Andrew Landon looked at himself in the mirror, feeling ridiculous. "Are you sure this will get your friend Daria to register as a Republican, Jodie?"
Jodie, standing next to her father, nodded. "Oh yeah, Dad, she's super into this shit. The things her friend Jane told me..." Jodie shuddered. "But considering how we did in the last election, we need all the people we can get now, even if it's freaks like Daria."
"Very well..." Andrew said, still not entirely convinced. At least his hair would grow back.
XXXX
Daria knocked on the door of the Landon residence. Jodie had invited her over for a 'study session', but Daria knew it'd just be a repeat of the attempt Jodie had made at school to get her to register Republican. Daria had made it clear that she would never do so, and figured she'd probably be storming back out of the house again in five minutes, but she figured Jodie deserved a chance to speak her piece, given their semi-friendship.
"Daria!" Jodie said, smiling as she opened the door. "Come on in!"
Daria set foot into the Landon home and opened her mouth to snark about...holy shit, it was HIM.
"Hey Daria," Andrew said in a gruff voice. "Do you want to join the 'T' party?"
Daria opened her mouth to object, but the possibilities suddenly unrolled before her. She licked her lips. "Well, Mr. T, that depends," she purred, slinking her way up to Mr. Landon (who now looked profoundly uncomfortable). "Are you prepared to...dial down my center?" She whispered the last directly into his ear.
"Uh...I...uh..." Andrew looked to Jodie hoping she'd do something, but his daughter just slowly nodded. Oh Jesus. "Y-y-yes, Daria, I w-will dial down your...oh fuck...your center."
"Good." Daria grabbed him by the gold chains and pulled him behind her up the stairs and into the Landon master bedroom.
Jodie walked to the foot of the stairs, wondering if Daria was really going to -
"PUT IT INTO YOUR MOUTH!" Daria's voice erupted from upstairs.
"NO!" Andrew shouted back.
"PUT THE DAMN ACTION FIGURE INTO YOUR MOUTH!"
"BUT YOU JUST PULLED IT OUT OF - NNNNNGHHHHHHH!" His voice became muffled, as if suddenly blocked by an action figure.
Jodie plugged her ears as she ran out of the house, repeatedly chanting "All for Boehner, all for Boehner, all for Boehner..."
Several hours later, she finally heard the door open again behind her, and Daria walked out, an incredibly satisfied smile on her face. "Well?" Jodie asked.
"I'm still not joining the Republican Party, Jodie," Daria admitted.
"WHAT? WHY? After what my father did -"
"What your father did," Daria interrupted. "Was say 'I pity the fool'. It's pronounced 'I pity the foo'." She walked the rest of the way down the sidewalk, passing Jodie with a gobsmacked look, before stopping and turning to face her right at the road. "At least Mack can say it properly." She booked.
Jodie immediately took chase. "MORGENDORFFER! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"
XXXXXXXXXX
I considered naming this 'The Tea Party', but come on, that would have given it away right in the title.