Author's note: Still not mine (sigh). Many thanks to my muses Pookwana and KT the Opinionated. My utmost admiration goes to Sound of the Flute for doing the beta work on this story.
Regrets and Choices
"Buck, drop it. Alright, just leave me alone." JD stormed out of the office furiously.
"Bucklin, sit yer ass down." Vin Tanner's deadly whisper carried in the shocked silence of the bullpen. "Yah done enough damage."
Tanner rose from his chair and started out the door after the enraged Dunne.
"Yer wrong, Buck." Vin's voice softened. "Know yah mean well, but this time yer wrong. I'll call once I git JD settled," the sharpshooter promised before disappearing from the doorway.
"Who the hell does he think he is?" Buck snarled.
"A man who knows what JD's facing right now." Nathan said quietly as he rose to close the open office door.
"If the boy would just take my advice, all this worrying would be over," Buck protested.
"Would the situation be miraculously settled, Mr. Wilmington? Or would one issue simply be exchanged for a multitude of others?" Ezra asked in a carefully controlled drawl.
"Buck, It isn't that simple for John," Josiah said bitterly.
7777777
JD sat on the roof of the federal building, looking out over the city without really seeing anything.
"It's a might cold." Vin dropped a blanket in JD's lap as he sat down, wrapping a blanket around himself.
"Did Buck send you?" JD snarled.
"Ain't feelin' too friendly toward Buck right now," Vin grunted.
"Why?" JD asked shakily.
"'Cause he's pushin' yah," Tanner answered softly. "Somethin's a man has to work out fer himself."
"Yeah," JD whispered.
"Yah figurin' yah ain't a man after what Martin done to yah," Vin said calmly.
JD's wounded eyes swung around to glare at Tanner. Vin calmly held JD's gaze.
"I don't want to talk about it," JD hissed.
"It's yer choice," Vin agreed peacefully.
After sitting there silently for over an hour, Vin began speaking in a foreign language.
"Talk English," JD snarled.
"Sure." Vin sighed deeply.
"In the long ago, the shining times, when all things seemed new, they's a flock a sheep, down in this valley. They's walkin' around and doin' what sheep do. In tha' flock a sheep, they's this one little critter. He were a sight. Chewin' on tha grass an 'tendin' he were a sheep. Been doin' it so long, he had dern near fergot he weren't one. Spirit damaged he was, maybe past all healing.
One day, this big cat come along. Now this weren't yer regular ole jaguar. Fer one thing, he was solid black and he had blue eyes. He wasn't there ta eat him no sheep either. Strangely enough, he'd took it upon hisself ta pertect them sheep, him and his companions. Now, ever so often somethin' evil would sneak inta tha flock pertendin' ta be one of them sheep. Do an awful lot of harm 'fore they's caught by tha panther and his friends.
Well, Jaguar caught sight a that little critter chewin' on tha grass. Miserable pitiful little thing it were. Starvin' yah see. Them sheep was tellin' him he was one of them, but his teeth weren't made ta eat grass. Tha' panther was all ready ta kill it, thinkin' it were one of them evil things. Well, he looked closer and shook his head and walked over ta tha little thing. It were so weak, it didn't even try ta run. Upshot of it was tha' panther picked it up twixt it's teeth gentle as can be and carried it back to its den like it were his own cub. Oncet he got it home, he cleansed its hurts and examined it close.
"What are you?" Tha panther asked.
"I'se a sheep," Tha critter answered.
"No, you're not a sheep." Tha panther shook his head. "Yah got wings."
"Tha sheep said I'se a sheep," Tha little fella spoke back.
"Look at yerself. If you were a sheep, then ya'd have hooves and wool." Tha' ole panther pointed out.
Well that little fella looked himself over and sure 'nough, they wasn't no hooves, he had talons. Whilst he was lookin' fer some wool ta show tha panther tha' he were a sheep, his wings kept gettin' in his way. Soon 'nough, tha critter sat down in the dirt and looked disgusted. "I ain't no sheep, but what am I?" he asked tha' panther.
"I cain't tell yah. Yah have ta figure tha' out on yer own, little brother." Tha panther tolt him.
"What's gonna happen now?" Tha bewildered little fella asked.
"Do you want to help me and my brothers guard tha sheep?" Tha panther asked.
Little critter pondered on it a might. He got this warm feelin' in his innards thinkin' of pertectin' them sheep from those awful critters. "I'd like ta help yah," he told tha panther.
"Fold yer wings," tha panther tolt him.
Tha panther ended up helpin' him 'cause he didn't know how. Critter never realized he had wings 'fore taday. Jaguar picked him up by tha scruff of his neck and started climbin' a tree 'till he come ta this big nest.
"Now then, make yerself ta home. This is the nest of my brothers, the raptor birds." Panther tolt him. "Yah got wings, this is where I figure yah need ta be."
"I'se scarit bein' up here sa high offen tha ground. How am I gonna eat? Tha grass is way down there." Little Critter protested.
"My brother's and I will feed yah 'till yer strong enough ta feed yerself." Tha panther promised 'fore he climbed back down.
Well them raptor birds landed all around Little Critter.
"They's gonna eat me!" Little Critter thought ta hisself.
A Red-tailed hawk laid a dead rabbit down in front of Little Critter. Poor Little Critter didn't know what ta do wit' no rabbit. This other hawk made this kind a chucklin' noise and hopped over.
"He ain't but a chick," tha' hawk up and says. "Yah gotta tear it up fer him."
