When All Seems Lost
by Damien J. Frost

Disclaimer: Hannah Montana, and all items associated with, are property of Michael Poryes, Richard Correll, Barry O'Brien, It's a Laugh Productions, Disney, et al. There is no profit being gained from the content of this story and it is to be used solely for private entertainment purposes. The plot is the intellectual property of the writer. No parts of this story are to be duplicated or posted elsewhere without the expressed permission of the author.

This story is rated "T" or "PG-13" by the guidelines of the fansite on which it is posted.

"Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

I blink sleepily as wakefulness slowly reaches me.

"Huh?"

And, obviously, intelligence is a strength of mine when I'm waking up.

"It's kind of cute. Most of the time it doesn't make sense, and you tend to ramble, but it's still cute."

With an undignified snort, I turn away from her and burrow deeper into the covers, trying to fall back asleep. Then I remember what I was dreaming about last night and my eyes shoot open. Oh crap.

"Of course, when I got woken up last night by you screaming 'Yes, yes, oh God, please don't stop,' I couldn't help but laugh."

I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping I can will myself back to sleep so I don't have to hear the rest of this.

"I mean, Miley Stewart, having a sex dream. Tsk tsk tsk. And with her best friend in the room. What would everyone think?"

Now, I'm trying not to laugh, because Lilly decides to punctuate each word with a poke in my ribs.

"So, who was showing you such a…"

She pauses and I know what's coming, but I can't do anything because I'm pretending to be asleep.

"Good."

Poke.

"Time?"

Tickle.

I shriek in laughter as she climbs on top of me and relentlessly attacks my ribs. I quickly lose any strength I had to push her off and resort to begging and bribing her to stop.

"Just tell me who it was."

I shake my head vigorously, denying her, and she moves to my most ticklish spot. She grabs my knee in a lock that would make a professional wrestler proud and goes to town on the back of my knee. I try kicking her with my other leg, but she just positions herself so that she's lying on top of it, pinning it to the bed.

"You know you're going to tell me."

Her voice is all sing-songy and I almost give in, but I get a sudden burst of strength and tackle her from behind, catching her by surprise and sending both of us tumbling to the floor in a heap of giggling girl parts.

I manage to come out on top, both literally and figuratively, and I straddle her hips and pin her arms to the ground. She's still laughing as I quickly become aware of our position. Instead of climbing off, which I know I should, I lean forward, until I'm close enough to see the flecks of grey in her dark blue eyes.

Her laughter slows as she realizes what I'm doing, and her eyes widen. I can't tell if it's surprise or panic, but I know I can't let this pass by.

But I force myself to sit up and climb off her. Because no matter how beautiful she is, I'd rather have Lilly as my friend than nothing at all.

She lies on the floor, stunned as I gather my clothes for the day. As I'm pulling a shirt from my closet, Lilly's voice startles me. She's standing right behind me.

"Miley, who was your dream about?"

And suddenly, I can't stand it anymore. I'm bursting, and I have to tell her. But she beats me to it.

"It was me, wasn't it?"

I nod, refusing to face her. I wait for her to say more, but instead, I hear her footsteps as she walks away. I hear the door open and close, and then I'm alone.

--

More than a month passes before Lilly so much as looks at me again.

Oliver doesn't understand what happened between us. I won't tell him, and I'm guessing Lilly hasn't either.

He tries to be a good friend to both of us, but he's known her longer than he can remember, and they naturally gravitate to each other. So now, I spend most of my time alone.

I'm at lunch when Oliver plops his tray down across from me and stares accusingly at me.

"What?"

I really don't know why he looks like I ran over his dog, and he seems even more upset that I have to ask him.

"You're going to fix this. Now."

I shake my head and laugh. So she finally told him.

"Fix what, Oliver?"

He sighs and shakes his head like he can't believe I'd act like I don't know.

"You and Lilly. You're both miserable, and unless one of you tells me what's going on, I'm done talking to either of you."

Wow. She hasn't told him.

"Why do you want to know so badly?"

