Title: Down With Monogamy!
Pairing: Main pairing is Lucius Malfoy x James Potter- but there are hints and mentions of the following- Lily x James, Lily x Sirius, and Lily x Lucius.
Characters: James Potter, Lucius Malfoy, Sirius Black, Lily Evans
Disc: Not my people
Rated: M

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WARNINGS: This is pretty damn cracky. THIS STORY CONTAINS CROSS DRESSING. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT ENJOY CROSS DRESSING OR M/M SEX.

YOU HAVE BEEN APPROPRIATELY WARNED.

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Summary: AU FIC! Lucius is the same age as James and co- and finds himself on the wrong end of a bet with fellow 7th year James Potter.

(*) The Gryffindor Common Room, 1978 (*)

"Okay. I've got a plan." Sirius grinned, looking fairly pleased with himself. "You want to get with Evans, but she doesn't realize what a great guy you are."

James looked sour, but he nodded. "She must be blind. I'm ready to settle down now- no more serial dating and one night stands. You are looking at James Potter- ready for monogamy."

"Right- and that makes you a serious catch. She just has to see it first, and bluntly. So- I'll ask her to the ball. You take the prettiest girl you can find. At the ball, you'll make her jealous by being so suave with your date that she'll want to be her. Understand?"

The other teen nodded slowly. "Yeah, I get it. I like it." He grinned from ear to ear. "Because if I don't get with Evans, the night really isn't lost then! I'll still be leaving with a lovely lady. …Damn. Monogamy is a hard mindset to get into." James flopped down on one of the big stuffed armchairs, looking contemplative. "It's just… picking the prettiest girl in school and winning her over."

"There's some seriously pretty girls that could take that crown." Sirius agreed and sat down across from James. "I don't envy you trying to pick."

(*)

A few days later, after careful observation and deliberation, James found what he considered to be the prettiest girl in all of Hogwarts. "Malfoy!" He shouted out, jogging alongside the blonde teen. He managed to corral him down a far less busy corridor.

"Potter." Lucius sniffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "What exactly do you want?"

"You know that bet we've got on the upcoming Slytherin vs Gryffindor game?" His eyes were wide and his expression was beaming.

Lucius raised an eyebrow and quirked an eyebrow at the jubilance the other teen was showing. He raised his shoulders defensively. "Yes… you're not backing out of it, are you?"

"Oh no. I want to raise the stakes. If I lose, I'll shave SLYTHERIN ROCKS into my head."

Lucius scanned his face carefully. He frowned just a bit. "As amusing as that would be… what do you want from me?"

James leaned over, whispering what he wanted from Lucius. He was met with a resounding slap across the face. "Ow!" He muttered, rubbing his cheek. "Oh come on, you should be flattered." His head snapped to the side at the force of another slap, this time to the other cheek. "…Okay, so you're not flattered. Those are the stakes- you're not going to back out on me, are you?" He leaned in again, whispering to Lucius scandalously. "You're not a coward, are you Malfoy?"

"No!" He said hotly. "…Fine." He stuck out his hand to him. "Shake on it, then."

James grabbed his hand, giving it a good shake. "Thanks, Malfoy. May the best team win."

(*)

There was no way he was ever going to lose a match to Slytherin. With so much on the line, James Potter was unstoppable on the pitch. The odd combination of pale and green that Lucius wore when he fully registered that Slytherin had lost, and rather soundly, was one James was going to remember forever.

The ball was nearly upon them- as far as he knew, it had already started- but it didn't matter to James if they came late. All eyes would be upon them that way.

James was grinning ear to ear as he waited outside of one of the empty classrooms for Lucius to be finished. He was in his dress robes which he had pressed- and his finest shoes were polished up for the ball. He wanted to look as good as he possibly could, as Lily was simply not a girl who could easily be impressed. "Come on, Malfoy! Aren't you done in there yet?"

"Shut it, Potter! You're making me mess up!" Lucius shouted out from beyond the closed door. The blonde was determined to not be seen getting ready in fear that he would never live this down. Several minutes later, the door opened and there stood Lucius- clad in a form fitting, high necked black gown with sheer black long sleeves that puffed at the cuffs. His long hair was done in an elegant French braid that cascaded down the middle of his back and tied with a velvet black ribbon.

James blinked. Lucius went that extra step and threw on make-up- an obvious attempt at trying to hide his identity. "Pink?" Was all he managed to get out as he took in the sight of his pink, glossy lips.

"Red is for women of the night." He said cooly. "Of which, I am clearly neither. Pink is a respectable color."

