Why is everything so messed up? Isn't love supposed to be perfect? Then why? Why do you look at me without seeing how I feel? Am I so good at hiding it or are you just ignoring me?
I told myself thousand times that I should forget you so if love let me go run away before I know … it's agony to see you laughing with others ,to see you hugging other girls … why are you never this way around me ?? Am I that far away from you? these thoughts are killing me ,this pain is just so real there is just too much that time can not erase …but I am fed up with fooling myself I know I'll never be with you , I am not the kind of girl you'd date I am not one of these easy girls who'd easily give it up to you . I still have some dignity and I will do my best to keep it because no need to waste it since I won't have you. I am just a pawn in your chess game just another victim of your charm, nothing more than a girl in a see of them just a plain normal girl to you.
You think I am exaggerating but no I am not, damn I've tried for 3 long years to kick you out of my mind out of my heart …
I know I shouldn't love you I know I should listen to my friends, that I should at least have considered one of the boys I've turned down but I don't want to . I am hanging to this tinny little hope that maybe just maybe you'd change your mind , stop being a player , that you'd open your eyes and see through my lies , through this camouflage , these walls I made up to protect what is left of my broken heart . You'd tell me its stupid pointless but still I will hold on to it.
But now you come and tell me you're in love … what am I supposed to do? Be happy for you? Feel sorry for myself or just act like nothing happened??Why did you have to confide in me? As if my pain wasn't enough, as if I have a say in it …
And of course you were selfish enough not to tell me who is was. So what you thought I wouldn't care? Sorry to tell you that I do, I fucking do.
What did I ever do to deserve this? What have I done so you get to punish me this way? Show at least a slight of mercy, consider my feelings.
Damn it can't you stop being so oblivious? I thought you were smart but I was wrong. I was fooling myself yet once again. Yes it appears I am the idiot one. I believed that I got to be your friend you'll finally see me, disclose my huge secret but no I was wrong once again.
I have to change this situation. I have to save what is left of my dignity, burry this love deep down in my heart.
You want a friend then so be it, I will be your classmate, your friend, your confident.