Hello Readers,
This is the result of my procrastination from another multi-chap fic I'm working on.
In the meantime, this is my first Harry Potter-fic and I'm quite excited! I'm a sucker for Jily so this kind of just happened.
Please R&R.
Disclaimer: JKR owns it all.
Lily Evans used to pray. Late at night she'd fold her hands, close her eyes and whisper into the night. When she was younger, she'd ask for more chocolate and sunny days so she could play outside. The older she got the more serious her wishes turned. However, at seventeen years, Lily Evans no longer prayed. The thought struck her as she stood on the doorstep to the Potter mansion.
She hadn't realized the moment she'd stopped praying but as she stood in front of the large and undeniably beautiful mansion it occurred to her that she had stopped praying. The thought made her sad. It was natural - she argued with herself - that a war would somehow do this to a person and strip them of their optimism. She just couldn't believe she'd let He Who Must Not Be Named take her hope, as well.
Lily had always seen herself as a positive person. Her whole persona was built on the idea that good would always success over evil. However, a certain dark wizard whose growing attention meant that she always heard about the terrible things he did, was the culprit. She was sure of it.
That, and the mere act of growing up.
Lily felt at unease as she stood on the doorstep. That, of course, could also be blamed on the fact that she was about to knock on James Potter's door.
She still wasn't sure why she'd come here. Scratch that. She still wasn't willing to admit why'd she come here. She knew why. Even as she daily tried to ignore why, her best friend, Alice, had taken to send her weekly letters over the summer. They all focused on the same thing; the idea that Lily Evans was incurably smitten with the Gryffindor Quidditch captain. Lily always replied her best friend with sarcastic comments that more than often involved the Giant Squid and comments on its physique.
She was terribly aware of the fact that she'd come here willingly. That, of all the places in the world she could've sought refuge, this was the one she'd chosen.
Lily tugged at the tulle skirt of her dress. Lily Evans was a pretty girl. Not by average standards, though. She wasn't incredibly tall. Her legs didn't run for miles. Despite all that, she had wavy, dark red hair that framed a fair, freckled face and two deep green eyes. Lily Evans wasn't beautiful by normal standards, she was beautiful because she didn't fit the standards.
However, she didn't feel particularly beautiful tonight. That was due to a number of factors. First, the fact that she was wearing a blush-coloured tulle dress. Sure, the bodice framed her waist perfectly. It was the colour that did it though. It looked terrible against her red hair. Lily had a feeling that this colour had been chosen with the sole purpose to make Lily Evans look like she hadn't seen the sun all her life.
The blush-coloured dress made her fair skin look sickly pale and more than one guest at the wedding had asked Lily if she felt ill. It didn't help that she had cried off most of her mascara, either.
Lily felt her stomach turn. Ugh, the wedding. The awful, obnoxious, frill-filled wedding of her awful sister Petunia and her even worse boyfriend-now-husband Vernon Dursley. Lily had been at odds with her sister every day since her letter from Hogwarts had arrived. Tonight, had been the final drop. The moment that the Evans sisters' relationship received a killing blow and could not be saved. The thought made tears form in Lily's eyes, but she closed them and forced herself to breathe in and out. She'd cried for the past two hours. She'd apparated from the wedding to her house and had done her mourning. Then, she'd come here.
She still ignored the reason why. She was painfully aware that she had lost her sister forever, and she wasn't in the mood to start interpreting her confusing emotions toward a messy-haired boy. He would not turn her away. That was the only thing that mattered in this moment.
Lily took another deep breath and used the moment to compose herself. She tried to pull and tuck at the dress but knew she couldn't possibly make it look better. She closed her eyes. She allowed herself one moment to consider that she could still turn around and walk away. He would never know that she'd been here. They would just see each other come September and be nothing but friends. No one would ever have to know about this particular moment of weakness – or was it clarity?
Lily raised her hand and knocked on the door.
A woman with greying hair and brown eyes opened the door. She looked quite surprised to see Lily on her doorstep, but a small smile formed on the woman's face.
"Oh, good evening dear. Did my sons invite you?"
Only then did Lily notice the soft waves of music and the constant noise of chatter that emerged from the opened door.
"N-no" Lily stammered. Behind the woman two men in dress robes passed and Lily realized she must have interrupted something, "I wasn't invited"
"Just here for a visit then?" the woman had kind eyes and after Lily had watched them for a moment, it was clear to her that this was James Potter's mother. A moment of bravery and a bit of intuition led Lily to introduce herself.
"I'm Lily Evans" Lily offered, and reached out her hand. As she had suspected the woman's eyes grew wide with recognition – and maybe a bit of disbelief – and an even bigger smile formed on the woman's lips.
"Lily! How wonderful! I'm Euphemia Potter" Mrs. Potter told Lily and ignored her outreached hand and hugged her instead. Lily felt a little baffled by the amount of affection she received from the woman but hoped it didn't show on her face.
"I'm sorry if I interrupted something" Lily then told Mrs. Potter and gestured to the house.
