Memories.

Miley's POV

*deep in thought*

I remember the time when we walked the streets of the city. Many people around us, but it felt like just you and me. The sun shone and the skies were blue. Humidity was high but I was cold, that hug from you changed my coldness quickly. I had fun that day, jumping in puddles after it eventually rained, splashing you and the others in the process of my enjoyment. I was happy then, because I had you. But now, that's just a memory.

I remember the time when I risked it all for you. It was the best night of my life. Just you, me and two friends. The night passed quickly but I had fun. Drinking, playing games and just plainly messing around. That night ended in a kiss, a kiss I would never forget. But now that's just a memory.

2 days passed since that wonderful night and you took me to the park. You wanted to spend the day with your friends, but you gave that up to be with me. I felt special and spending that time with you was nice. The day ended in a kiss, a kiss I would never forget.

Not a day, not a week, but a couple of hours passed before you changed all that. You asked her to be with you, not me. You kissed me and left, knowing how I felt, but it didn't matter to you because you liked her more. She even knew how I felt, but she stole your heart, she stole it from me. I don't know why I tried, I don't know why I bothered, I should have known that you were going to hurt me, I should have known you wouldn't have cared.

Now the months had passed and the pain hasn't changed. I still think about it and imagine how things could have been. Don't you? Don't you ever see us, happy together, happy in love? I don't think so. You're so happy with her and now it's like I don't even exist. I just want our friendship back at the least, but you can't even return that. I miss you. I miss you a lot.

*thoughts end*

"Em, what am I going to do?" I asked. She looked up at me from the ground where she sat eating some hot chips. "You need to forget him Miles, he doesn't matter anymore, he hurt you!" She replied. "Em, you have said that a million times and my response is still going to be the same! I like him too much to just forget him, he means too much!" I stated and then stormed off. Em got up from where she sat and followed me. "Where are you going? Are you just going to ditch your friends?" She said starting to sound a bit angry. "No, I will come back; I just need to clear my mind. God Em, you're meant to help me. You know how I feel and yet you still say the same thing!" I continued on as she stopped and then returned to her blanket and hot chips. 5 minutes later David returned. I looked over to the blanket that at one stage we all sat on enjoying ourselves and saw David and Em discussing something and constantly looking over at me. I scoffed and then turned my back to them. "Miles, I know how you feel, I know what you mean, but truthfully, there is nothing you can do about it, you will always have me and Em, but I can't guarantee you will always have Nick" I heard a voice from behind me. I looked down at my ankle which had a blue and white weaved anklet tied around it and instantly the memory came back.

*flashback*

I sat on the ground as he stood near the table. I saw the weaved band around his wrist and smiled. I reached up and tried to take hold of it but failed. He looked down at me and laughed a bit before sitting beside me. He removed the band from his wrist and tied it around my own. I gave him a smile and a hug and resumed messing around with him and my two other friends. We each had a beer and a heap of energy drinks and afterwards played a game. We all sat there in a circle laughing at each other's stupidity as none of us really knew what we were doing. Em and David eventually grew tired of the stupidity and decided to leave me and Nick to talk. We did talk, not a lot though. No topic in particular, just topics we randomly chose during our discussion. I couldn't believe I was actually in this situation. I was sitting there, side-by-side with the one person I truly loved, talking about anything and everything, being plain and open to one another. Em and David eventually came back realising that our conversation wasn't private and wasn't going anywhere. Em gave me a couple of looks every now and then and I wondered what she was on about, but I just sat there, still side-by-side with Nick and ignored her strange behaviour. Everyone was growing tired and we started to lounge around becoming more and more lazy by the minute. Nick was lying on the lounge, me sitting at his side, whilst Em and David were squished together on the lounge chair over by the window. I looked down at Nick, his deep brown eyes catching my attention. I hugged him, just there, in the moment, I hugged him. He tore his attention out of the conversation around us and focused it on me. He knew that something was wrong but now wasn't the time to discuss it. He hugged me back and asked me if I was okay. I used the casual excuse of yeah, I'm just tired, but I knew he didn't buy it. I pulled out of the hug, just centimetres away from his face, and again his eyes caught my attention. I didn't know what to expect once I had done this, but I didn't expect him to react the way he did. I kissed him. And he kissed back. An hour had passed and we were still making out, but we didn't care. I thought that this was truly it, I thought he was finally mine, but I didn't realise that this was all in the moment.

