She read the letter again, her mouth whispering no. She started trembling, the letter shaking in her hand so she could no longer read the words. Yet she kept reading, memorizing every word, willing it to disappear from the paper and never come back. It didn't work that way, life didn't work that way.
Her breath stopped in her throat. The letter fell from her fingers into the pumpkin juice she just knocked over. She could hear her friends call after her as she ran away through the hall, but she didn't acknowledge them, she couldn't. It seemed ages before she finally reached the doors of the Great hall. They flew open on their own and she continued. The doors clicked back in their lock and she let go of her breath, her first sob.
She ran not knowing to where. Often she ran into the edge of a wall or an armor, but she didn't care. In her haste she slipped on the stairs and tumbled down, twisting her ankle and receiving a large cut on her cheek but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. She deserved the pain.
She ran on, barely feeling the pain in her ankle every step. She slammed a door open and ran up yet another stair. The stair went on forever, going in everlasting circles. Like the circle of life, which only ends in death. She fell against the walls as she ran but pushed on. Her shoulders were probably bruised. Red blood dripped of her chin and ran over her neck but it didn't matter.
She threw her already bruised shoulder against a door and it flew open, sending her sprawling into the tower. For a moment she laid there broken, taking deep gulps of air as the tears just didn't stop. It was her fault, the freaks fault. She pulled herself up and gazed down over the edge. Normally she got dizzy when doing so but now she felt nothing. Life was over. Still shaking she crawled on the edge and stood up carefully. This wasn't going to end by a mistake like falling down, no she was doing this herself. She deserved it, they died because of her. A last sob escaped her lips, then she forced the tears away.
Death would receive her with her head held high, chin up and eyes dry. She didn't need sadness, in a few minutes she would see those that loved her again. There was no place for sadness, only happiness. And so she smiled, even though tears tracks and blood still covered her face.
"Lily…" That voice? Was it an angel calling for her? Or someone stopping her. She always hated people telling her what to do and almost always did the exact opposite. But the voice stayed silent and didn't order her around and for that she was grateful. She gazed up to the stars, that for once weren't covered with clouds. A beautiful night to die.
"Lily…I love you." She kept gazing at the stars not caring anymore.
"No one loves me." Her voice no longer belonged to her. It sounded hoarse and ready to die. Once she had sang with it, laughed with it, made jokes with it but now that was gone.
"I do more than anything." No hesitation in the voice, no quiver, no nothing. Was there hope?
"I can't carry on without you Lily." Lily…the name her parents gave her. Those who were dead gave her, those she loved. She couldn't carry on without them either. Petunia wouldn't miss her, no Petunia would be released, perhaps even happy.
"No one will miss me. No one will notice." She mumbled, lowering her eyes to the grounds beneath her. The lake was truly beautiful, reflecting the stars and moon.
"I will. I'll miss the way we argue, the way you smile, the fact you're smarter than me. I'll notice your empty seat in class and that your smart answers are no longer there. I'll miss gazing in your eyes and getting lost." Who? Why would anyone care for her? She was a freak, a murderer.
She heard soft footsteps. Strong warm arms wrapped around her. " I love you Lily." A soft whisper came and she broke. She fell back into his arms. He sat down with her on his lap. He let her cry and softy stroked her hair. He didn't say it was fine. He knew she wouldn't believe him, it wouldn't matter for her now. So he just held her close, never letting go.
She'd stay with him from now on. He'd take care of her and make sure she was loved. She'd be fine. He would make sure of that. And then her sobbing slowed down, her breaths became even and she gazed up, her emerald eyes filled with tears. She gazed up in his hazel eyes. She had known who it was from the very beginning. He gently stroked a last tear away as she whispered his name.
"James…"