One after another, after another. Soon enough your whole thigh is bathed in crimson red. But you deserve it. Because you are terrible. You couldn't protect them. And now they're gone. Sam and Dean are gone.

Dean was knocked out and Castiel was nowhere to be found. It was just you and Sam and you messed up. You were too slow and it got him. Then as you lay paralyzed in pain on the ground, it got Dean too. But that's all that you remember. You deserve to be dead too. If you hadn't had been there they would still be alive. Both of them.

That's why you keep slicing the flesh all over your body. Because you're too much of a coward to kill yourself. Maybe you'll just die from blood loss. Hopefully you do. You deserve it. That's why you've been cutting, and not eating. To put yourself through the pain you deserve.

But then you see it, the blue tie hanging on the chair. He doesn't deserve it. He's already lost two, does he really need three dead. Castiel is why you're still breathing. Because he doesn't deserve to also be hurt because of you're mess up.

You don't notice the sound because you've broken down crying, sobbing even louder. Before you know it you are sitting in the tub full of warm water, a towel draped over your shoulders.

Through your red bleary eyes you see Castiel sitting next to you. And you hear his songs, his singing that promises of happy times that will come eventually. You just have to get through it. The crying starts again and you feel warmth, maybe even slight joy, you feel his grace. It dries your tears, comforts you, and you fall asleep, knowing you are protected by your angel.

You awaken and he's talking to you. You lost a lot of blood, but as usual he came in time to save you. Castiel is sad too though. So you comfort him, and he comforts you. Like a family. You know it's hard but maybe, just maybe you can make it through this together.

I know life can get hard sometimes but remember, Always keep fighting. You are strong and you do deserve a good life. I believe in you. I believe that you can and will make it through whatever you are going through. Even at your worst moments, you are not alone. You will always have your invisible angel looking over your shoulder. I love you all and if you need to talk, i'm here for you. -J