AN: Written for Avan Jogia's 20th birthday. Happy 20th birthday Avan! I hope you have a fantastic birthday with your family and friends! I'll love and support you always. Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious.
"Oh I'm Beck, I know about acting, I say words."
Hearing her say that, mocking me, was like a knife to my gut. I'd spent practically the whole game sneaking glances at my beautiful girlfriend-no, ex girlfriend. Ex, as in over, as in done, as in no more. Fuck I miss her...but there's no way I'm going to show that. People expect me to be calm, cool, collected. Unemotional, she'd always said. Sometimes, in private, when it was just us, we'd play this game in which she'd give a situation and ask how I'd feel inside. One time, the situation was us broken up, for good. When she asked how I'd feel, I'd responded "Dying inside."
But I was wrong. So very, very wrong. This is much worse. This is as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest and was being dangled in front of me, just out of reach. Seeing her sitting there, hell, seeing her every day and knowing she isn't mine anymore is pure torture. It is so hard, to keep up this facade of not caring.
When she came over to Tori's house after I helped her rehearse for the part, I saw her walls come down, if only for a second, when she said "That's three nights in a row." Her voice was slightly softer, like it is-no, was-when we were alone together, and the expression on her face was so vulnerable, as if she didn't expect me to move on this fast. If only she could read my mind, then she'd know that I didn't move on, that I still, and probably will always, love her with every piece of my heart.
AN: It's probably not very good, and if you have any suggestions as to how this could've been better leave a review. I'm not changing it though.