"Don't be silly. I'm sure my son will be happy to see you. Please, come in" Mrs. Potter stepped aside to allow Lily inside the mansion. The comment on James made her smile and Lily couldn't remember a time James hadn't been happy to see her. She felt a blush creep her cheeks at the thought.
"You have a lovely house" Lily said. She'd racked her brain for something her mother would want her to say and that was the first thing that came to mind.
Mrs. Potter smiled at Lily's comment and gestured for her to follow her. Lily followed the woman down a hall and up a staircase. After a moment and a few turns Lily realized she better enjoy staying here because she was quite certain she could not find her way out even if she tried.
Mrs. Potter finally stopped in front of a door and knocked twice. Lily was out of view from the people inside and remained in place as Mrs. Potter stuck her head inside.
"James-"
"Mum, we'll be right out! One more game and we'll be down!" James' enthusiastic voice told his mum. Lily mused at how much he might've sounded like a seven-year-old rather than a seventeen-year-old.
"James, you have a visitor" Mrs. Potter informed him. She turned back to Lily and offered a small smile then stepped out of the way to allow Lily to walk in.
Lily had seen James in a number of different moods. She had an ability to rile him up like no other person could. After they'd become friends in sixth year, she'd seen a less inflated and far more kind, loyal and attractive side of him.
She'd thought she'd seen just about every version of James Potter there was, but she was wrong. For the first time since the two had met, James was rendered speechless. He stared open-mouthed at the redheaded girl in front of him. He was sitting on the floor of what must have been his room. Sirius Black sat across from him and the two appeared to be playing Exploding Snap.
Sirius' face turned into a wide grin as he took in Lily. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but just then Mrs. Potter spoke again.
"Sirius, why don't you come downstairs. I need help in the kitchen" they all seemed to know this was a lie. Mrs. Potter had eleven house elves, who never needed help. However, Sirius got the message. He got up from the floor and stepped around Lily. The door closed behind him, and a small thud announced that Lily and James were now completely alone.
Of course, Lily could remember the last and only other time they'd been alone together. It was the very last night of sixth year and she and James had sat together in the Gryffindor common room and chatted until the early morning.
"Lily" James said. He got up from the floor in a fast, awkward manner and continued to stare at her like she was the very last person he'd excepted to see in his room. With the exception of Snape, she probably was.
"Hello" she said in a small voice. She felt as if she'd left her courage on the doorstep. She sounded nothing like the brave Gryffindor she was supposed to be, and she cleared her throat.
"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, "Not that I'm not happy to see you! I'm always happy to see you! I just hadn't expected to see you here. At my house" James Potter was usually a well-functioning wizard, but it seemed to dim abundantly in the presence of Lily Evans.
She smiled as she felt oddly comforted by his undone state.
"I went to my sister's wedding today" she told him. The simple words made him look sympathetic instantly, which helped her feel a bit better already. She had ranted to him, well not to him, but in his presence about her sister before. He was well aware of their relationship or the absolute lack thereof.
"I'm sorry" he responded, which she hadn't expected but should have. She felt an incontrollable wave of giggles hit her and before she could stop herself she laughed loudly. James appeared taken aback by this response and rather than to join her laugh, he watched her curiously.
"It's so daft!" she said in between giggles. His words had been perfect for the situation, but Lily couldn't help but think about how mad it was that that had been his first response when she mentioned her sister's wedding.
"Was it awful?" James asked once the giggles had subsided a little. He watched her with furrowed brows and seemed unsure on how to act around her.
Lily's giggles died out. She felt tears sting her eyes again, but unlike before she hadn't the energy to avoid them any longer. James noticed the moment she began to cry and took two long strides so that he could wrap his arms around her.
"She h-hates me" Lily sobbed into his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his hips and leaned into him. He smelled like mint toothpaste and expensive cologne and James and in that moment, Lily knew she had made the right choice to come here.
"I don't think it's possible to hate you" he responded softly. She could feel his thumb rub circles on her back and it was impossibly nice.
"She can"
"Let's look at the facts, shall we?" James said, "You're a prefect. You help brew potions for Madam Pomfrey, you help the younger students with their homework and let's not pretend it wasn't you who put that vomiting potion in Amos Diggory's pumpkin juice after he dumped MacDonald last year. Did I forget anything?"
Lily sniffed once, "I was made Head Girl"
James pulled away to look at her face and offered her his signature grin. It had changed a little over the years. It had lost some of its complacency and turned quite charming. It had also learned the act of turning Lily's knees weak and all this combined made it impossible for Lily not to smile back at him in that moment.
"You're going to be just fine" James told her and brushed her cheek.
"Thank you, James" she told him truthfully, "I don't know what I'd have done if…well, if I hadn't been able to come to you"
"You always can" he told her and of course he meant it. She was sure of it. It had been just a few months ago when Lily had first realised that all his attempts at her affection had been earnest. She used to think that she was just a game to him. She used to refuse to believe that he ever fancied her, but merely wanted to prove that he could get whatever girl he wanted. It was Sirius who'd finally convinced her that James had meant it every single time – Lily had lost count on how many– that he'd asked her out.
