Summary: Where Alec and Magnus talk of immortality, and of how forever wouldn't stretch to a day's worth without Alec.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have the *cheesiest* titles ever. Ugh. Oh and this is my apologies for my previous one-shot entitled:
The Best Day Ever. It should be called: The Sickest Irony Ever. But oh well. This isn't like TBDE, though! This is...Comforting.
Status: One-Shot. It'll stay that way. (Unless...Nahhh.)
Warning/s: It's sort of fluff. But with loose hurt/comfort. Okay, no. If you talk about death then it is not fluff.
So let's just go with hurt/comfort/romance. Plus one more warning: Tears.
A Day in Forever
"Let's face it," Alec started, feeling like the knots in his stomach couldn't get any tighter. If they did then he'd already be doubled over and gasping. The feeling was so tight – as if this was the thing he didn't want to talk about but couldn't help but let it out.
He looked at Magnus, who was seated just across from him in his kitchen table. They had arranged themselves to be in this manner – because if they sat side by side, then Magnus would surely find ways to touch Alec and Alec would get too distracted and he would forget about whatever they needed to talk about. But as it was, Magnus's hands stayed just propped on top of the table, his cat-like golden green eyes bright as they stared at him.
"You're gonna live forever," Alec finally added, and that took Magnus by surprise. "And I'm gonna die."
When Alec said he had something to say, Magnus thought that maybe he was tired of waking up on the floor – because he moved so much in bed and Magnus, more than once, would unconsciously kick him off. But never – if he woke up – did he allow Alec to continue sleeping on the floor. It was just that, when Alec did fall asleep and Magnus was not there to check if he was already on the floor, Alec didn't really find the strength to haul himself back up and have the warlock's long limbs drape over him.
It was a good feeling, he conceded. But the floor was inviting, too. Magnus made a face at that.
"How is immortality?" Alec asked, and Magnus leaned back against his chair, looking at Alec.
"It was boring," Magnus drawled, and Alec felt his shoulders stiffen. Was he that much of a bad boyfriend – of a lover – that Magnus just wanted him to die already? But that was not it. "There were times when I thought: 'This is the time of my life.' or that I was at my peak."
Magnus leaned forward now, his fingers lacing together.
"But that wasn't quite true, Alexander," At the use of his full name, Alec felt himself heat up. Magnus only used that name when he was very mad, very concerned or very intimate or just exasperated.
"Immortality…Has been –" But Alec did not have the time to finish because Magnus locked gazes with him and although the warlock was not smiling, Alec could see it in his eyes.
"This," He gestured towards him and finally smiled, his eyes softening. Alec always did love his eyes, maybe as much as Magnus was fond of his own baby blues. "If I've known that you were gonna come along after eight centuries, I might have died waiting. And darling, I don't even know if I'd been ready to meet you, even with the knowledge before-hand. But you know what they say…The heart calls for what it wants."
And Magnus's heart had been trying to call Alec's over the past eight hundred years, not knowing if he truly existed at first, but knowing that somebody – his perfect other half – existed. That was the faith that his heart had clung on to. And although it was quite cliché, Magnus still prided himself in that. His heart had managed to finally get through to the line and Alec Lightwood had picked up.
"After eight hundred years you would think that I have everything," Magnus said, and Alec – who was trying to start the conversation – was at a total lost now. Magnus's words drowned him, the warlock suffocating him in the feeling of happiness and longing and too much love that Alec blushed. "I guess I do. Because I have you." And he looked at Alec then, his golden green eyes glinting even in the dim lighting, his smile brightening his face up.
"But I'm not special, Magnus."
Trust Alec Lightwood to ruin that heart-felt speech. But truth be told, he felt like what Magnus had said. That he had – unconsciously – been calling for somebody, and now that Magnus was around, he found that missing puzzle piece. He found that somebody he thought he could live without, but really, couldn't. Somebody he needed.
It was more than a physical want, it was an emotional need.
"Who are you?" Magnus asked, and Alec was surprised at how sharp it came out. Magnus wasn't smiling anymore, he looked sort of fallen now, as fallen as the High Warlock could get.
But Alec, not missing the question, answered – though he was unsure of why he needed to.
