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How Georgie Shmidt Lost her Mind

I'm the kind of Twilight Saga fan who would never tell anyone that I absolutely adored the books and read them once every year. Sure, I occasionally mention that I had read and liked them. Those little remarks usually went unnoticed though. Most people, though they liked to deny it, had in fact read at least the first book, so it wasn't a surprise when I said I had too. It was out of a sense of self-preservation, in order to keep my pride and status as a girl who read good books, that I didn't go around announcing how much I loved Edward Cullen and vampires and werewolves and the whole deal.

I kept my copies of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn to the side of the second shelf on my bookcase. They blended in with their dark covers among other books and were generally unnoticed. I tried to keep them in good condition, but the front page of my Twilight copy was missing, and the binding of Breaking Dawn had almost completely come undone. New Moon was the least damaged, for obvious reasons.

It was on a cold night, after a tiring and altogether depressing day, that I picked up the familiar Twilight book to read. Holding it carefully with both hands I drooped into the couch and opened the front page (remember, there isn't a cover anymore) and started reading.

" I'd never given much thought to how I would die…" Bella Swan told me.

I hadn't given much thought to how I would die either. I always assumed it would be in a bed while I slept. I always assumed I would be old and alone and that I would be ready for it. I always assumed it would be years and years away. I always assumed I wouldn't have to make the decision myself.

The familiar words lulled me into what can only be described as a hypnotic trance. I know, it sounds strange. It sounds strange because it was strange. There was a part of me that was suddenly very concerned about what was going on, and another part of me that didn't have the foggiest and couldn't bring itself to do anything about it. The latter part of me had control over most of my brain, so I continued to read and be swept up into the words.

The day's troubles slipped from my mind. I was no longer thinking about my failed English test or my mother's job issues. I even forgot about the old woman I met in the park. A part of me, the same part that was very concerned about what was going on, thought that the old lady in the park might have had something to do with the strange trance I had entered. The other part of me had forgotten about it completely.

Bella and Charlie were riding in the car, staring out the windows. I had that sudden feeling you get when you read an amazing description for the first time and you swear for a second you can taste the blueberries or feel the cotton dress. I felt like I could really see them, that they weren't a product of my imagination. It was like they were a dream, I was surprised to see them, but they weren't quite substantial. Then they were at the house and Bella let a few tears fall as she stared out her window and it felt like if I reached out I might feel a wisp of wind where her shoulder was. Then she was tossing and turning in bed and then finally falling asleep and the wind was howling and rain was beating against the window. I could hear every individual rain drop. It wasn't just the impression of rain, it really was rain.

The part of me that was freaking out a little bit was completely gone now; my mind had succumbed to the feeling of weightlessness. I swayed and tumbled down into a deep, dark hole that suddenly appeared. I didn't question the hole's existence, I accepted it and also accepted that I should go inside it. I fell, and for a while it felt like flying. Wind whipped past me, beating against my cheeks and arms and legs. Colors streaked across my vision like a world spinning at incredible speeds around the sun. Or maybe it was just that I was incredibly slow to process the world as it turned. Stars twirled in slow motion. I couldn't concentrate on anything, even if I wanted to. Ideas and thoughts slipped through my head, speeding through like racecars. They left only small impressions that they had been there. I reached after the thoughts languidly. They were already gone before I even extended my hand to catch them.

Then, suddenly, everything stopped.

I knew it stopped because I could catch my thoughts and actually think them.

My first thought was that I was dead. My second thought was that Heaven was supposed to be white, not green. My third thought was that if Hell was red, and the opposite of red was green, then it made perfect sense that Heaven was green and not white. My fourth thought was that I was angry that I was dead. My fifth thought was that at least I wouldn't have to take another English test.

I opened my eyes to stare upwards. I was lying flat on my back, arms and legs stretched out. I was comfortable. That wasn't a surprise, since I was dead now. I figured my soul would always be perpetually comfortable if I went to Heaven. It was nice to find out I had been right about that.

My eyes focused on the image above me and I realized I was staring up at dark green leaves. Peaking through the leaves was a deep grey sky. I looked to my left and saw damp fog surrounding me. Rain misted my face.

I gulped. Was heaven supposed to be a forest? I guess I could understand that. A big, never-ending forest where you met strange spirits that taught you lessons you hadn't learned during life.

