A/N: Thanks to my beta Mika for putting up with my mental rants and outrageous ideas, but most of all encouraging me to write. YOU inspire me.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, this is the world of Ms. C Harris - I just happen to visit a lot and take liberties with her Viking.
Sookie,
I find myself wanting to confess my soul to you, but I fear that there is no soul to bare worthy of you. Most of all, I fear our time is ending.
Should I never remember this, should I never know of the joy we've shared again. Just know, time may never be kind to us, but I shall forever cherish this time with you.
This part me of was born the night you found me. You have branded me from inside dear lover, and I hope that light will lead me to find you always.
Eternally yours,
Eric
…
The paper was tear-stained and crumpled from abuse. I often balled it up and tossed it into the garbage before quickly rushing to get it back. I would try to uncrumple the note it as best as I could, only to repeat it again at some point later. It had been months since his scent washed from my sheets but his shadow still haunted me. I couldn't decide what was worse, that I still had his shadow following me through the motions of our time together, or the lack of the actual shadow popping in and out of my life in person?
Setting in on the swing, staring out at the bright moon above and feeling the mist roll in low to ground, I pulled out the notebook I had stuffed his notes into.
I found the stack of notes on Gran's old desk after Eric left. Just random notes to himself, reminding him of new discoveries he wanted to remember while he was alone. I didn't realize how long he must have been up without me; I guess Buffy could only hold the attention of a vampire his age for so long. With endless nights stretched out before him, it would be pretentious (a word of the day) of me to imagine he would have stayed in bed holding me while I slept.
Running my fingers over his bold script I could feel his angst and the struggle he had with everything so unfamiliar around him.
Things I know
The woman Sookie is beautiful and kind.
Have I bedded her? Will she let me continue to share her bed in order to have sex with her?
How like him to ask about the nitty gritty and ruin a perfect sentiment.
I have a childe named Pam. Pam is loyal. Sookie trusts Pam, I shall trust Pam.
Sookie's brother is not a man. I shall be her champion now.
I know my brother loves me. Jason just has a selfish way in showing it. On another note, Eric must have been listing his likes and dislikes.
True Blood sucks.
I always giggle reading this line.
I will not like Bill. Sookie has feelings for Bill.
Her scent is of sweet sunshine.
The depths of her eyes, it is not quite like staring into my own but it is unsettling.
Looking up from the night to the moon, I shivered from the thought of Eric's gaze. I have always felt like a morsel to be devoured when Eric's eyes followed me. As though he's imprinting my moves and memorizing the sight of me into the recess of his mind like a predator about to pounce upon his prey. I always wondered why he never did. I had caught a brief glimpse of his old self in his eyes while I was telling him how I staked Lorena, fascination sparkled from them but I agree… his eyes so similar to mine but not familiar enough. It was very unsettling. I know he's never seen me naked until recently, but Eric Northman knew how to make a hot blooded girl feel naked in her natural glory all the while covered head to toe in a parka!
She mumbles my name in her sleep.
Feelings.
Even now I couldn't get him out of my head, has he always been there? When did this happen, was it in Dallas when he tricked me into sucking out the bullet? Was it from that kiss on the roof of his car in the woods? When did he become that little sprinkle of life humming in the silence of night? I didn't need to be near him to feel him part of me. I would be lying if I didn't yearn for him to just pop up and demand some ridiculous favor. It would be an excuse to be near him. Even now, I feel him moving about his night. He woke early right after sunset, and hasn't stopped since; I wonder what he's doing. I wonder if he's thinking of me as much as I'm thinking of him. Damn blood Bond.
It was one thing to sense his actions but it was another to know what he was thinking.
Feelings.
Did he like or dislike feelings? Did he have feelings for me? Oh silly Sookie. Eric Northman thinks of Eric Northman first. Why would a backwoods barmaid inspire the big bad vampire to feel?
Fucking Eric.
Enough talking to the moon tonight, it's not like there is ever an answer. I got up to go inside, as I passed the coat rack I brushed the cranberry coat Eric had sent after I last saw him. He picked this; he picked this with me on his mind. Damn the man! If he didn't like having feelings, he had a funny way of showing it. Stubborn - high handed bastard - idiot.
I passed the mirror and stopped – who are you kidding, I'm the idiot. As if I wasn't already wound so tight, like it or not – Eric Northman is going to see me tonight.