"I am Alec Lightwood, twenty and a Shadowhunter."
"And?" Magnus prompted, playfulness edging his tone.
"And I live in New York?"
Magnus sighed and shook his head.
"And I love the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane, more than he loves glitter." Alec managed to say, the words falling from his mouth so fast that his blush didn't have time to really take a full effect.
"More than I love glitter?" Magnus said, a hand coming to his chest in mock-amazement. "That's saying something, darling!"
But after a second Magnus dropped the hand and smiled again.
"And I love you endlessly," Alec knew that Magnus was forestalling the earlier conversation – that Alec was not even special, that Magnus would live forever and Alec would just die.
"Endlessly?" Alec echoed. Endlessly was like immortality. Never ending.
"Death won't do us apart," When he felt Magnus's fingers lace through his own, Alec looked up at the light. It wasn't that he was so prone to crying. He almost never cried. The only times he really cried in his adult life (which was not very long, for that matter. But it was an adult life, anyway) was during Max's death and Max's death anniversary.
"I'm gonna die, Magnus." Alec said, not taking his eyes off the light source. Magnus gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I'm gonna grow old and I'm gonna die."
"You're human," Magnus soothed, and it was supposed to be comforting.
"I'm a mortal. You're immortal," He was a warlock. An immortal warlock. Alec was a Shadowhunter, a Nephilim. Magnus Bane was a Downworlder. These things had set them apart at first, but it only drew them even closer. Alec couldn't even imagine what it would be like without these traits between them, but if it was Magnus Bane, in any other life, then he would still love him.
The pinpricks of tears. Alec would not succumb to them. They were just talking, weren't they? And this was his plan – to talk about his mortality and Magnus's immortality. But that was not the case anymore. It wasn't so much of a plan – his death – than it was a fear. A fear of losing Magnus to the darkness and emptiness, the fear of ever waiting in the afterlife for somebody who would not be catching up to him. The fear of forever being alone in his own forever, in his own eternity, while Magnus still lived in the world of the living.
"Alec, baby, look at me," And the table was no longer between them. Magnus had stood up and strode to reach for Alec's face, cupping it in his hands. The moment that his eyes met Magnus's, the first drops of tears fell.
Don't cry, Alec. Don't cry. It's just a talk. You're not really dying. You're not really leaving Magnus. Not…Yet.
"Do you want to talk about forever?" Magnus whispered, his thumbs brushing the tears away from Alec's face. It hurt him to see Alec so broken, so defeated. And although they have never talked about immortality, not like this, Magnus knew that the topic would come, that it would be a tidal wave and that it would shake them both up so bad. He just wasn't expecting that it would really shake them up so bad that it would cause his Alec Lightwood – his Alec who stood up against demons, who did not allow pain to cross his features, who was always the coolest and the most level-headed, who tried to be responsible…His wonderful Alec – to break down like this.
He shouldn't. He loved Alec. And from somebody who loved someone, who was their significant other, then it was just a big no to be making them cry. To be the cause of those tears, to be the cause of his fears, really deep down.
Alec nodded, his fingers gripping Magnus's coat.
"Alec, I love you." Magnus breathed, his lips pressing against Alec's forehead, and then to his cheeks. He tasted the saltiness of the tears, and felt the dampness.
"If you die – " If. He had said 'if' and not 'when'. – "Then I would not live until tomorrow."
Alec didn't know if it should have stopped the tears and calmed him down, if that was what Magnus was hoping for. Instead, he only pulled Magnus closer to him, and the warlock wrapped his arms around the Shadowhunter. His little Shadowhunter.
My precious, little Shadowhunter.
Magnus's words sent a chill down Alec's spine. It wasn't reassuring, not in the least. Not when he knew that Magnus was going to forcibly take his own life if he died. It wasn't right.
"That's not right." Alec said, his voice in a rasp. He blinked back the wetness in his eyes, blinked back the blurriness and stared at Magnus – they were still so close, clinging to each other.
"Love makes fools out of us. Mortal or no," And Magnus pressed his lips to Alec's, sealing that promise with a kiss. "And I'm the biggest fool alive."
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