Author's note: This is my VERY first story EVER! I just want to warn everyone that I know it won't be very good, because I am new at this and extremely self-conscious about writing a decent story. I have an idea about stories that I want to write, but I have a hard time sticking to one subject. One of the main reasons that I am doing this is because I want to become a beta. So please bear with me if you are reading this. I look forward to reading your feedback, so let me know what you think!!
I have never been so happy in my life. I was more than content lying in my husband's arms. Edward and I had been very happily married for three years and we were still desperately in love. We were expecting our first child any day now. We were overjoyed at the idea of being parents. When I lay down and snuggled against his chest he laid his warm, strong hand on my belly and patted it gently.
"Goodnight, little one. I love you," he said to our baby. "What about me, am I chopped liver?" I teased. "Of course you're not sweetie, I love you, too." He replied "I love you too, Edward. Goodnight."
When I woke up the next morning, I was grateful that it was Sunday. Edward was able to stay with me all day, which made me very happy. As I went about my daily routine, he watched me carefully. I cleaned up around the house and then settled into our couch to read. He sat next to me and gently laid his hand on my belly as he always did.
"How are you feeling? Your due date is getting really close. Are you sure you should be up and about as much as you are?" he fretted. "Edward, honey, I'm fine. Really, I feel great." I assured him "Good, just checking. I guess I'm just worried about yours and the baby's health."
As I read my book I started to imagine what my life will be like as a mother. I had wanted to have a child since I was a little girl. I had always loved to care for children and be around them. I hadn't really thought much about whether I preferred a boy or a girl. I supposed that it didn't matter much as long as the child was healthy. I just prayed that everything would go well.
I got up when I realized that I wasn't really reading my book. I needed to be up on my feet so I could occupy my mind. I glanced at the large grandfather clock and noticed the time. It was nearly six o'clock. I headed into the kitchen to start dinner. I didn't have the energy to make a big dinner so it was going to be simple today. I hadn't felt much like cooking lately. I set a salad on the table and turned around to take the iced tea from the ice box when I felt a sharp pain tear through my back.
I clutched the edge of the table, thinking that it would break under my force, while another pain shot down my back and around to my stomach. I forgot all about the dinner I was preparing and focused solely on the breathing I learned in lamaze.
"Edward! Come quick!" I yelled. "What is it Bella, what's wrong?" he called as he ran down the hall. "I think the baby is coming." "Just stay calm. I'll get your bag and pull the car around, just keep breathing." he said as he helped me into a chair. "I'll be fine." I said as he ran to get my bag and get the car.
Moments later he raced back inside and helped me up. He supported most of my weight as he helped me through the front room and into the car. With how fast he was driving us to the hospital, I was sure we would get a speeding ticket. He parked the car and ran around to help me out. He practically carried me into the maternity ward. The orderly put me in a wheelchair and turned to Edward. "Sir, you are going to have to wait here. No one is allowed in here except for the staff," he said. Edward ignored him. He looked at me and smiled the crooked smile that I have always loved. He bent down to give me a kiss. "I love you. I'll see both of you very soon." he whispered in my ear. And with that, I was being wheeled down the halls of the maternity ward, excited and nervous about what was to come.
I was trying very hard to not focus on the pain. I concentrated on the reward I would soon be holding in my arms. I imagined my child's face, thinking about what it would look like. I wondered if he or she would have my eyes, my nose, or my hair. Although I am really hoping that our baby has the beautiful auburn colored hair of Edward. I thought about everything but the pain. I made it through the many hours of labor this way.
Finally, my obstetrician, Dr. Swan, announced that I was finally ready to deliver the baby. I knew that childbirth wasn't easy but I never imagined this! The pain got worse, the seconds dragged, and I was nearly spent. Just when I thought I could bear pushing no more, I heard a soft cry.
I had done it. I had earned my reward. I looked up and saw the most beautiful child I have ever seen in the nurse's arms. "Congratulations Mrs. Masen, you have a handsome little boy," the nurse told me. "Oh, I can't believe how wonderful he is. He is perfect," I breathed out.
"We need to take him to the nursery and examine him," Dr. Swan said. "Your husband will be here soon, ma'am," assured the nurse.
The nurse suggested that I try to rest but I was too excited and nervous to sleep so I just laid my head back on the bed and tried to relax. I waited for Edward for what seemed like forever but he didn't come. The nurse returned and gave me some medication which made me feel strange. She left the room without saying a word to me about my son. I kept waiting but no one came. I started to feel anxious. I wished that someone would just tell me what was going on with my baby boy.