I sat up and immediately my head spun with the effort. I turned to the side and retched onto a patch of damp green grass. The smell and taste of bile on the back of my throat made me want to puke more, but I had nothing left inside me. I gagged for a moment then wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

It was then I knew I wasn't dead.

If I was in Heaven I wouldn't feel woozy or sick. I would feel comfortable and peaceful. Everything here was too solid feeling. I didn't feel like a soul, unsubstantial or glowing. I felt like I was still in my body, just like always.

Slowly, I raised myself up. Propping myself up on my hands, I staggered upright. I put a hand to my head and closed my eyes as the dizzy feeling returned. I felt as though I had been spinning for a long time and had stopped suddenly. Carefully, I attempted to open my eyes. The ground rocked up and down like a teeter totter. I closed my eyes again.

Taking several deep breaths, I leaned back against a tree and tried to relax.

I was indeed in a forest, and the silence made a cold puddle of fear settle in my stomach. Fog settled over everything, more like a blurring to images than anything substantial. I couldn't see further than twenty feet. Pale light came from the grey clouds above me suggesting that it was early morning. Rain drops fell from the canopy down onto my shoulder-length blonde hair and made it start frizzing.

Where was I? I wondered. How had I gotten here? Was I drugged? Was I kidnapped?

I had no memory of coming to this place.

I did a mental check of my body and found no bruises or sign of injury. My clothes were still intact. Luckily, I was wearing long jeans and a thick, black long sleeve sweater so the slight chill in the air wasn't an issue. What was an issue was that I had taken my boots off at home and now I was barefoot in a forest I had never seen before with a horrifying lack of substantial memories to back up why I was here.

Well, I did have the one strange memory of reading Twilight and then everything started getting very real seeming and then I fell down a dark hole. My mind wouldn't even consider processing that memory. There was no way I was going to think about what that meant, to think about how even though I had no memory of this forest, I still found it oddly familiar as if seen in a dream once before. Maybe it was one of the National Parks near my home. That was probably it.

I shook my head to wake myself up from thoughts that were ridiculous. I had to get home. I had to find a way out of here.

On a hunch I headed off in a random direction. There wasn't any moss growing on the sides of trees even though it was an extremely green forest and really there should have been moss, but even if there had been I wouldn't have trusted it. My head was spinning in circles so I doubt I would have been able to follow a beacon of light let alone the direction moss was growing.

My hunch, though, turned out to be correct. The trees started to thin out. The undergrowth receded and I found myself on a street in a town.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was going to be okay. I would find a house or a telephone or somebody with a cell and I would call my parents and they would come pick me up. I wondered vaguely how far away from home I was, but decided not to dwell on that too much. I couldn't be too far from Wichita.

My eyes stopped on a house to my right. It was small and unassuming but the sight of it made me pause for a half second.

My breath caught in my throat but I forced down the panic and all the wild thoughts that threatened to take over my mind. I walked briskly forward along the side of the road. I didn't see a cop car or a red truck in the brick driveway and that made me calm down.

Don't be an idiot, I told myself. You fell asleep and sleepwalked to a nearby park where you collapsed for the night. That's it.

After reprimanding myself for being such a dunce, I refocused and continued down the street.

I wandered around for what seemed like a long time until I found a street with shops on either side. On the corner was a gas station. I sighed with relief. After glancing at my bare feet for a moment, I entered. They would have to at least let me use the phone.

The door shut behind me silently. A graying woman sat behind the counter at the back. She was reading a magazine. I made my way through the aisles to stand in front of her.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" I asked as politely as I could. I was surprised at how clear my voice sounded. I thought it would be scratchy and rough from such a strange night's sleep.

"May I help you?" The woman looked up at me over her thin reading glasses. The magazine had pictures of a decorated living room across the glossy page.

"Yes, I was wondering if I could use the telephone."

"Certainly," she said with a smile. The woman hopped off her stool and beckoned for me to come around the counter. I tried not to look at my shoeless, muddy feet, hoping she wouldn't notice. She pointed to a phone and an outdated phone book. I smiled and thanked her then quickly dialed my mom's number.

I pressed the buttons with such calm and coolness that I gave myself a mental pat on the back. Good for me for not freaking out and going into shock or something. Personally, it seemed like I was handling the whole waking up in the woods alone with no memory of how I got there with an incredible amount of poise and clarity.

The phone rang once, then twice.

"I'm sorry, the number you are calling is not available."

I blanched.

What? Not available? I removed the receiver from my ear and looked at it with concern.