If it were any other time, James would have busted a gut. But Lucius looked a bit too good in his outfit- especially with the sheer black fabric covering his back. He assumed that his classmates would be quite jealous of his 'braless' date. "You… you look great."

"I always look great, Potter- even when… when dressed like this." He scowled and smacked the other teen's arm. "Stop staring! It's incredibly unnerving."

"Right, I… er… right. Sorry." He cleared his throat and offered Lucius his arm.

Lucius took it, wrapping his hands around the offered arm. He had done his fingernails, having nicked a bottle of Narcissa's silver polish. The soft clicking of high heels on stone, coupled with the polished nails was making James's head spin.

"Exactly how far are you taking this bet?"

"Plenty far!" Lucius hissed. "I don't want anyone to figure out that I'm… me." He muttered.

James let his mind drift off, trying to think of what Lucius could possibly have under that gown to add to the illusion of being female and nearly walked into a wall.

(*)

Lily blinked when she saw James walking in with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. Sirius was busy trying to get her to dance in some wild way that he deemed was all the rage- but she refused to buy it. "Sirius- who… who is that with Potter?"

Sirius spun her violently around so he could see for himself. "Well hot dog, seems as if James found himself a date with a foxy blonde. Seems like she's giving him the cold shoulder. Poor bloke, can't catch a break chasing after icy women." He shook his head in dismay and then cleared his throat. "Not talking about you, of course. All the other icy women he's lusting for, they're frigid bitches- not like you. You're warmer than the sun! Hot like fire- burn baby, bur-"

"Sirius?"

"…Yes?"

Lily pressed her finger to his lips. "Just stop talking."

"Yes mam'm."

Lily fixed her green eyes on the blonde girl. She did seem rather proper while wearing a very daring dress. Then again, she had nothing in the front to speak of. Lily smirked a bit- proud of her full chest. She stuck them out without realizing it- right into Sirius who wasn't about to bring her attention to it. The blonde girl walked right over to a seat, crossing one elegant leg over the other. James seemed to falter just a bit while he openly ogled her nylon stocking clad legs- leading down to a pair of shiny black pumps. Okay, so she had nicer legs. Lily had to give her that. "Alright, Sirius- spill it. Who is the girl? I've never seen her before."

"Er… The prettiest girl in Hogwarts, Lily." Sirius looked a bit sheepish. When she looked more displeased, he pouted. "I've been sworn to secrecy. …Why, are you jealous of her?" His smirk spread across his face. "Maybe then you should go right over there and tell James you're in to him and go on date."

A little light bulb went off in her head as she raised a red eyebrow. This was done on purpose to make her jealous, so that she'd go right on over and make a move on James. That sad part was that it almost worked. However, almost was not a success. "…Oh, no. Apparently Potter's moved on to that girl. I'm not going to stand in their way!"

"But you're supposed to!" Sirius blurted out. "Trust me, he doesn't want that girl."

"Oh really? He seems to be fawning over her pretty good." Lily rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "He's even fumbling with the punch cups." She winced when one of them slipped out of his hand and landed on the girl's lap. She looked appropriately mortified while casting a drying charm.

Sirius watched the scene in complete dismay. James was never this awkward around anyone—ever. Normally he'd have just about anyone eating out of his hand by now. "…It doesn't matter what cups he's fumbling with, he only wants to fumble with yours- trust me. Malfoy doesn't have tits, after all."

"Malfoy?" A shocked expression over took her face. "That's Malfoy?"

Sirius clapped a hand over her mouth. "SHHH. Not so loud!" He hissed. "Man, James is going to kill me." He looked pained.

"Damn! He's got excellent legs." She lifted the hem of her dress to examine hers. "He's got such nice calves. I'd kill for calves like that."

"Oh come on, you have excellent legs- very choice." Sirius said quickly. "Oh Merlin, come on- let's just dance." He pulled Lily away from the spectacle James was making after spilling punch all over Lucius's legs.

It wasn't long before James and Lucius joined them on the dance floor. Lucius looked miserable as James trampled all over his feet- as his vision was fully concentrated on how pretty his grey eyes were accented by a light silver eye shadow. Lily felt sorry for him, and a little lightheaded from Sirius and his half crazed dance moves. She struggled with him for control of the dance, directing them over to James and Lucius. "Hey! Can I cut in?" She called out over the music.

"What? Oh. Yeah, alright." James reluctantly let go of Lucius and extended his hand to her- which she completely bi-passed in favor of catching his date's hand.

"Don't worry! I'll bring her back in one piece!" Lily called out and pulled Lucius with her. Once they were out on the floor, out of ear shot from James and Sirius, she smirked and lowered her voice. "Nice outfit, Malfoy."

