"Hello, Remus. Is it okay if I call you Remus?"
"It's fine", Remus muttered without taking his eyes of his lap.
He was dreading this already.
"Do you know what I'm here to do?" the man asked next.
Remus bit his lip lightly, still staring at his lap.
"You're here to do our physicals. The sixth year boys', that is."
"Yes, that's true, but I'm also here for you in particular", the man, Daniel, said.
"Huh?" Remus finally raised his eyes to the man's face.
He was a bit startled by the bright blue eyes and full, smiling mouth. The man was young and good looking. Tall and well built as well, everything Remus wasn't. This was going to be even more uncomfortable than he had thought.
"Yes", Daniel said, his smile widening – Remus' heart skipped a beat. "Dumbledore has arranged for me to help you with your condition. I'm afraid I can't be of help during the full moons, but I understand you have to get quite a lot of charms to hide your scars after the transformations."
When Remus didn't comment, just stared at his lap, Daniel cleared his throat and continued.
"So I'm here from the Department of Experimental Potions with something to help with that. Also, we'll do some exercises to help with your aches. That is, if your interested."
Remus sneaked another peak at the man. He looked so hopeful.
"Okay", he finally managed.
"Great!" Daniel almost squeeled, and then chuckled and continued in a lower voice. "I mean, good. So, shall we begin then? I really have to do the physical too though, so we might as well get it over with."
Remus blushed and nodded, and started to unbutton his shirt as instructed.
RLRLRL
Fortyfive uncomfortable minutes later Remus headed back to the dormitories. He felt humiliated by all the podding and probing, but also kind of hot and bothered since the physical had included a lot of big, warm hands all over his body, checking muscles and joints and mobility.
He was thinking of taking care of himself since he knew James and Sirius had Quidditch practice and Peter always tagged along. When he reached their dormitory he started to unbutton his shirt again and headed for his bed. Before he could open his curtains someone threw them open, almost giving him a heart attack.
"I was waiting for you. How come you took so long?" Sirius barked at him.
Remus sat down and tried to still his heart.
"I had my physical. What are you doing here? You have practice."
"Not anymore. Quit. And really, all this time at physicals? It took like twenty for me", Sirius said.
He stretched himself on the mattress, patting the empty spot next to him. Remus lay down and Sirius put his arm around him.
"Why'd you quit? I know you love Quidditch", he muttered and tried to be discreet when he snuggled closer to Sirius.
The other boy sighed and drew him against his side, clearly seeing through his move.
"I'm not gay, you know."
"I know", Remus said, his throat tightening.
Sirius either didn't notice or chose to ignore this, instead starting to stroke his arm lightly.
"Okay, I didn't exactly quit. Got thrown out for punching Aidan Brown. He called me a pansy", Sirius laughed a bit uncomfortably.
Remus sighed but didn't say anything.
"Anyway, I was hoping you could help me with something", the animagus muttered in a low voice and tugged Remus' head lower to give an obvious hint.
Remus sighed again and started climbing down Sirius body. The black-haired boy made a satisfied noice.
"You're not wearing any underwear" Remus huffed a little.
"I told you, I was waiting for you." Sirius' chuckle turned into a moan as Remus set his mouth to work.
When Sirius had come, Remus snuggled back against his side, the werewolf's own needs ignored or forgotten. Even Sirius didn't have the heart to immediately shove him off and change beds, so when James and Peter returned from the practice they were faced with a sleeping Remus and Sirius who narrowed his eyes and nearly jumped off the bed. Remus blushed and drew his curtains, but he heard Sirius and James' curt discussion.
"I'm not gay, you know", Sirius said nonchalantly.
"I know", the werewolf heard James sigh.
RLRLRL
It was their third meeting, and the first immediately after a full moon. Remus was feeling weak and not at all happy about the impending trial of the potion Daniel had prepared for him.
"So what kind of potion is this exactly? Do I have to stay here for long?" Remus asked in the small office Daniel had been issued. The older wizard busied himself with bottling the brew he had just finished, clearly nervous himself. Remus sat on the gurney that had been wheeled into the office.
"Not very long, I'd say for the rest of this evening. You'll be able to return to your dorm to sleep", Daniel said.
He peered at the bottle he had just corked, charmed it cooler and started shaking it vigorously. Remus felt nauseated at the sight of the greyish, thick potion. Just the idea of swallowing it made him queasy.
"And it's not exactly a potion, it's more of a ...lotion", Daniel said, turning to him, still clutching the bottle, still clearly nervous.
Remus stared at him, dumbfounded.
"So I put it on my skin?" he asked.
Daniel seemed more uncomfortable than ever.
"Actually... it's activated by the way it's put on and an incantation. So... I have to do it. Is, is that okay? I understand if it isn't, really, I should've said something earlier, I just -"
Remus thought Daniel panicking might've been the cutest thing ever. He bit his cheek not to smile.
"It's okay", he finally managed to say in between Daniel's ramblings.
The man visibly slumped in relief. Then he smiled a bit and blushed.
Still the cutest.
"Okay then, you should, em, take off your clothes."
The werewolf started to unbutton his shirt.
"How much?" he asked.
Daniel's blush deepened and he bit his lip for a while.
"All of it. I, I'll give you a towel to cover, you know, and I'll look away but -"
"It's okay", Remus said to his own amazement.
Daniel handed him a towel and discreetly turned away when the time to remove his trousers and pants came. Then he lay down on the gurney and told the young man he was ready.