*flash back ended*

I snapped out of the flashback and looked back up at David. "Dave, I wish I could just forget him, forget everything that went on, but I really don't think it is that simple. He is special to me, he always has been, he always will be. I cannot just let him go like that, even if wanted to" I spoke with tears in my eyes. I wish that Nick knew what I was talking about; I wish he knew how I felt and understood what I am going through. But he didn't, and he won't. He will just continue his life normally and perfectly, he won't even have a second thought of me.

I stood there, looking at David as he searched for a response. I feel sorry for him. He just wants me to be happy again, to forget that bad things have happened to me and to remember that good things will happen. "Miles, I…" David tried to speak. "No, please, don't try to say sorry. There is nothing to be sorry about. It's not your fault that you can't fix it nor anything you can do about it. Just forget it" I said to stop David from apologising. A single tear fell from my eye as I looked into his. He stepped towards me, ready to comfort, ready to listen, ready to care, but I stepped away. I looked down at the ground and turned away before leaving in silence. I felt bad that I just left him without an explanation, but he didn't understand. He thought everything was so simple, that it's just another little crush, but it isn't. I love him.

I left the picnic and walked over to the playground which was about 500 metres away from Emily and David. I sat down on the swing and went deep into thought again.

*flash back*

I ran down the stairs and toward the swing. Sure I was 15 but when it came to swings and parks, you would think I was 8. I loved parks, they were so peaceful and quiet and always a great place to think. I sat on the swing and gentle swayed back and forth but not quite a proper swing. He stood on the swing next to me, towering over me swaying back and forth. We weren't talking much, there wasn't much to say, it didn't bother me though, we were both there together, enjoying each other's company. He looked at me and gave me a little smile. I loved his smile. His smile wasn't cute, or hot or any of that, it was just plainly different, unique, something that stood out about him. Eventually we started to talk a bit and everything just seemed perfect, like nothing could go wrong. Nothing did go wrong actually. We played on the swings, had a little chat and then lied down under a big tree. The grass was soft underneath my back, the trees swayed in the wind, the sky bright blue. It didn't just seem perfect anymore, it was perfect. I cuddled into Nick and placed my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat reassuring me that this moment was for real. I looked up at him; a smile came to my face as our eyes caught each other's attention. He smiled back as he leaned down and kissed me…

*flashback ends*

I felt another tear run down my cheek as the memory came back. I don't know what I am going to do without Nick. He owned my heart and soul, he made my heart race and gave me butterflies in my stomach. He was the thing that kept me going. I would wake up every morning and push through a day at school, just because it was time I could spend with him. I gave my everything to be with him, but that wasn't enough, maybe it was too much.

"Uh Miles, I think we should get going now" I heard a voice behind me speak. I quickly wiped my face clear of tears and walked back over to the picnic spot to clear up. After we cleaned the mess we made we took a bus back to my place. Em and I talked a bit until her mother took her home and David had left before we got to my door. I was alone after that. I didn't talk to anyone, no one talked to me. I sat there with my music playing, thinking about Nick and our recent events. I felt like taking out my phone and texting some sappy message like baby please give me a chance, I love you but I knew if I texted anything like that he would think that I am a freak. Time passed and it got dark. I opened up my laptop and signed into Facebook and MSN and as normal he was offline. He always was after our fight. He knew what he meant to me, he knew how much I loved him, but never did it matter that he hurt me. He continued life as if nothing happened, he was happy, so happy it made me think that he was happy about what he did to me. I guess I never meant anything to him.

