There's still goo covering the disclaimer saying I don't own any Invader Zim characters. This is the third and final installment in the Goo series. BECAUSE THIS IS MADNESS!
Goo Tell Someone Who Cares
"This is it! This is it! This is the plan that will finally work!" Red cackled. "This time there's no way Zim can screw this up! And we'll be rid of him for good!"
"Red, I'm getting kind of worried about you…" Purple gulped.
"He'll be gone! Gone! Gone!" Red laughed madly.
"He won't be the only one," Purple's antennae drooped.
"Zim is gonna die!" Red sang and danced around. "Zim is gonna die! Hi ho the dairy oh! Zim is gonna die!"
"Red we really need to talk," Purple said. The technicians on the Massive looked very worried as they watched one of their leaders go insane.
"Zim is gonna die! Zim is gonna die! Hi ho the dairy ooooooooooooooh! Zim is gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeee !" Red sang dramatically.
"Red! Irk to Red! Come in Red!" Purple shouted.
"Huh? Oh sorry Purple I was just thinking on how today's the day Zim is going to die," Red said cheerfully.
"Red now listen to me," Purple put his hand on Red's shoulder. "You know I'm your best friend. And I hate Zim just as much as you do. But you're kind of creeping me out here. You're getting obsessed!"
"Obsessed? Obsessed! The crazy little maniac is ruining our lives piece by piece and wrecking our empire! Of course I'm obsessed!" Red snapped. "But this time! This time my plan to get rid of Zim will work! I know it!"
"Red we've tried this before. So many times…" Purple moaned.
"Yeah well Zim's luck has to run out sometime! And today is the day!" Red snapped. "Today is the day we reassign him!"
"Reassign him?" Purple asked.
"Yes. Reassign him. To Planet Goo," Red grinned.
"Planet Goo?" Purple asked.
"It's brilliant in it's simplicity! Look at this little PowerPoint demonstration," Red showed the monitor with pictures of Zim and his plan. "Here's Zim. Here's the Planet Goo. The stickiest planet in the universe. This planet is not only a major tourist attraction, it's where we get our most powerful weapon, ammo for our Stick 'em Goo Guns! Where we use the guns to helplessly trap the population when we take over the planet."
"Uh huh…" Purple blinked.
"Now here is Zim being transferred to Goo. Here is Zim being taken to a very remote and very sticky location on Goo by our operatives on that planet!" Red continued the presentation. "Here are our operatives leaving Zim stuck in goo! Here is Zim trapped in the goo! Unable to get out! And he will stay in that goo until he dies!"
"Wait you're gonna stick him in goo? And wait for him to die?" Purple asked. "That's your plan?"
"Uh huh."
"Your plan is to trap Zim in goo and let him die a slow painful death."
"That's right."
"Trapping him in goo. With no way out. It could be weeks before he dies."
"Maybe even a month depending on how charged his PAK is!"
"So your plan is to trap Zim in goo and let him suffer a long slow torturous death by starvation, exposure and occasional target practice by the tourists?"
"Bingo!"
"I like it," Purple said. "I like it."
"I thought you would," Red said proudly.
"Too bad it won't work," Purple sighed.
"What do you mean it won't work? What makes you think this plan won't work?" Red snapped.
"Experience," Purple said.
"Oh for crying out loud…"
"Red I don't know how he does it, but every time we come up with a plan to banish him or kill him or get him out of the way he comes back and ruins it!" Purple moaned.
"But not this time!" Red said. "That's the beauty of it!"
"He's gonna ruin it."
"How? How is Zim gonna ruin this plan?"
"I don't know. That's part of the fun," Purple said sarcastically. "We never know how he does it until he does it. But he will ruin it! I know it. I can feel it in my skoodledot."
"You and your skoodledot!" Red rolled his eyes.
"Hey! Do not mock the skoodledot!" Purple snapped. "The skoodledot knows all! It helped us become Tallest! Remember?"
"Here we go…" Red grumbled. "The one time you got lucky…"
"One time huh? You wanted to rush to the Ceremony of the Choosing because you were afraid you wouldn't get a good seat. My skoodledot told me to take our time and get there later. Remember? And what happened Red?"
"Oh for crying out…."
"Refresh my memory, Red. Tell me what happened?" Purple snapped. "Go ahead."
"You know what happened!"
"Tell me anyway!"
"Zim tried some stupid stunt to become Tallest and…" Red winced.
"And all the other candidates got blown up!" Purple snapped. "If it wasn't for my skoodledot we wouldn't be the Tallest! We'd be the Flattest! Or the Splattest. Whatever it is you call those meat splatters on a wall."
"You always have to remind me of that don't you?" Red snapped. "You always have to bring that up!"
"Yes I do! My skoodledot was right then and it's right now! It knows that this plan, however brilliant…Will fail!" Purple waved his arms. "So don't come crying to me when this plan falls to pieces. I am listening to my skoodledot. I am staying out of this!"
"Fine! Go ahead!" Red snapped.
