The Absolute Silence
A/N In the novel, on page 258, top of the page, as Spock rushes to Nyota after his return from the Narada, Bones hears something uttered by Nyota. Her words are not revealed to us but Bones promises himself that he would take her words to his grave-Maybe these were her words.
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His forehead touched hers and he whispered, "I will be back."
His hand was holding her skin to skin at her neck, his other hand was below her waist, holding her close. A kiss he had initiated was warm upon her lips.
She had set up her shields. While not a true telepath, he had instructed her in ways she could refine her latent talents. After time and practice her skills were now enhanced. At this point, while in contact with her Vulcan bondmate, at this crucial time, secrets were permitted.
She looked up into his eyes, could he read her doubt? Could he know her fear? Did he know of her resolve? She was sure she had hidden it from him. She had finally learned how to do that.
"I will be monitoring your frequency," was her promise to him.
"Thank you Nyota," was his whispered reply.
Her palms caressed and her head leaned upon his solid chest. She willed herself not to cry. His last sight of her could not mirror fear, for that might well be how he would visualize her at his end.
She turned her now moist eyes toward the captain and hurried out of the transporter room.
At her console earlier she had outlined how she would carry out her promise to herself. It was not logical, but it was reasonable.
She was in Spock's embrace on his bed. He was gently stroking her face with the back of his hand. They were finally bonded. She now felt his presence completely. His thoughts were open to her as her's were to him.
She reached up and caressed his face and verbally asked him the question that was haunting her.
"Spock, how is the bond broken?"
"A healer can break the bond. It is a complicated process. The healer prevents any damage to either party."
"Spock, what kind of damage can occur?"
"If the bond is not broken in proven consecutive steps damage results of a dire nature. Remnants of the bond, left in error cause serious problems A partial bond is a serious mental disturbance-disembodied thoughts and visions. On the other hand, if the bond is snaped, broken by the bondmates death the resulting condition Vulcans call, 'The Absolute Silence, The Roaring Silence. When that bondmate's presence is silenced, gone, half of the survivor's soul and heart is also gone because it had been bound up with the deceased bondmate. It is the ultimate tragedy. We will see a record number of suicides within the coming months. It is not the way of logic, but because of the emptiness of this void, because the bondmate's presence is suddenly silenced, it is an understandable response to the mental agony."
Spock said all of this without any change in his face, his voice or posture. That was the way things were, nothing could be done. Kaildth -What is, is. Each Vulcan must seek his own way of peace in face of the overwhelming tragedy.
She was a strong woman. She had seen tragedy before. The wars that threatened her nation before there was the uniting. The orphans, the broken families. The destroyed landscape. All of this had been carefully recorded and documented so it would not be forgotten.
On the Enterprise, a star ship, all had been trained, prepared and conditioned to deal with the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the incomprehensible, which had occurred with Vulcan's collapse into nothingness.
Even so, everything else shrunk into insignificance when she considers her next private act. It is a personal decision, and a well thought out one at that.
As she now looked at her beloved there was no doubt in her mind that a lifeless, joyless life would be no life at all. Half of anything, had never been good enough for her in any of her endeavors, and life without Spock would equal a joyless existence. Better to join him in the atoms of the cosmos in nothingness, then to live a shadow of a life here.
After Spock's and Captain Kirk's beam down she made her way to her room and reached into a box in the back of her closet. She had prepared letters for all of those she loved. There was even one there for Spock, just in case something happened to her on an away mission. She unpacked the long white dress carefully stored in a garment bag. This she had hoped to be her wedding dress. Now everything was in readiness. The tablets would allow her to sleep away.
Over the com came Sulu's voice. "Lieutenant Uhura, to transporter room one.
She was running blindly, tears clouded her eyes. As she raced down the corridor crowded with medical personal and equipment, she entered the room just in time to see him materialize and he came to her. He was momentarily distracted and did not hear her whisper,
"Death will not embrace me tonight."
Her statement was followed by a low sob, Spock turned and took her hand and they rushed to the bridge.
Her barely audible words, to which Spock was not privy, were heard by the Chief Medical Officer who vowed to take those words with him to his grave. They were the expressions of a young woman's love and fear, coming from the womb of terror and helplessness. Her secret was safe with him.
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