A/N – Depressing warning. OOC Warning. I may not include the basis of the whole song. I intend this to be the basic last chapter of Hitoride Watashi Kireme. All dates are according to historical facts.
Song: Lucy – Skillet
Regrette
Hey Lucy, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while, got some things I need to say
-August 19, 1868-
Hijikata knelt before Souji's headstone. Brushing the leaves away, he laid a dozen red roses at the base of the stone. He closed his eyes, recalling all the fun times he had had when Souji was around, how much he loved Souji, how scared he'd become when Souji got sick. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, "Souji, I came to talk...just for a little while, if that's okay?"
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me
Toshizou ran a hand through his raven hair, his eyes looking tired and blank, yet holding a note of sadness. It had only been a month, to the day, since Okita's death. He wrapped his arms around himself, remembering how he had once held the frail younger male when he was ill. Hijikata was glad that the pain Souji had suffered was over, but he still missed holding him.
"You do realize, it was a pain in the ass when you'd look at me with those big violet eyes and beg for candy," Hijikata's voice wavered, "even so, I'd give up everything I have...just to see you again."
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today
Hijikata hugged himself tighter, fighting back the tears that threatened at the brims of his eyes. "If I hadn't have brought you into the Shinsengumi, would it have been different, Souji?" Hijikata thought of how Souji had been just a child when he'd become a member of the Wolves of Mibu, how Toshizou could have imposed it, just as he had refused to let Tetsunosuke fight at first. He remembered how Souji had scolded him that day, reminding him of the thing Hijikata regretted most – letting a nine year old become a demon. If he hadn't have made him fight, would Souji have gotten sick? Even if he had gotten sick it wouldn't have spread so quickly if not for the countless battles, right?
Hijikata felt a fear tears slip down his cheeks. As he stood, he wiped them away. "I'm sorry, Soujirou..."he whispered as he walked away.
On June 20, 1869, almost a year after Okita Souji's death, Hijkata Toshizou died in battle.
A/N – You don't need to tell me that I am a fail writer, for I already know. Thank you, that is all.
Song: One Last Breath - Creed