Stay cool, I told myself.

I put the phone back on the holder and pulled my hair back out of my face. I ran a few fingers through it to loosen up the tangles and straightened my sweater over my arms and torso.

Once more, I picked up the phone and dialed the number. I was careful to press each button with purpose and think the number in my head clearly. I put the phone to my ear.

It rang once, twice.

"I'm sorry, the number you are calling is not available."

I hung up again and tried my dad's number. He was in Miami, so he probably couldn't come get me, but at least someone would know where I was.

"I'm sorry, the number you are calling is not available."

I tried my sister. She was at Florida State, also far away, but at least it was someone.

"I'm sorry, the number you are calling is not available."

I tried my best friend Sam.

"I'm sorry, the number you are calling is not available."

"I'm sorry miss, are you having trouble?"

The woman was looking at me with concern. Her eyes flitted down to my bare feet.

There was no way I had gotten all those numbers wrong.

"Um…I don't think the phone is working," I said. My hand started shaking and my eyes stung. I could feel my face getting warm and uncomfortable. I really, really did not want to start crying here in front of this lady. "Is there another one?"

"You could go across the street to the souvenir shop. Mr. Marshall has a phone there you could try."

The way she said that made me think she had full confidence in her own phone and that I must have the wrong number or that I must be crazy. I wasn't sure what I agreed with more.

I hurried out of the gas station with my head down. Outside the grey sky greeted me once more and the rain sprinkled onto my head and shoulders lightly. I crossed the empty street to the souvenir shop. The big glass windows were streaked with rain. They provided a view to the trinkets and t-shirts. When I opened the door a little bell rang above my head.

Mr. Marshall was not behind the counter. I stood awkwardly for a moment, peering around the store. I wiped my feet on the little door mat.

I decided that I didn't have the courage at the moment to call into the back to see if anyone was there. Instead, I started to look around at the aisles of merchandise, not paying attention at all. I stopped at a row of boots on the bottom shelf.

My eyes darted around the store. Slowly, I picked up a pair and examined them. Immediately I was struck by the strange white 'W' on each heel. Maybe I was in a town that started with the letter 'W'? I couldn't think of any off the top of my head that were nearby. For a moment I thought about stealing them. It was extremely tempting. I didn't want to walk around the rest of the day without shoes. I felt in my back pocket. Sure enough, I didn't have any money with me. My eyes darted around the store again. I shook my head again. I wasn't going to stoop to thievery after only thirty minutes of being lost.

I put the shoes back squarely on the shelf. What had gotten into me?

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. This wasn't getting me anywhere.

I went to the counter, suddenly feeling determined.

"Excuse me?" I asked in a clear loud voice.

I heard a rustle of papers from behind a doorway and a man entered behind the counter.

"Ah hello!" He said. "Can I help you?"

Mr. Marshall, I assumed that was him, was a dark haired, thin man with little piggy eyes. He seemed nice enough.

"I was wondering if I could use a phone. I tried the phone at the gas station, but it wasn't working."

"Sure thing. Right on the wall there."

This phone was not behind the counter so Mr. Marshall wouldn't have to see my feet, thank goodness. I picked up the receiver and my eyes stopped on the cover of a phonebook.

The yellowed book sat on a little spindly table just below the phone. I blinked and shook my head.

My mouth felt dry as I read the two bleak words on it. I hadn't even glanced at the phonebook in the gas station. That one had been upside down. This one was right side up and the words stared up at me like two bright light bulbs.

Forks, Washington.

Underneath that was the date—2005.

I choked out a laugh.

"Is this a joke?" I asked the man.

He looked at me with concern.

"What?"

"This." I held up the phonebook for him to see.

His eyes narrowed and his lips puckered, trying to see what could possibly be a joke. His expression told me he didn't think anything was funny.

I put the phone back slowly without dialing. A memory was slowly surfacing. At the beginning of Breaking Dawn, Bella is driving the car Edward gave her down the street. She feels uncomfortable because she thinks everyone is staring at her. She looks to the side and sees a Mr. Marshall staring at her car from inside his souvenir shop. She drives ahead to put gas in her car at a gas station.

Of course, I wasn't completely 100% sure that it was a Mr. Marshall she had seen. It could have been a Mr. Daniels or a Mr. Evans or a Mr. Marmaduke. It could have been anything at all. The fact that I wasn't completely sure gave me some hope, but the words "Forks, Washington" on the front of the phonebook made that small amount of hope shrivel and die.