Finally, Edward walked into my room. He was wiping tears from his face. My first thought was that they were tears of joy, I would soon find out that I was very wrong. He kept his eyes on the floor, never wanting to look me in the eye, and walked slowly to sit on the side of my bed. When he finally looked up I knew something was horribly wrong. He was in agony. I had never seen anyone in more pain.
"What's wrong?" I whispered. "Bella, I'm so sorry. Our son, he didn't make it, Bella our son is dead," his voice was empty. "W-What? What do you mean? I just saw him, he was crying and looked fine. He can't be! He just can't be! Please tell me this isn't true Edward. Our son can't be gone!" She cried out, anger, fear and frustration filling her words. "Our son is gone. He couldn't breathe and the doctors were not able save him. Bella, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do." He cried out.
Pain shot though me again. I remembered the pain of labor and childbirth but this was so much more. It was like someone was ripping my heart and trying to pull it from my chest. As I remembered my beautiful son's face I started to cry. I sobbed until I had no tears left. I was now empty, void of all feeling, I had nothing left.
I had to stay in the hospital for a week but time meant nothing to me now. It could have been a day, a year or a lifetime, it didn't matter to me. It all seemed the same. I didn't think about anything, my mind empty, like my heart. It felt like I had died. I was dead inside. Edward packed my things after I was discharged and helped me out to the car. He never spoke a word to me. I wouldn't have even noticed if he did.
When we arrived home Edward helped me into bed. I had barely noticed that I had been moved from a hospital bed and into my own. I just collapsed onto my side and stared at the lamp on my bed side table. I didn't see it. I saw nothing, I felt nothing. Edward left me there alone. When he came back a few minutes later he had a small tray of food clasped in his hands. He had brought me a turkey sandwich and some ice water. He set the food tray on the bed side table and placed his hand on my cheek.
"Bella, you need to eat," he said with concern in his voice. "I'm not hungry," I whispered
"Bella, honey, you need to take care of yourself. Please eat." "Later." I said, not wanting to argue. "I'll leave it here for you then." And with that, he left me to be by myself again, not knowing how to deal with the loss of his child.
I don't know how long I stared at nothing. Time didn't seem to pass. I didn't notice when Edward came to bed later that night, or even when he woke in the next morning. I was still staring at nothing. I noticed nothing. I was nothing.
"Honey, I'm going to walk down to the market to get a gallon of milk. I noticed last night that we were almost out. I'll be back soon, I love you" he promised. "Hmm," was all I could manage to respond with.
After Edward left I started to see the lamp that I had been staring at for so long. I noticed the pale green fringe and thought of my dead child's nursery. Somehow, I didn't cry. It seemed so strange to me. I sat up slowly and took a deep breath. I stood up and carefully walked down to the hall to the room that would have been my son's. I stood outside the door for a few minutes, not ready to go in, breathing. I opened the door and looked inside. I still wasn't able cry. I felt hollow.
I walked inside and sat in the rocking chair in the corner. I imagined myself sitting here on a beautiful morning with my child in my arms, just rocking. I couldn't even think of what his name was. He didn't have one. We hadn't decided on one before the birth and we hadn't spoken of it since his death. My son didn't have a name. And with that thought, the tears began to fall.
Sitting there in that rocking chair, seeing the room that my nameless son would never enter, I decided. If my child couldn't live, then neither could I. I sat for just a moment longer. I had to leave before Edward returned home. I couldn't wait any longer. As I stood to leave a small toy caught my eye. It was a small white teddy bear with a yellow ribbon around its neck. I picked it up and held it to my face feeling it softness on my skin. I decided that it would come with me to die.
I had never been to the cliffs that scattered the ocean near my home. I had never had a desire to stand inches from death. Now, with my baby gone, that was no longer the case. I drove up as far as I could up the rocky incline. I had to walk the rest of the way. As I climbed I held the white bear to my cheek. I savored the feel of the soft material and thought of my son. We would be together soon enough. I would give him the bear that I carried with me.
Once I reached the top of the mountainous hillside I walked slowly to the precipice. I held the small bear in my arms like a newborn baby. I had never been given the chance to hold my son. I held the bear now as I thought of him. I stepped as close to the edge as I could and stroked the soft fur of the bear in my arms. I smiled at the thought of seeing my baby boy in heaven.