Lucius's eyes snapped open, and instantly narrowed. He vowed not to utter a single word in order to keep his identity but Merlin—was it ever hard not to.

"Don't worry, I'll keep your secret. I had to drag it out of Sirius. No pun intended." She snickered and he looked murderous. "I just figured your feet could use a bit of a break from being stepped on all night. Seems Potter's quite in to you. He hasn't looked my way all night. Guess I'm off the hook. I suppose if I'm going to lose out, it should be to you. I can't compete with those legs."

Lucius's mouth hung open for a moment before letting it snap shut audibly.

Around them, whispers spread through their peers about two girls dancing together. Lily hide to bite her tongue to keep from laughing while Lucius looked progressively miserable. "Alright, alright. The dance is over. I'll let you get back to Potter before there's a scandal. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." She murmured to him and pecked his cheek.

Over toward the other end of the dance floor, Sirius smirked a bit while James fumed. "Oh come on, Prongs. That was kinda hot. Lighten up!"

"No." He grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest.

"And why not?"

"Because I'm confused, damn it!" He griped. "I thought I wanted Evans. Now I'm intrigued by Malfoy."

Sirius snorted. "It's probably because deep down inside, James Charlus Potter is not ready to hop on the monogamy wagon. Those people are all squares anyway. You need to experience the world before settling down!"

"Damn straight! I'm going to take back my life- saved from the jaws of deadly monogamy!"

"Just in the nick of time too." Sirius nodded. "You are quite lucky. …Say, in the meantime- do you mind if I put some of the ole' moves on Evans while you make up for lost time?"

James stiffened just a bit at the thought, but then finally shrugged. "Yeah… just… Evans is different. She's not just a regular girl. Don't you go breaking her heart. …And… should you figure her out, let me know and help a brother out."

"Don't worry about it. Just… uh… with Malfoy, you might want to start acting a bit more like James Potter and not the clutz act that you've been playing around him. He looked this close to punching you in the face when you spilled all that punch on him."

"It's not an act!" James scowled. "I can't er… get my head around how pretty he looks. I just… I can't stop staring at him like that. It's throwing off my game!"

"Then stop picturing the girl- start imagining him as he is normally- an arrogant dick. You can handle that, right?"

James chewed on his bottom lip. "Yeah… It's just going to be bloody hard to concentrate."

(*)

The rest of the ball went as smoothly as a dirt road. James managed to get his mind around picturing Lucius out of the ball gown- and Sirius was getting just about as far as James normally did with Lily. With the night winding down, James decided to leave Sirius to his own devices with Lily and go off on his own with Lucius.

"Well my dear 'date'- I must humbly apologize for spilling punch on you and trampling your poor feet earlier. I was wrapped up in your beauty."

Lucius snorted and remained quiet.

"Please allow me to escort you back home. …Not that you'll protest." He offered his arm to Lucius, leading him out of the slowly depleting ball room. The walk toward Slytherin was halted when Lucius raised a hand to stop him, directing him into an empty classroom. With the door shut behind him, Lucius was quick to brandish his wand at James's throat.

"Give me your clothing- now. I'm not returning to the dorms like this!"

"Oh, right. Yeah, I can't imagine that would go over well." James said and slowly started to undress. First went the tie, and then the outer layer of his dress robes. "Shall I do a little dance and make it at least worth your while as you wait for my duds?"

Color tinted the other teen's cheeks. "Spare me."

"What's that? I can't hear you over the sexy."James drawled out as he used a quick spell to undo all the buttons at once. He shoved the shirt down to his elbows, shimmying for all he was worth. He shucked it totally off, swinging over his head and off toward Lucius who caught it easily enough. He grinned as he caught the blonde's eyes roaming over his Quidditch toned upper body- a bit of dark chest hair was poking out of his undershirt- which he was quite proud of. "Tell me, Malfoy- do your Slytherin goons look as good as this?" He said cockily as he flexed his arms. He didn't have big bulging muscles, but he knew what he had were nice.

"Potter…" Lucius growled out.

"A sexy growl." James winked as Lucius's indignant look grew. "My strip tease seems to be working." He grabbed the belt of his pants, smirking as he slid it off and cracked it like a whip. "Clearly you must be turned on under that dress. Maybe you should lift up the hem so I can see what a good job I've been doing in working you up into a sexual frenzy."

"You have done no such thing, James Potter!" He sputtered out.