"Okay, let's just, well, let's begin", Daniel said and turned from the corner he had been facing.
He came to stand next to Remus and uncorked the bottle.
"I'm sorry, but this has to be a bit cold to begin with, it warms up quickly when I, I rub it on your skin. I'll begin with your chest."
The older wizard poured some of the grayish liquid on Remus who immediately felt his skin prickle at the cold contanct. Right after that he gasped at a different sensation as Daniel put is warm, large hands on his chest and started rubbing in small circles, muttering an incantation at the same time.
The man had magic hands, Remus thought hazily as Daniel worked his way up his neck and rubbed his fingertips across his face. Heat stayed where he had touched and Remus wasn't sure if it was the lotion or just the fact that an attractive man was touching his naked body. Nevertheless, he was praying to gods that the terrycloth towel thrown across his pelvis was thick enough to conceal his growing erection. When the time came to flip over he thanked Heavens, until he realized that loosing his underwear meant Daniel was probably going to -
"I'm going to have to move the towel now", Daniel said. Remus swallowed but didn't even get the chance to say anything before the hands were spreading warmth across his lower back and slowly moving to his buttocks.
The werewolf bit back a moan and the urge to push his groin against the hospital sheets he was laying on. Finally, after what felt like ages, the older man moved down his thighs and eventually to his legs and feet. When he was told it was time to quit Remus gave a small sigh of relief and mentally prepared to hop off the bed.
He pulled his pants and trousers up with Daniel still facing the corner, and he was glad for that since he was still having a bit of a problem below the belt. He thanked for the session and hurried from the office to the nearest bathroom to relieve himself.
RLRLRL
The next few times at Daniel's small office went much the same – they chatted a bit, he undressed and got on the gurney and tried not to moan too much when being touched. Afterwards he would find a private spot and take care of the problem that always rose after these sessions.
This happened until the fifth or sixth session. He arrived at the office as agreed, but wasn't greeted by a happy face and a bubbling cauldron. In stead, Daniel was sitting at an empty table and looked at him sadly when he arrived.
"What's going on?" Remus asked immediately.
Daniel sighed sadly.
"I'm leaving. The funding... has run out. I tried to convince them it was a working formula, but apparently the wellness of werewolves isn't such a pressing matter", he said, staring at his lap.
Remus just stood there, dumbfounded.
"Bu- but, you could use this on other people too, people like Aurors or people who, who work with dragons or something!" he finally yelled.
Daniel looked up at him with dread in his blue eyes.
"And I can be living proof!" Remus continued and walked to the full length mirror in one corner.
He started angrily unbuttoning his shirt, ripping a few buttons out. Daniel walked up behind him, so that his chest pressed against Remus' back. He put his hands on Remus' to still them and leaned down to put his chin on the teen's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Remus", he muttered as he ran a long finger along a faded scar. Remus shivered and tilted his head so that their faces were inches apart.
"I'm, I'm not gay" Remus whispered, almost against his lips.
Daniel stared at him for a while.
"I know", he then gave into the lie and pulled away.
Remus stared at his pale, shaken image, shirt half open, lip shaking. He felt disgusted with himself. Without another word he stormed out of the office and headed for the dorms.
RLRLRL
When the evening finally came Remus had cried his eyes out and hadn't eaten in hours. He was waiting for forgiving sleep to claim him when someone sneaked into his bed. To no-ones surpise that someone was Sirius Black, and he was feeling restless.
"Mooony, I need your help..." he cooed from the darkness.
Remus felt like he was mocking him.
"I'm not gay, you know", he spat at him and turned to face the wall.
"Oh come on, you're the one who told me you loved me", Sirius said and tried to turn Remus, but got his hand swatted quite painfully.
"Well guess what, I don't love you anymore. I love girls and boobs and twats and anything but you."
"Fine. Then there's no need to be so pissy about it. Help a brother out", Sirius snapped.
Remus turned to face him. With his superior night vision he could see Sirius was blushing and frowning, a clear sign he'd been hurt. But Remus didn't care.
"Fine, I will. On one condition. You do it for me too", he demanded and saw Sirius flinch.
"No way", he muttered.
"Then I'm not doing it to you either", Remus announced.
Sirius bit his lip.
"Fine, get on your back", he said quietly.
Remus' heart did a flip and he lay down. Sirius ducked under the covers, but Remus pulled them aside.
"What?" Sirius asked.
"I want to see you with my dick in your mouth", Remus told him.
He was feeling dirty and cheap, but he kind of liked it. It felt better than broken and alone.
"Now that is gay", Sirius told him, earning himself a smack.
"You've told me that plenty of times. Now suck it."
After Sirius was finished, and remus had returned the favour, Sirius wrapped his arm around him like they used to do. Instead of feeling happy like he thought he would've, Remus felt empty. Tears stung his eyes but he didn't feel sad, he was smiling coldly but he didn't feel happy. He had gotten what he thought he wanted, but was ready to throw it all away for sparkly blue eyes and large, warm hands, a school boy crush in every way.
The next morning Remus made Sirius tell James and Peter he was gay, if even just a little bit. He also made him walk hand in hand with him to breakfast, causing quite a stirr, which he though Sirius secretly quite enjoyed. They started sleeping in the same bed every night, and it didn't take long for Sirius to be every bit as gay as Remus.
Still, on some nights, Remus lay with Sirius arm around himself, and thought of bright blue eyes.