Rating: Teen
Summary: Come dinnertime, Luffy is only too happy to share Zoro and Sanji's secret with the rest of the crew.

Warning: MxM implied. There's your cup of tea, do or don't drink it.

Word Count: 776. For real.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, hence me writing a fanfic where two men have evidently got it on.

Author Notes: Right. Well I consider this my first fanfic, so yeah. Apology in advance if it all seems a little off or if any of the characters seem a little OOC. And to those who actually read the 'Author Notes', I'd love to hear some feed-back seeing as I've never really done this before and I might consider turning this story into a multiple chapter. So, Mm, yeah. Enjoy ?

-------- Mealtime Revelations --------

Silence.

Fucking undiluted, awkward-as-hell silence.

At that moment the cook wanted nothing more than to become one with the floor, to soak into the sea-washed wood and never resurface. He wanted anything. Anything to save him from what he knew was coming next.

"W-what was that Luffy?"

'...' The blonde knew his face wasn't supposed to turn this shade of red. 'Fuck'.

Nami looked on with the rest of the crew in curious incredulity.

The aspiring pirate king grinned, only too happy to repeat himself. The naive bastard.

"I saw Zoro and Sanji making babies!"

There was a dry choking sound, and Sanji didn't need to look toward the swordsman to know it was him. Besides he was too caught up in his own erratic musings to worry about a distraught lover.

Maybe making 'whoopee' with the Marimo-head on the galley's countertop in the middle of the day hadn't been that great of an idea...

When the love cook finally came back to reality he saw Zoro was now a fascinating hue of purple, not that anyone besides himself noticed, as the captain had their full attention.

This time it was Ussop's turn to utter a barely audible comment.

"T-t...that would explain a few things..."

The navigator, seemingly a bit further along in the process of collecting herself - (opposed to the others) - gave the liar a sideways glance.

"Like what?"

The sharpshooter crossed his arms almost defensively.

"L-like when Zoro goes to help 'dry' dishes and it ends up taking a hell of a lot longer than dishes usually require..."

Nami seemed to consider this; her contemplative silence giving the long-nose a boost of confidence as he continued on, this time with more momentum.

"...Or when they get into one of their daily spats and then miraculously disappear for hours at a time? And, and. Speaking of their fights, if Sanji kicks Zoro in the head really hard he won't show up for dinner that night, and Sanji will get real PO'd and mopey."

"I DO NOT MOPE!" Was Sanji's almost strangled reply.

To his great irritation, the cook was ignored. ('WHY I OUGHTA--!') Nami nodded again, it was a weird sight, seeing as she was usually the voice of reason on their crazy little ship. Ussop took this as his cue to continue and was once again about to unleash his god given talent upon the room when a hand slammed hard again the tabletop. Rattling all dishes and utensils unfortunate enough to be within the vicinity of ground zero.

"USSEI!" (1)

All eyes fell on a panting swordsman.

Luffy, who had been but an on looking bystander since his contribution at the beginning of this conversation gaped.

"SUGOI! (2) Zoro, you look like a fish out of water!"

The boy giggled at the obvious wit of his own brilliant observation.

And indeed it was true Sanji noted, the other topic of conversation was now a very unnatural shade of blue, and was all but gasping for breathe. No one had seemed to notice that he'd been practically writhing against the table top up until now.

The green-headed man's eyes glowered down at everyone as they sat. A unison of nervous gulps and shuffling of chairs and limbs. The cook felt the breathe in his throat hitch as a familiar pair of eyes nestled on him. In a breathy and to the cook's utter dismay alluringly desperate voice, the swordsman addressed him.

"You... Me... Outside... Now." He bit off on the last word.

'Crap.' The cook could feel the heat in his cheeks intensify.

If it seemed like a request, it wasn't. Seeing this the cook rose stiffly from his seat and proceeded to follow his bedraggled lover out onto the deck; lighting a cigarette as they went. Evidently if the next few minutes, or hours for that matter were going to take place as the cook pictured them, he was going to need a hell of a lot of nicotine to ease him through it.

They exited with a click of the galley door.

Another silence ensued, ears straining to follow the two nakama (3) out onto the front of the ship. When the dual footsteps finally died away and there were no results, everyone seemed to relax. Meals were resumed, and mild chatter reinstated. No on bothered to pursue the couple on their venture.

One might as well commit suicide with the swordsman in such an unstable state.

Later as the night wound down, still not a cook or swordsman in sight, it was Ussop who gave the evening's events their due closure.

"Well, that was interesting."

Owari

1 - (Ussei): A very masculine version of urusai. Meaning noisy, also a way of telling someone to shut-up. Zoro, being the manly man he is, uses ussei as opposed to urusai.

2 - (Sugoi): A way of expressing awe. Like 'Wow' or 'OMGWTFBBQ'. Yeah, something like that. Not sure my Japanese teacher would be so satisfied with that answer though :