The next day

I woke up and looked at the clock. It read 6:32am. Shit, I was already running late and it was a Monday. I got up and rushed around to get ready. I hated school. I just recently moved schools because of bad experiences at my previous school and truthfully, I wouldn't care if I got bashed once a week at my old school, I would give the world to go back there. Moving schools made me realise that you never truly know what you have until it's gone, so make the most of what you have and when something bad happens, make something good happen and focus on that, not all the bad crap that goes on. I wish I could go back to my old school with my old friends and the shitty education. I now attend an all-girls school with a strict education and strict rules. The people here are nice and I have made lots of new friends, but no one could ever replace my old friends. I finally finished getting ready and I got into the car with my dad. I grabbed my energy bar and ate it in place of my breakfast while I sat there and listened to my iPod as I always did. Every time I was in the car listening to my iPod, that one song that reminded me of Nick always came on. I sat there in silence listening to I wish you were here (Avril Lavigne) and thought about what we had. I would always ask myself the same questions while I thought about him. 'What did I do wrong?', 'was it me, or did he never like me anyway' , they were questions like that, questions that I myself couldn't answer. I got to school and from there, everything felt horrible and miserable except for my lunch breaks when I got to spend some time with my new friends.

I eventually made it through the day, it was a struggle, but I got there. I ran out of my last class, down to my locker and then ran to the train. Train rides were always fun. Me and 4 of my friends took the train together and we always messed around and had fun, but I knew that this afternoon would be more fun than a train ride. I got off the train and then walked up to the local shopping centre where I met David. Despite the fact it seems like David and I got to see each other a lot, we didn't. In fact there would be a week where I would see him quite a lot but then there would be many weeks where we didn't even talk. We were still good friends though. He knew when I was upset and usually he would do everything in his power to help me out. Usually it wouldn't be enough to make my problem go away, but I was grateful to have a friend like him. I walked into the shops and found him near KFC and from there we walked around for a while, ending up in the cinema foyer, sitting on one of the couches. We sat there and talked for a while until he realised that I was sad. I was usually sad, especially since the thing with Nick, but he knew that for some weird reason, I felt more sad than usual. I didn't really know why I felt worse than normal, I just did. "What's wrong Miles?" David asked me. "I don't know, everything is just, hard and painful and I always get hurt, I just, I don't know…" I replied trying to explain how I felt. Truthfully, I don't think I could actually describe how I felt, not by voice, not by writing, not by picture or movie, It was impossible. "I just can't believe he hurt me like he did, I can't believe that after all that he ever did to me, I still love him, I still want to see him and be with him, even though I know that he doesn't want to see or be with me…" I continued trying to explain. "Miles, I don't think that anyone understands how he did that to you, or even why he did that to you. The only thing that I can think of is that he was desperate. He knew that Selena would offer him more, so he chose her over you which is extremely harsh and mean. I mean, your prettier than her, you have a better personality and you know him better, you understand him. She doesn't have any of that, she doesn't even have her virginity and that's exactly why her chose her over you" He comforted me. It made me feel better, a little bit, but like I said, usually what he offered me, wouldn't ever make things the way I wanted them to be. I didn't expect it to though, if they were my problems, I had to find a way to deal with them, I couldn't rely on friends and people around me to fix everything. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. 5:10pm. Shit, why do I always have a thing with being late. "Crap, I need to get home, I'm already running late" I said as I rushed to get everything together and find my bus card. We both got up and walked down to the bus stop. He waited there with me until my bus came and then said goodbye to me. I got on the bus and the whole bus ride home I spent texting him. Okay sure, it sounds like I like him and he likes me, but that's not the case. We are good friends and that is all.

*The weekend*

I woke up and looked at the clock. It read 6:31am. A quick shot of panic ran through my body thinking that I had to go to school but I then realised that it was Saturday morning. I rolled over onto my stomach and looked at the photo frame that sat behind my bed. It held a photo of me and my best friend walking to her house in the rain. As I sat there and looked at the photo I went into deep thought.