He rolls his eyes and shoves his tray to the side before leaning over the table.

"Because, one night, you guys are best friends, and the next, she won't even look at you. Something happened, and I want to know what. This isn't for gossip, or because I'm dying of curiosity, Miley. This is because my two best friends are suddenly, at best, complete strangers to each other, and I can't stand it."

I slump in my seat at his words. Talk about feeling like shit. So, I tell him. From the first time I dreamed about kissing her to the dream that night (sans details) and the confrontation afterwards. To say that Oliver is shocked is being kind.

"Y-y-you? Really? Huh?"

I grin and shake my head as the bell rings to signal the end of lunch.

"Yeah, really Ollie. So just drop it, okay?"

He nods, but doesn't move. I think I just lost another friend. Or at least fried his brain.

--

I'm watching TV with my dad, trying to keep my mind off how my life just keeps going wrong. The doorbell rings and I sigh as my dad nudges me. I theatrically climb to my feet and go to open the door.

On the other side is Lilly. And Oliver, of course.

"Lilly has something to say to you."

I just stare at the two of them, confused out of my mind.

"Okay."

Lilly takes a deep breath and chokes. I reach forward to pat her on the back and, seeing this, she leaps away from me, still coughing.

I can't remember ever being more hurt. Except the day I realized my mom wasn't coming back. That definitely hurt worse. But that wasn't intentional. This was.

"I don't think I want to hear what she has to say, but thanks Ollie. Lilly."

I nod at them in turn and shut the door.

Just before it closes, I hear her whisper.

"Why?"

I pause for a second, debating, before closing the door the last inch and returning to the couch.

"Who was that, bud?"

I shrug and settle in next to him, ignoring the searing pain in my heart as we watch The Volunteers play Auburn.

"No one, daddy."

--

I think I'm finally getting over it. I've made a couple new friends, started going out and doing normal stuff again, and I'm getting ready for my summer tour on top of it all.

It's been three months since I last spoke to Lilly. I only talk to Oliver in passing these days.

But I think I'm finally going to be happy again.

I'm lying on my bed, reading an issue of Tiger Beat that claimed to have the "inside scoop" on my – well, Hannah Montana's – love life.

Maybe Hannah should get a girlfriend. That'd show them how much of the "inside scoop" they really had. The thought makes me giggle and I throw the magazine to the ground as the door opens.

"Hey, bud, there's someone here who wants to talk to you."

By the tone of his voice, I can tell he's not happy about the prospect, but I get up and follow him downstairs. Standing in the living room is Lilly. I stop halfway down the stairs.

"Get out."

She looks stunned at my command.

"Get out of my house."

She shakes her head, trying to deny me.

"No, Miley, I –"

My dad stands in front of her.

"She asked you to leave, Lilly. I suggest you do that."

Tears pour down her cheeks as she looks into the implacable face of my father and my own furious one. He used to love her like a second daughter. It's amazing what hurting his true flesh and blood will do.

"Miley, I'm sorry! I didn't-"

That was the final straw. She had plenty of time to be sorry. This was way past when.

"You're sorry? Really? Oh, then I suppose I should just forget the fact you walked away when I needed you!"

She steps around my dad, who looks back at me in astonishment. I never told him what happened – I was too afraid of what he'd think of me – but I didn't care about that right now.

"I was afraid! I didn't know what to think!"

We're inches away from each other now, yelling at the top of our lungs. I think I hear Jackson come out of his room to see what's going on, but I still don't care. My entire world is focused on her, right here, right now.

"I needed you to be there for me! You could have talked to me, and we could have helped each other, but you just bailed! And there was nothing left for me! I'm finally moving on, and now you want to make it better? Well, I'm sorry, but no. It's not okay. It never will be. How can I trust you to be there for me when you weren't?"

I take a deep breath, intending to continue ranting. Instead she screams at me and everything stops.

"Because I love you!"

When I don't respond, she picks up the thread and runs with it.

