Disclaimer:I do not own Degrassi

Author's Note: Okay, I know I said it would be about a month or so before I started the sequel to this, but...I just can't wait. I wrote out about twenty pages in my notebook in the past couple of days and I really want to post the first chapter. I know more of where this story is going, so I promise the time between updates won't be so long it will probably be about once a week with the exception of when I'm out of town. (Got a busy summer planned.) This will start out kind of slow, but as it progress I promise lots of juicy drama lol. Review review review!

Chapter One

Dear Jay,

I know that I start off almost all of my letters like this, but I figure it's been working out well for me so here it is: This place sucks. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you! We've finally straightened everything out and are happy together and I have to be in this hell hole where I can only see you for a miniscule two hours every Sunday. Can you say, completely unfair? At least Lissy's here, I can say that if I hadn't met her I would have gone completely cucu bananas, as Manny would say. Most of the girls here are just a bunch of whiny little babies who talk about how there is no reason for them to be here and they are perfectly fine, even if they do look like skeletons. Lissy and I, we know we have a problem, the difference between us is that she just can't seem to get herself to do anything about it. I can understand it, but I still do everything I can to get her to eat. It helps keep my mind off my own problems.

I get to see you in exactly four days. Four long, long, long days. You wouldn't believe how slowly the time passes here. At least they've shortened the time I have to stay here so I get to come home in one week and five days. (Sounds so much shorter that way, rather than saying in almost two weeks.) I can't wait to sleep in my own comfy bed with my own wonderfully colorful walls. There is way too much WHITE here. You would think in a place that they want to cheer people up they would paint bright colors or something, but noooooo of course not. Whatever.

Hey, can you get Manny and Sean to come with you next time? I know they're both busy working and Manny has been going to her parents house on Sundays, but I really miss them both so much. They haven't come to visit me since the second week I was here and it would be so nice if they would come out. I'm not sure if my mom and dad told you, but they can't come this Sunday. They probably did, seeing as you guys drive up together, but...just in case they haven't I'm telling you now. Mom has to work and Snake's taking Jack and going to visit Joey for the weekend. I guess he promised Joey months ago that they'd come up this weekend and he was going to cancel, but I told him that he really should go. I know how bummed out he's been since Joey moved. I guess Jack is really excited to see "that bigger girl" (what he calls Angie).

How's everything going at home? Have you told your parents about...well about the baby? God, I haven't even met your parents yet and I'm pregnant with your child. They are going to hate me. I know they will. They're going to think I'm some little skank who sleeps around with every guy she sees. I'm so scared Jay. Not just about your parents, but about being a mother. I'm seventeen. I'm supposed to be worrying about what dress I'm going to wear to prom and which colleges I should apply to, not about diapers and baby formula. I can barely take care of myself, judging from my current situation and I'm supposed to care for this tiny, innocent baby who had no choice in who it will have for a mother? At least I have you. I've seen how you are with Jack when you come to visit and I know you're going to be such a good dad. I'm just so scared that I won't be good enough. I'm so scared that I won't measure up.

Ugh, the stupid night nurse is yelling at me that lights out was twenty minutes ago so I have to end here. I can't wait to see you.

I love you.

Always yours,

Emma

As I re-read Emma's letter, waiting for Sean and Manny to come pick me up, I'm hit with how lucky I am to have her. It's been one month and six days since I walked into Emma's hospital room. One month and six days since I finally let myself admit that she is all I've ever wanted. One month and six days since this goofy grin was pasted on my face. I believe my fellow degrassians think I've gone completely over the edge. Many have tried, and failed, to piss me off, but it's just not working. I never thought that I could be as happy as I am right now. I don't understand why, and I don't really care either, but Em's parents don't hate me. In Snake's (he's making me call him that now...it's a little weird I have to admit) case he did a total 180 from hating me to liking me. I guess finally getting their daughter to eat SOMETHING earned me some major brownie points and probably the fact that they see that I'm not just going to run off and leave her pregnant and alone.

It was enough of a surprise for me when they were nice to me, but I almost passed out when they invited me over for dinner for the first time. Something that I thought would be completely awkward actually ended up being kind of nice. Now it's a pretty common thing for me to hanging out at their house playing games with Jack and raiding their fridge. For the first time I feel like I have a family.

I glance over at the clock to see that Sean and Manny are already ten minutes late and I sigh in frustration. I have a feeling it's Manny's fault. God forbid the girl should take less than two hours primping, or whatever the hell it is girls do. I can feel myself getting restless, not wanting to miss out on any time I might have to spend with Emma, so I grab my hat and shove it down on my head as I jump off the couch. It's a rare occasion that my parents are ever home, but for whatever reason they are today. I walk in the kitchen to grab a bottle of coke and they are both at the kitchen table, surrounded by paper work and two mugs of coffee.

"Uh, Sean and Manny should be here soon to pick me up, so I'll see you guys later," I mumble as I grab a coke and start to walk out.

"Jason, wait," I hear my Dad's deep voice call out. I slowly turn around, unable to hide the surprise that I felt. My parents barely ever say two words to me and now he's asking me to wait so I can talk to him? Am I dreaming?