"Thank you" she repeated because she meant it just as much in those moments. She looked back up at him, "Would it be okay if I stay here tonight?"
"More than okay" he assured her happily.
She felt a weight lift off her shoulders and she a strong surge of belonging filled her as she stood in his firm grip.
"Lily?" he asked, the mischievous grin was back on his face.
"Yeah?"
"That dress is ghastly" he told her, and this made her laugh heartily.
Lily and James stayed in his room and talked. James had apparated to the kitchen and back and managed to get them some munchies and something to drink. Lily told James about her sister's wedding down to every last puffy detail. She felt much better when she talked about it. He laughed especially hard when she told him that she'd thrown a glass of champagne into the face of a little too handy groomsman.
Since the moment Lily had been invited to the wedding, she'd felt as if her stomach had knotted uncomfortably. She had only been invited because her mother had insisted that she be, and Petunia had purposely left Lily out of the wedding. At the church, she had been placed in the back next to Vernon's great-grandmother who smelled as strangely as she looked.
Lily frowned as she thought back on the day and then met the brown, brown eyes of James Potter. She couldn't believe that of all the people in the world, he was the only one she wanted to be around in this moment.
Alice was going to have a bloody field day when she found out that Lily had come here.
Sirius re-joined them after a while. He'd nicked a bottle of champagne from the party and the bottle made a round as they all drank directly from its neck.
"So, this is the club for messed up families, eh?" Sirius said once Lily had explained what she was doing there.
Lily half-smiled, "It appears so"
"Oi, then I can't be here!" James complained loudly.
"Of course, you can! I'm your family, aren't I?" Sirius asked James, who smiled happily at the comment.
"Yes, you are".
"If you lot want to be alone just let me know" Lily told the boys. Sirius smirked at her while James rolled his eyes but managed to do so almost lovingly.
"Speaking of, Lily-flower, can you explain why of all the wizards in the world, you picked dear Jamesy to come and rant to?"
Lily knew she had to be blushing as both boys turned their attention to her. Sirius had his whole devil-may-care attitude all checked in place, but James looked almost guarded as he looked at her. She wasn't sure what to say. It wasn't as easy being honest with the both of them together, as she found it to be when she was with them separately. She looked down at the champagne bottle in her hand.
"I knew you'd have alcohol" she replied smoothly, perhaps feeling a little inspired, and took a big gulp from the bottle. Sirius laughed approvingly and took the bottle from her hand. James, however, still watched her face. He seemed as if he searched for something. Lily met his eyes. Whatever he had looked for he seemed to have found it, because he wore a tiny smile on his lips as he watched her.
Lily would never admit it if asked, but she had counted down the minutes until Sirius fell asleep.
The moment she heard loud, confirming snores from his bed she sat up in her own. Well, it was James' bed, but he had insisted that he take the floor and she sleep in his. It had increasingly become clear to Lily from the disagreeable knot in her stomach that this was not how she had hoped the night would go.
Encouraged by James' acceptance of her surprise show-up tonight and the champagne she had drunk, she slipped her foot out from her duvet and poked the dark figure on the floor.
James instantly sat up.
"Lily? Are you okay?" James asked. She could hear him fumble for his glasses, and a moment later she heard the floorboards creak as he made his way to her.
The moment he was in front of her, Lily did not hesitate for another moment and did what she had felt compelled to for the past two hours. She pulled on his arm and brought his lips down to hers.
Kissing James Potter was like the first rays of sunshine after a long winter. It was hearing your favourite song and knowing exactly when to sing along. It was like summer nights and firewhiskey. Warm and hot and irresistible once you'd tried it once. That's how Lily felt as she kissed the spectacled boy.
In this moment, the only thing Lily dared to pay attention to was James and the way he kissed her. Lily had always thought a kiss was just a kiss. She'd kissed boys before, granted not that many, but enough that she'd felt herself to capably talk about the act of kissing.
However, as James' lips moved against hers, she knew she had never been kissed this good before. Her heart was racing in her chest. The feel of his hands in her hair sent chills down her spine. All her bodily reactions were foreign and exciting to her and they had all been manifested by James, and James alone. Give her a roll of parchment and a quill and she'd be able to write a novel about how it felt to be kissed by James Potter. No other boy made her feel this way and she wasn't nearly ready to quit, when aforementioned boy pulled away from her.
"Why did you do that?" James asked her a little breathlessly. His voice was hoarse and much closer than she had expected.
"Because I couldn't not" she whispered back.
James sat down on the mattress next to her.
"James?"
"Hm?"
"Stay with me?" she asked. Somehow all her fretful emotions managed to sneak into those three little words. She knew he would have to be able to hear the enormity of what she actually asked even if the words carried such simplicity.
She held her breath as she waited for him to reply.
"Always" he promised, and she believed him. He wrapped his arms around her, and they lay down in the bed.
It had been a long time since Lily Evans had prayed, yes, but that night she realised that it did not necessarily mean that she was lost. She believed that if James simply stayed with her she would be okay. In one night, she might have managed to lose one person she loved but had also gained another and that person was everything she would ever need.