"I'm out!" Purple said.
"Stay out! More Zim torture for me!" Red yelled.
"You're welcome to it!" Purple said. "If you can find any!"
"Ha!"
"But you won't!"
"Yes, I will!"
"No, you won't!"
"That's what you think huh?"
"That's what my skoodledot knows!" Purple corrected.
"Your skoodledot knows squat!" Red snapped.
"I beg to differ," Purple huffed. "It knows more than you do!"
"Oh yeah? Well you can take your skoodledot and shove it up your…" Red yelled.
"My Tallest! We have a transmission from Planet Goo! There's been a disaster!" A technician called out.
"A disaster? What kind of disaster?" Red did a double take.
"Here we go…" Purple said.
"There is no more goo on Planet Goo," The technician called out.
"What do you mean there's no more goo on Planet Goo?" Red shouted. "There has to be goo on Planet Goo! If there is no goo then there is no Planet Goo! It'd be…Planet Not Goo!"
"There's just no more, my Tallest. It's gone," The Technician told him.
"Still think my skoodledot knows squat, Red?" Purple smirked.
"Shut up Purple," Red snapped.
"So uh tell us exactly how did Zim do this? What part in this tragedy did he play?" Purple asked.
"Oh come on! Even Zim couldn't…." Red snapped. There was a look on the technician's face. "No…"
"We have…Security footage of the disaster…" The Technician gulped. "I think you'd better see it for yourselves."
Red's eyes widened as he watched the footage. "ZIM!" He shouted in rage.
"And the score is Red: Zero…. Skoodledot: Two," Purple mocked.
"HOW? I MEAN HOW….?" Red yelled.
"Well sir as you can see he used his hyper drive improperly and…." The Technician began.
"I can see how he did it you idiot! I'm not blind!" Red yelled.
"I knew it," Purple sighed. "I knew this would fail."
"Shut your skoodledot up!" Red snapped.
"The skoodledot knows!" Purple went on. "It always knows!"
"The skoodledot is gonna get it's teeth kicked in if it doesn't shut up!" Red snapped. "Call Zim now!"
"Sure! Let's bottom this whole day out!" Purple waved his arms.
"Zim! Zim! Come in Zim! Where are you, you little…" Red snarled.
Zim appeared. He seemed to have bits of pink goo on his clothes and head. "My Tallest! Uh I was not expecting your call! I just got in from my…"
"No don't tell me, let me guess!" Red interrupted. "Latest brilliant plan for taking over the Earth?"
"Uh….Yes?" Zim blinked. "How did you know?"
"I CAN SEE THE GOO ALL OVER YOU!" Red yelled. "THAT'S HOW I KNOW! I ALSO KNOW IT'S YOUR FAULT GOO IS DESTROYED!"
"What do you mean?" Zim asked innocently.
"Don't play dumb with me Zim! You're too good at it!" Red snapped. "You took all the goo from Planet Goo and did I don't know what with it!"
"Not all of it…" Zim gulped.
"Really? Wanna bet?" Red snapped. "Bring up the pictures! See we got these images off of the security cameras! There's you! There's your robot! There's…Well I don't know what those are but there they are with you on Goo! And that's you and them in your Voot Cruiser with all that goo stuck to it and…Well I think even you can see where this is going!"
"My skoodledot knew where this was going a long time ago," Purple remarked.
"Look! Take a look at the destruction you have caused! Goo is no longer covered in Goo! It's so barren we can't call it Planet Goo any more!" Red snapped. "We have to call it Planet No Goo! What kind of a tourist attraction is that?"
"Not to mention our supply of goo for our weapons is gone," Purple nodded. "So uh, Zim. How exactly is this plan using goo and world domination working out? Did you cover the entire planet in goo and stick everything up?"
"Yes! Yes I did!" Zim said proudly. "Everything was covered in goo."
"Was covered in goo?" Red raised an antennae. "As in past tense? As in it is no longer covered in goo?"
"Well uh yes…" Zim gulped. "Apparently this planet has unusual natural defenses that uh…dissolve the goo."
"So there is no more goo?" Red asked. "Is that what you are telling me? That you, Zim…Wrecked an entire planet as well as part of Irk's economy and a major source of weaponry for nothing? That's what you are saying? IS THAT IT ZIM?"
"Uh oh I uh…Gotta go my Tallest! My base is being attacked by…." Zim looked nervous.
"SQUIRRELS!" Gir chirped.
"YES! SQUIRRELS! Fire breathing squirrels!" Zim nodded quickly.
"And a big ear of corn!" Gir stuck his head in front of the monitor.
"YES! Corn of Doom! Popcorn everywhere! Bye Tallest!" Zim shut off the communicator.
"Well I hate to say I told you so…" Purple remarked. "No wait. I don't hate it. I'm glad I get to tell you I told you so! In fact I'm so glad to tell you that I'm going to do a little dance and sing! I told you so! I told you so!" Purple danced around. "I told you so!"
"I've got a pain in my skoodledot…" Red moaned.