"Yeah?"

"Where are you going?" He asks, taking a sip of his coffee. I watch my mom lift her head and stare at me expectantly.

"We're going to go visit Emma at the hospital," I reply in a 'duh' tone. If they knew anything about my life they would already know that.

"Who's Emma?" My mom questions, her musical voice floating across the kitchen.

"My girlfriend," I reply, shortly, beginning to get very irritated with their lack of knowledge.

"Huh? What happened to Alex?" I almost laugh, the question is so absurd.

"We broke up almost two years ago Dad. Get a clue," I couldn't cover up the bitterness in my voice as I glared at him.

"Why is Emily in the hospital?" My mom asks, ignoring my rude tone. That's done it. She can't even get her fucking name right, besides where the hell do they get off suddenly trying to pretend they give a shit at all?

"Emma. Her name is Emma. And if the two of you gave a damn at all, you'd already know why. I gotta go," I snap, spinning around and stalking out of the house. My feet hit the pavement of the driveway just as Sean's bright red car pulls up. I jump in and slam the door shut behind me.

"Let's get the fuck out of here," I mutter as Manny turns around and stares at me as if it was the first time she'd ever seen me.

"Your house is huge," she whispers in awe.

"Sorry to disappoint the trailer park visions you had dancing in your head, Santos," I say bitterly. "Jeez, what crawled up your butt and died?" The pretty brunette asks sarcastically, shooting me an angry glare.

"Parents are assholes," I reply, looking out the window to signify that I'm done with this conversation. Damn them for putting a damper on my good mood. I don't want my visit with Emma to be shot to hell because they decided to take a venture out into parent land.

"Get over it, loser. We have a three hour car ride ahead of us and I don't feel like sitting next to a crab ass the whole way there," I heard from beside me and realized for the first time that I wasn't alone in the back seat, Alex was sitting next to me. I raise an I brow at her in question and I can see by the look on her face that this is her way of trying to get me out of my shitty mood. Out of everyone, she knows how much my parents indifference affects me. I haven't even told Emma about my wonderful home life yet. I cringe at the thought of that conversation.

"What can I say, the tree hugger grew on me. Besides that kid of yours is going to need at least one cool person in it's life," she said grinning at me. I smile at her, letting a throaty chuckle escape, "Get over yourself Nunez."

"I would if I wasn't so damn hot," she says, shrugging her shoulders as if it was a heavy burden. I hear a snort from the front seat and Manny's girlish giggles erupting to life. Sean glances at me in the rear view mirror, laughter in his eyes, "I knew there was a reason we brought her along."

"Yeah, for comic relief because that has got to be the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Alex and hot in the same sentence," Manny shot out, barely able to talk through her laughter.

The rest of the car ride was spent teasing each other and laughing. By the time we reached the hospital, my parents were just another distant memory.

As I stare at myself in the mirror, I'm struck with how pale I really am. My dark brown eyes stand out way to much in my thin face and the stringy blond hair that frames my face is disgusting. We only get to shower every other day, half of us one day and half us of the next day. It disgusts me, even though I know they keep this place way too clean, the smell of antiseptic fills my nostrils every time I wake up in the morning. I turn to the side and stare at my swollen abdomen in the mirror. I'm almost a little over four months pregnant now and it's beginning to show. Logically I know that it's just a tiny little bump, but when I look in the mirror I see a gigantic beach ball shoved beneath my ratty night shirt. Absently, I gently rub my stomach and whisper, "Good morning baby. We get to see your Daddy today."

At the exact moment that I uttered the word 'Daddy' something slammed into my abdomen from the inside. For a moment I thought I was going to throw up again, but then I realized that the baby kicked. It actually kicked! A smile spread across my features and a giggle escaped from my lips. There really is a little life inside of me.

"I'm excited too my little soccer player! Wait until I tell your Daddy, he's going to be so happy," I whispered cheerfully, as I grabbed my bag of toiletries and headed for one of the showers. Not for the first time I wished that I had a razor. My legs would make the early feminists proud, but they just make me cringe. I can't believe that I told myself I would never shave when I was younger. Stupid hospital people won't give me a razor. It doesn't matter that I'm completely terrified of blood and the thought of actually cutting myself on purpose makes my stomach turn. All I want is to shave my damn legs, what's so wrong with that? Apparently everything in here.

I sigh, turning the shower off and wrapping my towel around my body.

"Hey Emma," a tiny brunette says as she enters the bathroom.

"Hi Lissy," I reply to the younger girl. She reminds me of Manny pre-Craig. She has an innocence about her that makes me want to protect her from all the pain in the world. I wonder how it is she maintains that air of innocence when she's had so many bad things happen to her in her life. She told me that when she was five her parents died in a car crash and she was sent to live with her abusive uncle. When she was twelve she was raped by a friend of her cousin's and by the time she was fifteen she'd tried killing herself three times. The third time was when the state finally stepped in and forced her uncle to send her here. Out of all of us on the eating disorder floor she's been here the longest, three months. I can't imagine being here for that long, but she said that she actually likes it. She said she'd rather be here than at her uncle's...something I can understand after everything she's told me.