Without speaking, I walked out the door. The bell jingled behind me. I didn't look to see if Mr. Marshall was watching.

I started off down the road. If what I thought was happening, was actually happening, then my subconscious memory would know where to go.

I took turn after turn, ignoring the blisters that were forming on my feet. The rain was picking up from the misty drizzle it had been earlier. I was quickly soaked from head to foot. My jeans hugged my legs uncomfortably and my sweater was hanging off my body in a weird way. My hair turned dark gold, clinging to the sides of my face.

Only a few cars passed by me and I swore every single one of them slowed down a little. I didn't look at them, I completely ignored them. They were looking at me, I could tell, but it was more important right then to get to my destination. I was half running through the rain and I probably looked crazy. Actually, I was 100% sure that I was crazy.

Eventually I stopped because I had reached where I wanted to go. I had walked a long way. It probably would have taken three minutes in a car, but on foot it had felt much longer.

I half glanced at the sign that read "Forks High School". My eyes roved over the school, taking in each detail that fit the descriptions perfectly: long low buildings with doors to classrooms that led right outside. There was a small parking lot filled with old beat up cars. My eyes picked out the large red truck and the shiny Volvo easily.

Then I was sprinting. I was running to the cafeteria. I wasn't exactly sure where it was but so far my subconscious had been able to direct me pretty well.

I was running furiously across the concrete parking lot. My feet slapped against the pavement. That's when I slipped on the wet pavement. I fell to my knees, bracing myself with my palms. I felt the blood start to ooze out of the scraps. My feet were already bleeding from the blisters that had popped open. I wondered faintly if Jasper would be able to control himself when I burst into lunch, bleeding all over the place. The idea that Jasper was going to be in the cafeteria was so ridiculous a bubble of laughter burst out of my throat.

I started giggling uncontrollably. I was still giggling as I ran onto the grass passed the parking lot and then under the eaves of the buildings. I was smiling like a maniac the whole way.

I stopped outside the door of what I was sure was the cafeteria. I took a moment to catch my breath and think about what I was doing. If I went in there, I might ruin the entire book. What if this was some Back to the Future shit and I would be erased if the ending didn't turn out like it was supposed to? What if Bella died because I interfered? What if anyone died?

I thought about it for a moment, then realized that these were fictional characters I was dealing with, and if not, then I didn't have anything to worry about because I wouldn't be in a fictional book. I nodded to myself. I made sense. Steeling myself, I pulled open the door and entered.

At first, no one saw me. I took a few cautious steps inside. There were people sitting down and some getting food through the lunch line. My eyes were drawn immediately to the table in the corner where my subconscious knew they would be, but where the rest of my body was begging them not to be.

My heart thudded, stopped, started again, stopped, and started again. I blinked several times.

There they were. All five of them. They sat just as Stephanie Meyer had described.

Emmett: muscular with curly hair. Rosalie: blond and striking. Jasper: dangerous and hungry looking. Alice: her black hair spiking in all directions her body that of a ballerina. Edward: tousled bronze hair and a bored expression on his face. They were pale beyond the norm, dark circles under their black, blank eyes. They were breathtakingly beautiful, each one a peak human specimen.

I stared at them for eternity before remembering my other mission.

I wrenched my eyes away from the five people I had never seen before and yet had imagined for so many years, and forced myself to look at the other tables. My eyes instantly landed on one table filled with people talking and laughing. I recognized the blond spiky hair of one boy, the dark, curly hair of a girl with her eyes on him, and the white blond hair of another girl. Of course, I also recognized the deep brown hair of a shy girl sitting in the center of the row. She was obviously uncomfortable, but she wore the awkwardness well. Her eyes flickered around warily and she tried to smile as the others talked to her. She was also beautiful, not like the glaring beauty of the five people (I couldn't bring myself to think the word that would have fit here better), but for a human being, she was extraordinarily lovely. Her ivory skin glowed faintly; she had beautiful dark eyes and a hint of natural brown-red in her eyelids.

She looked over at the table in the corner and I watched her eyebrows come together as she studied the five people just like I had a moment before. She whispered something to the girl next to her and Jessica giggled.

I looked over at the other table and saw Edward's eyes on them. Then he looked away.

It was all so real. It was really happening. Everything. Detail for detail. It was all as I had read. Everything was exactly the same.

And then I fainted.