A/N I hope you don't hate me too much for this chapter, 'cause I really ship bechloe. Please review, and feel free to request anything!
I don't have the energy to get up in the morning, to look at myself in the bathroom mirror, to pick out that days outfit.
My days are filled with sitting in silence with a blank mind, because I don't even have the energy to think.
I know I'm not okay, but I'm too exhausted from doing
nothing.
It's been days. Months. Years even. And I still feel like I can't breath.
I am alone. Everyone I ever loved has gone. They think I need space. They think I need time.
I think I need her.
Sometimes people say that time is just a trick, that we, in fact, either don't have any, or its too hard to measure. And sitting here, not moving, it feels like years. Yet being with you felt like no time at all.
Sometimes there are memories. Moments in the day where I think about how your hair frames your face just right; I think of how your lips are full, and always curved into a smile. How your skin colour complements every single aspect of your body, every single feature. And I realise how much I miss seeing your blue eyes, sparkling in the light like uncut diamonds. Or your smile.
The one thing that can actually make me feel like everything will be okay. But we all know it's not.
Because it's been years, and I haven't spoken to you once. It's not that I can't, it's just... I know that you are with him. That man who stole your heart, after you stole mine.
I was never meant to fall in love.
Some people say it's like a miracle: you can suddenly see the world clearly again. Some say that it's like finding your breath after drowning for so long.
So I guess that's how I can describe this.
I'm drowning.
It's like waves are forcefully pushing me deeper. I can't scream, because I know if I do, the water will rush to my lungs, making them burn.
That's a metaphor, isn't it?
Maybe for depression. The waves are the people trying to help. Screaming is me saying I'm not okay. The burning? I haven't quite figured that out yet, but I know for sure that if you were here, by my side, I would never have to.