So's this hawk begins ta tear tha rabbit inta pieces. He picked a bit of meat up in his beak and nudged Little Critter. Ta be polite Little Critter opened his mouth and tha hawk sat tha' bit a meat in. Well his belly started ta gnaw and he couldn't swaller it fast enough. 'Fore long they wasn't nothin' left of tha rabbit. Little Critter's belly was all rounded out and he got sa sleepy. When he woke, he's tucked in under them wings and he's warm fer tha first time in ferever."
"Vin, enough. I know you guys will take care of me." JD huffed.
"Wasn't talkin' bout you, JD," Vin looked over. "Yah wasn't ready ta talk 'bout what's botherin' yah, so's I'se workin' on mah story."
"Oh. Kind of conceited of me, wasn't it? Not everything is about me." JD looked sheepish.
"It's a learnin' story. If you want it ta be about you, it can be," Vin smiled over.
"Buck's tryin' ta help, yah know," Vin sighed.
"Yeah, I know," JD huffed. "So, you gonna give me advice too?"
"Nope. I'se sittin' with a friend," Vin answered peacefully.
"Maybe I should just go sleep with some girl," JD snapped.
"Now, that sounds like a Buck answer. Yer gonna have ta deal wit' this tha way yer heart says too," Vin sighed.
"I feel like . . . Aw Hell!" JD huffed.
"Yah gonna push Casey inta somethin' she ain't ready for ta maybe make yerself feel better?" Vin demanded.
"What would you know about it?" JD snapped.
"Don't want yah havin' regrets," Vin sighed.
"Regrets?" JD asked sharply.
"Gonna tell yah a story." Vin looked blindly out over the city. "They's this young fella, a soldier. An awful thing happened ta his team. He was the only one that survived."
"You?" JD asked faintly.
"You gonna listen ta tha story er not?" Vin huffed.
"I'm listening, Vin." JD soothed.
"He's in the hospital a long time this soldier, healin' from what had been done to him . . . They released him and sent him on his way. Thing is, he wasn't healed . . . not inside. Didn't feel like a man no more. He made some mighty bad choices. Started ta drinkin'. Didn't help none, of course. Took ta wanderin', tryin' ta lose hisself.
One night, he went home wit this gal. First time he'd got up tha nerve after what happened. Next mornin', he's layin' in a strange bed feelin' . . . like tha bottom of a city cab. Worse than dirty . . . Hell, didn't even know tha' gal's name. Sure wasn't feelin' much like a man. He used that gal. They wasn't none of tha givin and . . . affection they's oughtta be when yah lay down tagether. They's takin' but no givin'. Didn't think he could feel much worse. He slithered outta her bed and inta his clothes ta creep outta there.
When he opened that bedroom door, he felt a whole hell of a lot worse. They's two babies sittin' on tha floor in front of an old TV wit a bad picture. Littlest one needed changed. They's both hungry. He fixed 'em a bite ta eat and changed tha baby. Whilst he's doin' fer 'em, it hit him hard. He'd been careful, but he's still havin' ta be tested fer AIDs and such. Mighta kilt those babies momma. Sat down and cried like a baby his ownself.
They's good babies, littlest one climbed up on tha couch and hugged him. "Owwie?" he kept askin' me . . . Put his little hand over mah heart. Little gal, she brought me her lovey ta holt and kept pettin' mah hair. Sang me lullabies. Don' know how long I sat there jist grievin'.
Couldn't leave them babies on they's own, so I'se still there when they's momma woke up. She's real surprised ta see me fixin' her TV. Old and wore out and she weren't but 20. Asked me why I'se still there. Said she's doin' fine on her own. Tolt me ta git mah ass outta her life, she didn't need no do-gooder. I got out. Stopped down stairs and paid her back rent. That's when I found out her name.
Took off inta tha mountains. Guess I went a might crazy. Started talkin' wit' God up there. When I come down, I felt clean. Someday I'll find me tha right woman, but 'till then, rekin I'll be waitin'." Vin finished.
"Docs say I'se clean. So, I never give her no disease. Only thing good that come outta that night," Vin sighed sadly. "Landlord called me a few months later. She brought tha wrong man home one night. Social Services found them babies a good home. Real nice folks. I go visit wit' 'em ever so often. Lena, tha little gal, has learnt ta make chocolate chip cookies. Raphael, he's a pistol. They's momma's gone and they ain't no bringin' her back. Don't figure what I did really made much difference, she's livin' dangerous. Cain't help but wonder though."
"Don't want you havin' more grief over this, JD. Look in yer heart and choose how yer gonna be. Layin' down wit' a woman won't make a man outta a clod a dirt. No more'n makin' a baby makes a fella a daddy. It's yer actions that make a man. Yer choices." Vin looked over with troubled eyes. "Yer hurtin', ain't no reason ta hurt other folks ta make yerself feel better."
"Casey and I will do what's right for us in our own time," JD muttered and flushed.
"Good, I'd have hated ta shoot yah," Vin smiled.
"You wouldn't really," JD scoffed.
Vin smirked and raised an eyebrow. "Figure I could wing yah, might keep Ms. Nettie from gettin' more serious."
"Ms. Nettie," JD winced.
Vin thoughtfully studied his young friend. "They's lots a kind of hurts." Vin began speaking, looking uncomfortable.
"I'm not going to hurt Casey by going to another woman, Vin," JD promised.
"'Nough said. Yah goin' home er what? Promised tha fellas I'd call. They's a might worried 'bout yah," Vin explained.
"I think I'm going to ask Casey to go to the movies. The Grand is running back to back Disney's." JD smiled, climbing to his feet and dropping the blanket over Tanner's shoulders.
"Vin, thanks." JD patted Tanner's shoulder before walking off.
Vin watched as his friend moved away, his step just a little lighter. JD never heard the words he murmured, they were carried off on the breeze, "Spread your wings and fly, little brother. We ain't gonna letcha fall."
The End . . . at least for now