*deep thought*

The school bell rung and Demi and I raced out of class. "Finally! I thought the day would never end!" she said as she skipped along the path leading to Mabb St. "I know! Finally I get to spend time with you outside of school!" I gave a little laugh as she continued walking towards the exit with a little hop in her step every now and then. We got out of the school and walked up Mabb St, turned onto Aronia St and then we turned once again onto Brookfield road. We talked heaps as we walked along the path. I looked up at the sky and saw the big black clouds that were rolling in. "I think it might rain soon, maybe we should hurry up a little" I said as I started to walk a bit faster. "Nah, it's okay, I have an umbrella, we'll be fine" She held me back from walking any faster. I gave her a smile and then slowed down to her pace. We had only walked about 10 metres along Brookfield Rd before it started to dump down with rain. We found shelter under a large tree while Demi found out her umbrella. She got it out, put it up and then continued to walk along in front of me. "Uh, Dems?" I yelled as I tried to catch up to her. "I said I have an umbrella, I never said I was going to share it with you!" she laughed and then ran ahead a little more again. "But you're wearing sports uniform and I'm wearing formal! My shirt is going to go see through!" I screamed at her with a little bit of anger even though I knew she wasn't doing this to be mean but just to have a laugh. "Exactly" She said as she looked back and poked her tongue out at me. I death stared her and then continued trailing behind her knowing that Demi wasn't gonna share the umbrella anytime soon. We reached the local shops where her mum worked and spent about an hour walking around the shops despite the fact I was soaking wet and my shirt had gone see through. After we were done skipping around the shops and being complete loons, we walked out to the bus stop and took a bus back to her house. Once we got off the bus it started to rain again and we still had a fair bit of walking to do before we got to her house. I took off my shoes and put them in my bag. I took out my phone and then started to take pictures. Demi hated taking pictures. Despite the fact that she was beautiful, she always insisted that she looked horrible and therefore refused to have her photo taken. I eventually convinced her that we had to at least get one photo of her and me so we stopped about half way along the path to her house and took a picture. We had a lot of fun that afternoon and what was better was that we had Christmas holidays soon and we would get to spend heaps more time together.

Christmas came around and I was struggling to find Demi a present so I decided that instead of buying her something that you could find anywhere, I would get her something special. I went to my computer and found 3 photos of her and me from Halloween and then the one from the afternoon we spent together in the rain and at the shops and printed them out on photo paper. I printed out an extra one from the afternoon in the rain and at the shops for myself as well and then wrapped up Demi's present. Christmas came around and I walked up to Demi's house and gave her the present. She opened it and gave me a big smile and a hug before handing me my present. I opened it up and thought that it was perfect, which it was. It was the best simple present any friend could ever give me. It was a glass photo frame with a black background and written in the bottom right corner it read 'friends' in silver writing. It had two love hearts on it and both were lined with crystal dymonities. I returned the smile and hug she gave me and then I left to go home to be with my family. I got home and found the photo of me and Demi in the rain that I had printed when I printed Demi's present and then slipped it into the photo frame that she just gave me. It looked amazing. Every time I looked up and saw the photo frame and picture, I couldn't help but smile. I knew that Demi was a great friend, a friend that I would never lose.

*deep thinking ends*

I put the photo frame down and picked up the photos that I placed at the bottom of the photo frame and flicked through them one by one. There was one photo that I took. It read 'I miss you' on a blue lined note book in green pen, with a little red heart drawn above it. The next photo was very similar but instead read 'I love you' with a red heart directly above it and then a red, pink and led pencil placed next to it. I considered those two photo's the best photos I had taken, therefore I had printed them. The next photo was another one that I really liked. It was a photo of a red rose next to a white one, but the red rose being the focus. I had edited it so that it was in cross process and then wrote across the bottom right corner 'Valentine's Day 2011'. The last photo was my favourite, but it made me quite upset. It was a photo of me and Nick on New Year's Day. We were sitting on the couch together and while we were kissing, David decided to sneak a photo. I don't think that Nick ever saw the photo but I had it and I held onto it like it was the last thing on this earth that meant anything to me. I put the photo down and then went over to my laptop. I logged onto Facebook and started to talk to Nick. I started talking to him expecting that everything was fine, but it wasn't. He told me that heard about what I said/did to Selena and that he didn't want to be friends anymore. If he hadn't completely broken my heart before, he had now. To lose him as a lover was hard. To lose him as my best friend was a million times worse. I hadn't said anything to Selena, in fact I wouldn't give a shit if she got hit by a bus tomorrow, so in other words, I never talked to her. But Nick insisted that what Selena had told him was true. That I had called her up and abused her and all this crap. I couldn't believe that my own best friend turned on me because of some lie…

Okay, this is a new story that I have been working on at school in my class time :S which I probably shouldn't have, but! This story is based on my 2010-2011 experience that has really affected me, so I decided to type it up into a Niley story and share it with you all :)

I hope you enjoy it and leave any comments you like!

Rach xx