"Really…?" He reached out and ran a hand up Lucius's upper thigh, feeling the material slide through his fingers. He felt the shiver go through the other teen and had to suppress one of his own. "Amazing- just amazing legs." He murmured and put a hand on his other leg, repeating the motion. When he wasn't being pushed back, and with the tiny moan that Lucius made giving him the green light, he backed him up on the desk. With a careful hand, he lifted the hem up and over his legs- placing the excess on the black lace tops of his nylon stockings. James let his eyes roam over the long limbs hugged in the translucent material. "Wow…" He ran his palm up his calf, raising the limb so that it rested on his shoulder. His fingers trailed over his calf, down the middle of his upper thigh, and then vanished beneath the pools of black satin.

Lucius jumped a bit when he felt the other teen's curious fingers brushing across the bulge at the front of his silk knickers- the sensation felt so good he had to bite back a moan. Gradually those fingers became bold and started to stroke the front of him- touching his hardening shaft and rubbing his thumb over his scrotum. "You- you've done this before."

"I have, once or twice- never with a boy so damn pretty though. …Judging by the fact that I've been openly molesting you and you haven't pushed me away must mean you have to." He grinned roguishly at him and the gesture got Lucius's cheeks to pinken. James smirked a bit, letting his leg down from off his shoulder- gazing at his still somewhat perfect looks- not even a hair was out of place yet, and those lips remained glossy. He made a vow to change that, and his smirk grew. He lifted the hem of the gown completely over Lucius's lap, taking in the sight of him in a pair of form fitted black silk underwear- much like boxers in shape only. He wore a black lace garter belt with suspenders to hold up his nylon stockings. He felt his cheeks heat up in response- there was something incredibly erotic about seeing Lucius in this state- with a dress pulled up around his lap and his long legs accented so perfectly in sheer material that he had to commit the image to memory. With a mutter of a quick spell, the other teen's black underwear vanished- exposing him to James's gaze. He trailed a teasing finger up the underside of Lucius's stiffening erection, getting another shiver of anticipation. James licked at his dry lips and stepped away from him. "Get up, and turn around- brace your hands on the desk."

Lucius nodded slowly and got up, lifting the hem up and over his hips. He nodded in approval when James groaned in delight at the sight. The other teen's hands were on him, stroking his hips and playing with the suspenders- snapping them teasingly. Lucius shot him an indignant look over his shoulder, but said nothing.

James ran his hands over the smooth, rounded flesh of Lucius's bottom, then reached between his legs to nudge them apart. He was meant with swift compliance as Lucius raised his ass to him just enough to be a noticeable action. Grinning, he ran a teasing finger down his cleft. "Some one's eager."

"Yes." Lucius snipped testily. "Someone is."

He reached down, fumbling with the front of his pants and eventually got them off his hips- out of the way for now. His erection was throbbing eagerly, and he gave it a quick stroke while casting a quick lubing charm. James was excellent at charms after all. He grabbed the blonde's hips and slid deep inside of him, groaning at the sudden heat wrapped all around him. "Hot damn." He breathed out.

"Agreed—now move!" Lucius managed to get out, rolling his shoulders in anticipation. James's breath hitched in his throat as he watched his shoulders and back move through the sheer black fabric on the back of the gown. He didn't move right away- needing to look at that glorious sight once more before finally moving inside of him.

His thrusts sent Lucius reeling and grasping for the end of his desk. James wasn't as experienced- his thrusts were ragged and hard, but skill didn't matter at the moment. Heat flooded his face as his braid bounced up and down on his back, his pants growing rougher. "Oh!" Lucius threw his head back, reeling from James finally finding his spot.

James gripped his hips, concentrating everything he had on that one little area until he had made Lucius go boneless with pleasure. It wasn't long before the heat trapping him made him erupt deep inside the hot body in front of him. His vision went white as he drank in the cries of pleasure from Lucius Malfoy.

(*)

Sirius looked sour as he waited for James. Flirting with Lily got him nowhere. No wonder why James was always having problems with her. But his mind went back to when her lovely breasts were pushed against his chest- accidently, of course. He shook his fist at the ceiling, mentally cursing her name before casting his eyes to the portrait hole.

In staggered James- wearing nothing but the top layer of his dress robes and his snitch boxer shorts- and a smile, of course. In his hand he held the dress Lucius was wearing at the ball- clenching it tightly as if it were a bag of galleons rather than an expensive ball gown.

Sirius blinked at the sight. "Good time, mate?"

James's grin was wide and unflinching. He held up the dress in victory. "The hell with monogamy, Pads!"

Sirius laughed and went over to his friend, clapping him on the back. "Damn straight, Prongs- no truer words have ever been spoken. …But… where in the name of Merlin's beard did your pants go?"

FIN