Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh!
Just a weird little oneshot that pretty much fell into my head. Rated T for very slight langauge, and complete silliness.
Enjoy!
"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm late. Sheesh, that stupid video store, it-"
Tanizaki Yukari was by no means a conventional teacher, but this was just completely ridiculous, even for Takino Tomo's standards.
Tomo was sitting slumped in her desk, staring at Yukari with a dutiful expression. At least, from what Yukari could make out, since the hyperactive girl had decided to come to school that day wearing a dinosaur costume. It was made of a shiny lime green fabric, complete with lizard-claws, a tail and a hood that flopped open to look like a mouth with grinning zip teeth.
"...Tomo, what the hell?" Yukari said, bluntly, staring at her student.
"It's part of my religion!" Tomo replied, folding her sparkly green arms. "It's Lizard Day!"
"...Oh." Yukari supplied.
There was a pause.
"I'll be right back!" shouted Yukari, making everyone except Tomo jump. With that, she promptly bolted out of the door.
"Why the hell did you tell her it was your religion?" Yomi grumbled at Tomo, who had previously been ignoring her friend's weird outfit. "That's a really stupid thing to lie about, even for you."
"Shut up!" Tomo replied, kicking the chair in front of her. "Who says I can't wear what I want to school?"
"...The school does."
"Oh," Tomo went, eloquently. Then, she tipped her head back. "Well, I thought it was Lizard Day!"
"Why the hell would you think it's Lizard Day? That's not even a real holiday." Yomi grumbled into her sleeve, contemplating joining Yukari and running right out of the room. Stupidity could be contagious.
"It is!" yelped Tomo, sounding exasperated, "They have Rabbit Day, don't they?"
"How many times do I have to tell you that it's called Easter?"
"Why do they have rabbits in it if it isn't Rabbit Day?" mused Tomo, "What do rabbits have to do with eggs?"
"Tomo, just take off the costume." Yomi grumbled, poking Tomo with her pen, which she probably couldn't feel.
"I'm not wearing anything underneath!" Tomo shrieked. Everybody in the entire class, possible everyone in the entire school or the entire WORLD, turned to look at Tomo and Yomi at that moment, raised eyebrows galore.
"Tomo!" hissed Yomi, very tempted to hide under her notebook.
"It's okay. I'm not naked," Tomo said, complacently, "I just meant I'm not wearing my uniform. Who needs a uniform when you can be a dragon?"
"Oh, because that just makes it so much better."
Osaka was staring up at the sky as she padded along the quiet pavement. The cherry blossoms were in bloom, sending swirling pink debris floating lazily down to the ground. She was extremely late for school, because she had left her alarm clock in the freezer again.
"Oh, there's Yukari-sensei..." Osaka mused to herself, watching her teacher approaching alarmingly fast. "...I wonder if she left the iron on again? Or maybe she dropped her toaster in the bath..."
Yukari, as it turned out, was in such a rush to go wherever she was going, she didn't even notice Osaka, aside from screaming, "GET OUT OF MY WAY, PEDESTRAIN!" in a heavy English accent, so Osaka had no idea what she said.
Osaka, however, was just musing about various household utensils in peril, when she noticed a little grey fluffball following her.
"Ahh, kitty." Osaka said, smiling to herself as she knelt down by Kamineko. She had just stretched out a hand to pet Kamineko, when another very odd thought occurred to her, so she withdrew her hand in though, and Kamineko ended up chomping down very hard on his own teeth.
"If cats eat grass to make 'em sick, I wonder what cows eat to throw up?" pondered Osaka, her index finger resting by the side of her mouth as she started staring intently at the fence beside Kamineko, who was now quivering with either pain or shock at his trap backfiring.
"'Cause I remember cows have four stomachs, but does that mean their puke's gotta go through four stomachs to get out? That's a lot of stomachs to get through. An' if cows make milk, does that mean cats like cows?"
Osaka frowned, perplexed, as she pondered these rather weird questions. Then she looked down to see Kamineko had vanished, probably to nurse his sore teeth. Then Osaka returned her gaze to the fence again.
"Maybe he's late for somethin' too..."
"What are you talking about? T-Rex are totally the best dinosaurs, after dragons. They're like the KINGS." explained Tomo, shaking her head and making the lizard-hood flap about.
"But they couldn't even swim! Those ones with spikes were so much better." argued Kagura, doodling a quick sketch of a stegosaurus in her notebook. "If you fell on one, you'd be completely screwed."
To punctuate her point, Kagura drew a stick figure being impaled on the back of a dinosaur. Yomi found herself very grateful just then that Kagura couldn't draw.
"Yeah, but T-Rex still ate them sometimes! They have massive heads!" replied Tomo, peering at the picture.
Yomi groaned and thumped her forehead on the table. For once, she actually wished that Yukari-sensei was here.
"Yomi would be one of those wimpy flying dinosaurs." Tomo said, apparently under the impression Yomi was feeling left out. She poked Yomi's head, which wasn't very effective because her plush claws were in the way.
"Tomo, just shut up." Yomi snapped, the urge to jump out of the window looking dangerously tempting.
"Whatever." sniffed Tomo, slumping in her chair again. "If I was a dinosaur, I would totally OWN you."
"...What?"
"Is Yukari-sensei going to come back?" Kagura asked, flipping her pen from one hand to the other. "I wonder what she went out to buy?"
There was a small pause, then the door slid quietly open and Osaka came wondering in, a stray cherry blossom stuck in her hair.
"Osaka! Where've you been?" called Tomo, waving a plush arm, "You almost missed Lizard Day!"
"Oh, is that what it is today?" Osaka asked, unperturbed by Tomo's bright green costume, as though it was completely normal to have your friend just dress up as random animals for no apparent reason. "I just saw Yukari-sensei."
"Really? Doing what?" Kagura inquired, staring at her fellow knucklehead.
"She was tryin' to find a costume." Osaka answered, looking thoughtful. "I wonder why nobody else knew it was Lizard Day?"
Yomi facepalmed and Kagura burst out laughing. Tomo, not missing a beat, flipped up her hood.
"Hey, Osaka! If you were a dinosaur, what would you be?"
Annnd...review?