I held the bear tightly as I leaned forward and began to let myself fall off the cliff. I didn't scream, I didn't feel the need to. I waited patiently for heaven to find me. I waited for the white light, but it never came to me. I saw only blackness instead. I don't know how long the blackness held me. I didn't feel the movement of being carried to the morgue. I didn't feel anything. Then, I heard a magical voice. I thought that God had found me at last and I would soon see my child.
"I will make it better now. I'm sorry," the magical voice whispered into my ear.
A moment later I felt something pierce my throat. I didn't understand. God wasn't supposed to inflict more pain upon me. He was supposed to take all the pain away, to unite me with my son, and make me whole. Then the burning started. I was on fire. Why was God doing this to me? Was this the punishment for not being able to save my son from death? Was this hell was like? I could barely think anymore. I just let the burning take me over. I felt that I deserved the suffering for not being a good enough mother to save my child from his early death.
Finally, the burning had ceased and for that I was grateful. I opened my eyes only to take sight of God's beautiful face. He was not what I had expected. He was young, younger than me, and blonde. He was beautiful. Behind him, there was another young man. He was just as beautiful. He had the most amazing bronze hair and he was smiling at me.
"Hello, I'm Carlisle Cullen. This is my son, Emmet," he gestured to the bronze haired boy, "May I ask your name?" he spoke in the most beautiful voice. It was absolutely mesmerizing.
"Bella. Am I in heaven?" I asked. My voice not sounding the same as it used to. I sounded like an angel. "No, Bella, this isn't heaven. I am sorry for the pain you have had to suffer through over the last few days, but it was the only way I was able to save you. Emmet and I are vampires, not angels." he stated. "You are what?" I asked confusion written all over my face.
"We are vampires." He said. "There is no need to be afraid. We don't hunt humans. We only live off the blood of animals. We are dedicated to preserving human life. We believe that all life is precious. That is why I brought you here. I had to do what I could to save you. I only knew of one way to keep you alive. I bit you and changed you into one of us to save your life. It was all I could do." He stated. "What does that mean?" I asked.
"Well," he started "It means that we will be taking you hunting. I'm sure you've noticed the pain in your throat. That means you are thirsty." Emmet said. "It's like it's on fire," I remarked to him.
They took me hunting. It all came to me very naturally. Instinctual, they said. I had to drink the blood of several deer to feel full but even then the aching in my throat was only dulled but not erased. When we returned to the house they sat me down and explained all the things that I would need to know. I was now immortal. That meant I could never see my son. I tried to cry but the tears would come. I would never be able cry again.
Carlisle held my hand while I sobbed. I explained to him why I had jumped. Why it was I had been hoping for death. He told me that my son would surely be in heaven. Emmet walked out of the room quietly and left me alone with Carlisle. I sat with my face in my hands while Carlisle rubbed small circles on my back trying his best to console me.
We were still sitting in silence when Emmet returned. He walked silently to my other side and sat beside me. He held out the small white bear that I had taken from the nursery before I tried to die. He handed it to me and gently hugged me. I stared down at the bear and finally decided on a name for my son.
"I will call him Teddy. I will always remember him. I will always love him." I decided
"That is a beautiful name," Carlisle said.
"You know, Bella, we need to move along to the next place soon and I think I have an idea for our next cover story." Emmet stated. "What's that?" Carlisle asked wondering what he was thinking. "Well, you have been my 'uncle' for a long time now and I thought that maybe you would like to be my father this time." Emmet suggested. "What about me, where do I fit in to this story?" I asked timidly. "Well, Bella, how would you like to be my mother?" "I would love that." I whispered, suddenly overcome with happiness and joy at the thought of getting a second chance to be a mother. It was the first piece of good news that I had heard since that fateful day that I was told my little boy, Teddy, died.
I had lost my Teddy. I couldn't be his mother anymore. I would always feel sad that I had lost him but now I also felt joy. I had gained another son. I had my Emmet. I loved him as much as I did Teddy. I loved them both. I will hold them both in my silent heart, forever.
Author's Note: Ok, so I know the ending was pretty quick, but overall I don't think I did too too bad. Thanks for taking the time out to read my story. Feel free to review!! I am hoping that I get better as I go along, there is always hope!! Thanks again for reading my story and please remember before reviewing that this is my very first story and it took a lot of courage for me to write.