Re: Horizon (and Loose Ends)

Kaidan,

Business first: Embedded in this message is a report of everything my crew and I have discovered about the Collectors, including proof beyond any doubt that they are working for the Reapers. Use your old Normandy encryption key to unlock it (Cerberus is tracking everything I do). I need to you to forward it to Anderson and to Hackett. I'd have done it myself, but I only had time for one message before hitting Omega 4 relay and you were my best shot.

Guilt was the last thing you should have felt for surviving—I've been there and you don't deserve it. Seeing your escape pod floating in the distance and knowing you were safe was my only comfort during what I thought were my last moments. When I finally came to, I had no idea it had been two years. When I heard that you and most of the crew were alive, I tried to reach you but you weren't the only one Anderson had stonewalled. Hell, I was just grateful to know you were alive, but to see you again?

I'm sorry it's been two years. I'm sorry about the confusion and pain I've caused you; I'm sorry that I couldn't give you a better explanation on Horizon after you saw me with Cerberus. Believe me! I would never do anything to betray the Alliance, and please know that I would never do anything to hurt you.

That's why I've got to stop the Collectors. Cerberus is simply a means to that end. I don't owe them anything and just because I'm working with them for a common short-term goal doesn't mean I trust them or sympathize them or their methods. Why would I do anything with them unless it involved doing everything I could to save as many lives as possible (yourself included—yeah, you're welcome by the way)?

There isn't a day I don't think about you and that night before Ilos . . . my greatest regret is throwing myself back into work after what happened with Sovereign on the Citadel because of the guilt I felt over Ashley's death, especially after meeting her family and the funeral, and assuming you knew how I cherished our time together and how I will always cherish you.

I have to go. With any luck by the time you've get this, we will have already succeeded and the attacks on the colonies have stopped. Very likely it's going to be a one-way mission, so if you don't hear anything about me, or from me, again you'll know why and why I did it: for you and everyone else I've ever cared about.

I wish you nothing but the best, Kaidan. Please take care of yourself. And for what it's worth, I'm glad you let go and tried to move on; don't go backwards and put your life on hold on my account. If I don't return, try to think better of me and know my last thoughts were of you.

Semper Fidelis

Jane Elizabeth Shepard