A/N:
This is REALLY dark guys. Honestly, if you decide to read this I will not be held responsible for the level of feels incurred.
MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNINGS: dark thoughts, heart-break, mental illness, depression, despair, loneliness
Hear the soul of Loki, the liesmith, the silvertongue, the one-time son of Odin, the abandoned son of Laufey. Hear, now, of my pain.
I'm cold. I am falling. I've been falling all my life.
I tried to show them how I fell – tried to make them see me; to see what I needed, and who I was. The problem is that none thought that Gods could cry. But I was crying. Over and over again. And they did not hear me. Until it was too late.
Do you know what it's like? To be alone? To have none that truly understand you? To feel within you, burning, day by day, feelings that you cannot understand? Feelings that overwhelm you, overtake you? Do you know what it's like to be certain that no-one knows or understands your suffering?
Asgard's society is not kind to the soul. It is based on war, battle, brute strength. How was I to tell them that I fought a different battle, every day? That in my battles, with my own self, I was ever the loser? My resolve, my strength... I felt all slip from me, little by little. Can you understand? I suppose you cannot. None ever do, not really; not truly.
I'm cold. And I'm falling. I've been falling all my life.
I value truth. That might seem strange. But to me, there is nothing more important in this world or any other. There is truth in lies. Seems strange, doesn't it? But there is. The bigger truths lie there, hiding between the words.
Lies like, 'I'm fine,' tell truths like, 'I'm not fine.' Lies like 'I don't care,' tell truths like, 'I am burning inside.' Lies such as 'she did not suffer,' tell truths like, 'she died screaming.' Lies are simply the truth in disguise. Truth is a timid creature. It must wrap itself in armour. I provide the armour, and protect the truth.
I am cold. I think I'm falling. I've been falling all my life.
I can love. I do love. Love hurts more than hate – it digs its claws into you and tears at your heart. Sometimes, you must disguise one as the other, to stop your heart from breaking further.
They think me cruel. No, I will never be cruel. I know too much of cruelty. I can hurt, yes, but I do not hurt simply to hurt. I do not hurt as others have hurt me.
I am cold. I think that I am falling. Am I falling?
They call themselves heroes. They never bothered to know me, to know my story, before they judged me. They never bothered to reach out a hand, and pull me from the darkness. Perhaps I am too heavy. I feel like I'm too heavy. Some days I can barely stand the weight of my head.
I am cold. I am falling. Maybe one day I shall hit the ground.