"I didn't know it then. I was scared to death because all I wanted to do right then, at that moment, was kiss you senseless. And that scared me to my soul. I couldn't be that way. I couldn't be in love with my best friend. So I denied it. I denied it with everything I had."

I shake my head and step an inch closer.

"So why now? Why does it matter now?"

My voice cracks and I'm surprised to find tears running down my cheeks.

"Because I'm an idiot. It's always mattered, Miles. I just didn't want to believe it. And then, I realized I can't do this without you. Too much of who I am is wrapped up in you. And everything I want to be is wrapped up in you too."

She reaches out to cup my cheek, but I step away, unbelieving. Her hand drops, and hurt flashes in her eyes. Good, let her see how it feels. I know it's petty, but I can't help it.

"It's too late Lilly."

She shakes her head violently and steps toward me.

"No! I refuse to accept that! You have to – We have to! Just give me the chance, Miley, and I'll make it up to you. Just forgive me, please."

I don't know what to do. I really don't. So I run.

--

The sun's coming up, and I haven't slept. I've just been sitting here, on a lifeguard station, staring out over the black ocean. I know what I did was wrong. I should have stayed, talked it out. But I couldn't. It was all too much, too fast, and I panicked.

"You hungry?"

The voice makes me jump and I look around, finally spotting Jackson walking toward me. He looks tired, like he's been up all night.

"Me and dad have been up all night looking for you. Lilly too."

Well, that answers that question.

"Sorry."

He laughs and climbs up next to me.

"I'm sure."

We sit in silence for a while, watching the sky gradually lighten as the sun rises behind us.

"Are you grossed out?"

Jackson looks at me, confused.

"By what?"

I roll my eyes and look at him dubiously.

"I'm gay."

He blinks a couple times and grins.

"Were we not supposed to know?"

Now it's me who's confused.

"Because, really, it was kind of obvious, Miles. You never had a serious boyfriend, and all you ever talked about were girls – well, Lilly mostly. Dad figured it out before me, because he generally listens to you more, but I wasn't that far behind."

I don't know this man. He's not my brother. My brother is not understanding and observant.

"So what did you think was going on between me and Lilly?"

He grins and runs a hand through his hair.

"Honestly? We thought you'd broken up."

I hide my face in my hands. I am absolutely mortified.

"Oh my God. So, you and Dad just talk about my love life?"

He nods and pushes me.

"I called Lilly. She's on her way here."

I figured he had. It's just the kind of thing this new understanding Jackson would do.

Bastard.

He climbs down off the lifeguard station and walks away.

"Call me when you're done, and I'll take you home."

My heart stops when I hear someone else reply.

"Thanks, Jackson."

Then, she's there, standing in front of me, about five feet down, staring up at me.

"Hi."

I can't reply. My throat has gone dry and is sticking together. I don't even know what I'd say if I could speak. This is all wrong. She climbs up next to me and leaves about a foot between us. It feels like nothing. And it feels like a mile.

"I don't know what else I can say, Miley."

I don't look at her. I just shrug. I still can't talk. I still don't have anything to say.

"That day, when Oliver brought me over, I was going to tell you that I was sorry, and that I was okay with you being… With you liking me. When you reached out to touch me, I panicked, and I knew I wasn't okay. Because I wasn't okay with myself."

I nod to indicate that I heard her, but I don't offer anything else.

"Damn it, Miley, say something! I'll do anything – anything to prove that I'm not making this up. That what I'm saying, what I'm feeling is real."

I turn and look her in the eyes, one thought clear in the jumble of my mind.

"Kiss me."

She's stunned.

"If you love me, kiss me. Otherw –"

I don't finish my thought, because she's thrown herself on me and is kissing me furiously, like she's drowning and I'm her air. I know the feeling, because that's how I'm feeling about her.

We don't break apart for several minutes, but when we do, we're both crying.

"I've missed you."

I'm not sure if it's her or me or both, but I know we both feel it in our souls. We were meant for each other. Made for each other.

"I love you."

We both say it at the same time. Both of us mean it, I know. This is what love should be. This incredible feeling that finds you just when all seems lost.