Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is the sole intellectual property of Studio Gainax and it's respective creators and distributors. No profit is intended from this infringement and I will happily remove all vestiges should a cease and desist letter be written.

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I Respect Beer

Author: Garasu

I respect beer. I like the cold feeling of aluminum in my hands, the way the water trickles down the straight, shiny sides as it gently warms to my hand's touch. It has helped me and protected me in many situations ranging from broken hearts to preventing me from coming closer to anyone else.

"Anyone else." Those thoughts drew my mind inexplicably from the delicious amber fluid nestled within its protective metal confines enclosed between my hands to the door on the right side of the hall, only a few meters away from where I sat. It was that distance that probably caused him to run away again. I think I've always wanted to become closer to him as I should have so why couldn't I stop pushing him away? Why couldn't he have opened up and accepted my affection? Strange, I always thought that when I had children that I would make a good mother…but it seems as if my reasons were flawed at the time. He is not a child; he is not even mine, as much as I wish that that was the case. I doubt he would even come back after the way I treated him.

Despite my better wishes a sigh escaped my lips as I further contemplated the small metal plate lovingly nailed to the door that I was watching. How long has it been? Two… maybe three days since I last saw him? I haven't even tried to look for him either, yes, I realize now that I would have been a horrible mother. Perhaps it's even better that he's gone now, he could take care of himself he's used to it, or so he has told me on many separate occasions.

Drawing my gaze back to the comfort that lay between my hands I frowned and shook the metal object lightly. Damn, gone again. But that's okay I have plenty left. I couldn't possibly live right without at least three days worth supply stocked and ready for easy access. I guess I am as pathetic as others have said if I depend on such a vice to help me through these kinds of things. But what else should I depend on? Beer has always been a constant in my life, utterly dependable in every respect, unlike anyone else in my life thus far.

It was only a simple matter of a few moments before another fresh can was placed before me, lovingly retrieved from its place of honor in my apartment. As long as I'm at it, I might as well plan for the future. Three more containers joined its brethren, ready to aid me in my holy quest to quiet my demons. Unfortunately tonight, it seems that my demons are completely unwilling to go to sleep. What is it about him, I wonder, that has me completely enthralled? I wish he were my own child, yet I can remember no time in my life that I have ever wished for such a thing as offspring. Perhaps I'm too afraid of being like my mother and father, but is that really true? I loved my mother; it broke my heart to see her cry, to watch as father broke her heart. Could I honestly be like that to my own child, knowing what it felt like?

Another one gone. How many has that been tonight? Five, I think. Usually I'd be almost ready by now, just one more and I would be ready for sleep. Why do I feel so wide-awake, then? Could this be the final stage of addiction, like Ritsu has always warned me about? No…I don't think so… I can still feel my liver intact and frantically working to clean the calming fluid from my bloodstream. What an awful thing to feel… my own body is rejecting the solace I desperately need. Irony is a bitch.

My eyes once again find the door that I had been staring at earlier, as if somehow just by staring at it, I could magically find it open and his face peeking through the darkness. Why is this breaking my heart so much? I tried to keep him away…despite the fact that I volunteered for this job. What was wrong with me at that moment in time? If I thought about it over all the beers in the world, at this time I really don't think I could find the answer to that question. What possessed me was done and he is now my responsibility. So why am I not acting responsible?

I stare at the yellow can before me, my last one, or so I tell myself. I think it's because of you, my friend. You feel the need to protect me again, don't you? To make sure that I'm not hurt again. I can respect your decision to do that. You were always kind to me. But I think…I think that tonight I may just have to forsake you for one night. At least until he comes, just until I know he is all right.

Ironically, that decision seemed to be a sign, as my phone immediately rang once my decision had been made.

"I see. Thank you."

So, they found him and have him in custody now? That's good I suppose. At least nothing happened to him, I'm glad of that at least. I think I'll go to bed now and perhaps see him tomorrow. Though I think I'm too tired to make it to my bed.

Sleep, however, wouldn't come to me as I lay my head down on the table. I couldn't for the life of me get rid of the image of him in my head, standing before my doorway saying that he was home. Sleep never came to me that evening, as the last can of beer sat warming in front of my hands. For the first time that I could remember I never opened a can that I had purposefully gotten out.

Yes, I respect beer. So then why…why doesn't it respect me?

End

Author's EndNotes: My first EVA fic. I wanted it to be short and sweet (well at least for me anyway, as I have plenty on my palette right now without having to worry about another major multi-parter.) What I really wanted to convey in this small first person scene – my first ever, by the way, in the first person perspective – was Misato's growing affections for Shinji. I tried to convey as well, the randomness that the mind works when under the influence of alcohol so I hope you don't mind if it's a bit disjointed, it was all planned as a part of the mood. That's my excuse anyway and I'm sticking to it! Oh BTW, before I go yet again. I do have several other plans for EVA fics so I need one or two people to maybe volunteer for pre-reading. If you are interested, please e-mail me using the provided address with my bio. Serious inquiries only please, I enjoy writing and I wish to improve. I can't do that if my pre-reader never gets back to me.