"Getting any visitors today?" Lissy asked, wiping at the smudges of mascara beneath her exotic hazel eyes.

"I know Jay's coming, but I'm not sure about anyone else. I asked him to bring Manny and Sean, but we'll see. I do really hope they can make it though," I say wistfully. I miss my best friend, it seems like years since I've seen her instead of just a couple of weeks.

"I remember them. Sean's the really hot one," Lissy giggled from behind the shower curtain. I laughed, shaking my head. Sean...always the heart breaker.

"I'll be sure to tell him you think so," I teased, pulling my wet hair into one long braid down my back.

"Don't you dare Emma Nelson!" The small girl shrieked, popping her dripping head out of the shower to stare at me with wide eyes. Before I could reply one of the day shift counselors came into the bathroom.

"Emma you have your private session with Dr. Renee in five minutes, so finish up and go to her room," Lily said kindly, her soft gray eyes sparkling within her plump face. She's by far the most liked out of all of our counselors here. With her soft voice and friendly manner, I'm not sure how anyone couldn't like her.

"Sure Lil, I'm just about done in here anyways," I reply, putting the last touches on mascara.

"Okay, right afterwards come on down to the cafeteria for breakfast," Lily said before walking back out. I gathered my things together and took one last look at myself in the mirror.

I am not fat. I'm fine with how I look. I thought to myself. I do this every day and surprisingly every time I do it, it gets easier. Maybe some of these counselors know what they're talking about.

"See you at breakfast Lissy!" I yell as I walk out the door.

xxx

I get down to the cafeteria with a bit of a bounce in my step. I weighed in at 119 pounds today and the doctor said that I'm doing much, much better. The weight gain makes me slightly uneasy, but at the same time...my love for my baby outweighs that finally. I know I need to be healthy for my child to be okay. I don't think I could live with myself if anything happened to it because I starved myself. I had never truly thought of that before, I'd thought only of my own out of control life and depression. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for what I almost did to my baby. Jay saved us both.

As I made my way into the food line I spotted Lissy sitting over at our usual spot, staring fearfully down at her plate. I think breakfast is the hardest for her. It's as if she thinks that if she eats that first meal she won't be able refuse the next one. As food gets placed on my tray I barely pay attention to what they're giving me and I try to think of a new idea of how to get her to eat. Meals are a battle for all of us, even with my new perspective on things some days I just can't get myself to eat more than two bites at a meal. Today I'm feeling good though and I'm almost sure I can finish what they give me. That's when the idea hits me.

I plop my tray down across from the sad-eyed girl. "Hey there Lissy," I say cheerfully. She looks up from her plate and gives me a pained smile.

"Hi," she whispers.

"So, I was thinking. I know breakfast is the worst for you, so I have a proposition for you," I spear a grape onto my fork and pop it into my mouth, chewing slowly. Lissy looks at me curiously, probably wondering what I'm up to this time.

"I'll eat everything on my plate if you eat half of what's on yours," I tell her. I watch her face as she thinks it over. She's always very concerned about if I'm eating enough to keep the baby healthy so I know she'll take my deal. I'm constantly getting berated for not 'feeding that poor little child enough' from her. I call her my little mother when she does that.

"Okay," she says softly and she begins to cut her fruit into small peices, seperating half of it immediately. She then moves on to her scrambled eggs and pushes half of it to one side. As if to encourage her, I dig into my oatmeal, making sure to look as if I'm actually enjoying the goopy mess that I shove into my mouth. After about a half hour Lissy has half of her plate finished and a wide grin on her face.

"You better finish that up, Emmers, lunch is almost over," she says teasingly. I just glare at her and finish the rest of my meal. Just as I put the last bite in my mouth, Lily stands up at the head of the table and clears her throat loudly.

"Okay, those of you that have visitors can start heading outside since it's such a nice day out and those of you who don't have the next two hours of free time. At eleven o'clock I want all of you in the common room for group," her husky voice carries out over the din of the cafeteria. I look over to Lissy who once again has a sad expression on her face. Lissy never has visitors.

"Do you want to join me today, Lis?" I ask her softly, hoping she doesn't take it as sympathy. She doesn't take sympathy very well. I found that out the hard way.

"I have a lot of homework to do, but tell them I said hi," she squeaked out, dumping her tray in the garbage and scurrying off towards her room. I like Lissy, a lot, but I was somewhat glad that she wouldn't be joining me today. It was too hard trying to get her to feel included, not that everyone didn't try, but Lissy is so shy that it makes it hard. I practically ran up the stairs and out the main doors to the clearing behind the old building. I could already see some people milling around, looking for a place to situate themselves, but so far none of them were anyone I knew. I wandered over to an empty picnic table and sat down, constantly looking around to watch for Jay.

After about ten minutes I started to get panicky that he wasn't coming. Maybe he'd changed his mind and he didn't want me anymore. Maybe he got in an accident on the way here. Maybe...

"Emma!" A familiar voice called out across the lawn, I whipped my head around to be met with the best sight I'd seen all week. Jay, Manny, Sean and Alex were headed my way. I couldn't help it, I jumped up off the bench and ran towards them, almost making Jay fall backwards as I enveloped him in a bear hug.