upset and all, but-"

"But nothing, Sif. But nothing." I interrupted. Yes, my sister was the Lady Sif. It wasn't really all that big a deal but every now and again I would meet a few people who would get completely star struck upon finding out I was related to her. It's not like it was a secret or anything, but Sif didn't really talk about me all that much with her friends and the people of the kingdom so it wasn't a surprise if people had no clue we were related. "I don't like to socialize and you know this," I started again. "So don't you dare use what happened as a way of trying to get me out. You make it seem like I use it as an excuse! You make it seem like I have no right to be upset over this! Like there isn't a reason to be upset about this at all. I have every right to be upset over this and I have every right to keep myself locked up in this room for however long I please! It's none of your damn business!"

Sif seemed a little taken aback at my harsh tone, which wasn't quite shouting but was hard enough to make her know I was serious and having none of her bullshit today. I was usually a relatively calm and patient person so me taking a more assertive tone must have really surprised her. I felt a little bad for snapping at her, but using that was crossing a very dark and personal line. Even she knew this. Her look of surprise softened a little bit but she stayed stern, dead set on getting me out and about of this room I've stayed locked up in for the past month or so. Typical Sif. Always the stubborn one.

"Eira, I'm not saying that you're using Loki's death as an excuse…... I'm just saying that despite being upset about it you should at least try and have some fun. I know you loved him, and don't you try to deny that, it's as plain as day to see…and while I will never understand how you could ever even possibly like the filthy rat, I understand that you loved him. And I'm sorry you had to lose someone you love so dearly, I truly am. But Loki is dead and you are going to have to get over it eventually. Odin has arranged for a ball tomorrow night in celebration of the palace finally being rebuilt to its previous glory. Come with me." she urged, taking a seat on her bed and crossing her arms.

My grip on the journal tightened even further. I knew she had a point. Loki was dead and there was nothing I could do to bring him back no matter how badly I wanted to. I would have to get over it eventually…But I knew I'd never get over it. Not truly. So I'd just have to learn to suppress the pain and pretend it wasn't there. Yes, that should be no problem. That was something I was very good at. But she did have a point. I had had my fit and locked myself away in my room for the many weeks following. Maybe it was time to at least pretend I wasn't numb as I was.

Still, just because I needed to stop moping around excessively and ignoring everyone that didn't mean I wanted to get out and go to social events. "I don't want to go to a stupid little ball with a bunch of obnoxious gods who think they're better than everyone else."

Sif frowned and I could tell that she was really starting to get annoyed with my antisocial habits. Pushing herself off of the bed, she walked to in front of where I was sitting and urged me further. "Come on, when was the last time Odin held a ball!? Please do this. For me, your sister. For our brother. He's worried about you, you know? Get out just this once and I'll never ask you to do anything like this ever again." she insisted. A lie. She'd almost immediately go back to begging me to socialize again after the ball. She knew this too. "Go…..Maybe you can meet a guy…..Someone else…..Someone who is not a completely awful person all around…It'll take your mind off things, at least."

That comment really got to me. 'Maybe you can meet a guy…..Someone else….'. In fact, it got to me so much that I was just done arguing. My tight grip on my journal loosened completely and I gently, but abruptly, shut it. Standing up from the couch, I spoke. "I don't want someone else. But if you insist I go to the ball then I'll go. Just quit bugging me about it."

You could see it on Sif's face. She knew how badly she had cut me and she was regretting her choice of words. Good. I hoped she felt awful for what she suggested. And with that I turned on my heels and ever so gracefully stalked off to the bathroom to take a shower…..if you even could gracefully stalk off that is. I heard Sif sigh and sit down before I shut the door, silencing all of the outside noise and leaving me alone with my thoughts

By the time I was out of the shower Sif was fast asleep in bed. Probably had a long and tiring day. I didn't make it any easier on her. I felt a bit of guilt for how distant I kept myself from her and how I had acted earlier. No, there was no reason for me to feel guilty. She was the one who was so insensitive to my feelings…Yet I knew she meant well…..Damn, I hate myself sometimes. It was me who deserved to feel guilty, not her. Sighing, I slipped into my own bed, trying not to think about our little conversation earlier. It would only make me feel worse. Instead, I let my mind drift. And you know where that led me to? It led me to the one person I really didn't feel like thinking about right now. I couldn't help it though.

There was something about him that I had just enjoyed from the very beginning and it made it impossible to forget him or the way he made you feel. I'd known him ever since we were children, while Thor and Sif were off sparring together me and Loki would hang out together to keep each other company. Loki had never intended to befriend me, nor I him. It just happened eventually. After all of the talking we did to simply keep ourselves occupied we discovered we quite enjoyed the others company. It was something new to the both of us to actually enjoy someone's presence and look forward to talking and seeing them. And it was something that had scared me half to death. But we became friends and over the years we would do a lot together. I don't know if I can say the same for him but I grew to care for him. I cared for him so much. In fact, as I got older I found myself falling in love with him. He may not have felt the same but just the fact alone that he considered me a friend was well enough for me.

I then frowned. The last time I had seen Loki was the day of Thor's would-be ceremony to become king, before everything all started. I hadn't seen him since, through all of the turmoil and what….what he had done. Here and on Midgard. I still love him and I know he had somewhat pure intentions….at least in the sense that he thought what he was doing was the right thing. He couldn't have just done it out of pure evil….that just wasn't Loki. At least, the Loki I know. I shook my head. No, don't think like that. Loki didn't hide anything from me. Yeah, didn't hide anything but the fact that he was going to let frost giants in the day Thor was to be named king and the entire plan he had that followed that incident.

I jerkily turned onto my other side, nuzzling in closer to my pillow. I didn't know what to think anymore. It was all just too much. The first time Loki "died" was bad enough….I had known in my heart that he wasn't really gone…..I had just known. But never the less he was gone and I had shed tears, questioning what was true and what was not. Then I come to find out he is alive and attempting to rule over Midgard. It was all just insane. It had been a hectic few years. But now that he was actually dead, I didn't know what to do. Loki was my only friend. As much bad as he'd done recently, he was still the light of my life. He was what made my life interesting and worth living. Like a story book….I let myself shed a tear.

I remember how I first reacted when I was informed they had found Loki's body, dead, on Svartalfheim. I remember the feeling of disbelief that washed over me before I started silently crying. Then that silent crying turned into blind rage and I was throwing things across the room and smashing things onto the floor. Then I just broke down. I stopped acting violent and I just broke down. I fell to the floor, curled up into a ball, and sobbed my eyes out until it got dark and all of my tears were used up. I remember the looks of pity from Sif and the others who came to try and comfort me. That was a day I would never forget. Ever. And even after all of that I remember thinking to myself, at least he died a noble death. The noble death that he deserved. And with that thought, I felt myself slip into the darkness of sleep, surely to dream of you know who.