The cool summer wind tossed Castiel's jacket, making it snap behind him from its force. His bright blue eyes were turned skyward... This wind wasn't normal. The angels were falling, and the earth itself was weeping with its winds as hundreds of angels burned through the skies, and crash landed into the ground all over the world. His throat was still sore from where his grace had been cut out, but that was the least of his worries... He'd done it again. He destroyed heaven. Sam and Dean hated him. And his brother's and sisters fell from grace because of him...
He'd thought he was doing something right... As Dean had once said, Castiel's intentions were always in the right place, but he fucked things up by not listening to his friend yet again... And now there was no way to bring things back to normal. Metatron had the angel tablet. They were all powerless. And it was too late to strike back...
Castiel fell to his knees. Water was leaking from his eyes, and he didn't know why. This had never happened to him before... The more he tried to wipe them away, the more they fell. A strange hiccup rose in his chest, and his Vessel's old memories supplied the word for what was happening... He was sobbing. Crying. Castiel was /crying/. And he couldn't stop... Watching the fireballs fall to the ground, the ex angel hunched forward and dug his nails into the earth, to feel the bite of sharp rocks burrow under his nail beds. He no longer cared that he was alone... He wanted to die here. He didn't want to be a human and live on with this guilt... Before he knew it, those sobs erupted into agonized screams. The pain overwhelmed him from the inside. Emotions he'd never felt before... It clawed at his insides and at his throat as he howled his lamentations to the sky. Nearby animals fled - a flutter of wings above him indicated birds panicking and flying away from the tortured creature beneath them...
Dean carried Sam bridal style in a panicked haze and when they looked to the sky Dean froze for a moment. Determined to get his brother safely to the impala, he continued on half watching his steps. When they had reached it, at the bottom of a hill, he rested Sam next to the door, lifted his chin in his hand and looked at his condition.. Sammy was dying... These trials were too much for him, and he was dying right in front of his Dean's eyes and Dean began to panic even more as Sam's lids were closing and Sam's body was slightly unresponsive. "SAM! C'mon Sammy... Please..." Dean shook his lightly, and Sam moaned. He was about to pick him up again to put him in the impala, but then they both heard a scream.. A blood curdling, murderous screech coming from the top of the hill. Maybe an angel had fallen there and he had survived the fall. Dean glanced up and back at Sammy. Sam looked at him and managed to mutter a muffled "go, Dean" his arm searched for the impala's handle. Dean hesitantly left Sam's side and ran part way up the hill, slowly gaining view if what the screaming was. He saw familiar hair and then a familiar trench coat... "CAS!" He screamed, he was alive!? But... What was he doing? He ran the rest of the way up and immediately fell to his knees next to Castiel, he felt his body convulsing under him and he didn't know what to do. "Cas?" He saw water streaming from his eyes and he could almost feel how Castiel's throat was getting hoarse by the sounds of his screams.
Castiel's screaming broke off into painful, choked sobs as he sank forward until his forehead pressed against the forest floor and dead leaves. He didn't even notice when Dean came over the rise of the hill, rushing toward him. He stayed put, curled on the ground and weeping... The sobs turned into hoarse croaks, and only after several minutes of choking on his own tears did Castiel lift his head again, eyes red and puffy as he watched what must have been the last angels fall away from heaven... Only then did he notice Dean near him. His expression completely lifeless, Cas pointed back from where the man came, every part of his body trembling. "G-go, Dean... I... I d-did this..." As another round of pain punched him hard in the chest, he gasped, and hunched over on himself again. He was weak and pathetic... Powerless. He couldn't help his boys anymore... Not that they would even want him around now.
Dean watched his angel break in his arms, he wanted so much to console him but Dean never knew how to Deal with other people's pain, but he cared immensely for Castiel, as often as he wouldn't admit it. He listened as Castiel ordered him to leave and he didn't even twitch away, "Cas...no... I'm not leaving you." He took Castiel into his arms, with a little resistance, and his own eyes began to sting. For his brother who was dying at the bottom of that hill and his angel becoming broken in front of him. "Cas, c'mon man, we need you... /I/ need you..." He pleaded
Cas's gaze hardened (as much as it possibly could, with tears pouring out of his face) when Dean pulled him into his arms, and he tried to shove him back but found himself to be more weak than he'd originally assumed. Dean didn't budge because his arms could hardly push. Staying on his knees, another shudder racked through him. He could hardly breathe anymore, and wasn't sure if he even wanted to. Trying to remain stubborn, he lifted a fist and hit Dean on the chest pathetically, hiccuping as he tried to get words out of his mouth. "Y-you don't understand... I-" he coughed, and hugged himself with his free arm to keep his body from falling to pieces. "You need an angel. I-I'm not... Not an angel... I'm /useless/, Dean..." Before he knew it, Castiel found himself crying again and leaning his forehead into the hunter's chest... He brought up his other hand, and wrapped it around Dean's upper back, fingertips clawing desperately into the man's jacket. "I did this... It's m-my /fault/... I-I thought I was doing something right..." The broken sobs picked up again, and his mouth fell open in a soundless scream as he held onto Dean... His throat was already raw, so no sound escaped him except for the hitches of his breath.
/not an angel? Useless?/ "Cas your family.." He felt Castiel burst again, "you're not useless, Cas... How could this be your fault? " he hadnt known about what Metatron had done or that he had tricked him. He held Castiel into the crook of his shoulder and chest, and held him tightly there as the now ex-angel was crying and hiccuping into it. He looked up again and the sight of falling angels, almost like fireworks... The sound of burning wings and Castiel's sobs. "Cas...i'm so sorry..." He held him together and pressed his face into his hair, pulling Cas into a cocoon of warmth, the ex-angels tears staining his shirt.
The graceless ex angel continued gripping onto Dean's jacket until his knuckles were white, and buried his face into him, weeping until nothing more could come from his eyes. His body was completely emptied of tears, even though he felt that he could keep crying for eternity. He wasn't finished mourning... Castiel couldn't speak again for a few minutes, even as he was finally /really/ registering Dean's warmth surrounding his body. He was trying to comfort Cas... Bless him, he really tried... And as much as he wanted to tell him how much he appreciated it, the only thing he could choke out afterward was how Metatron had tricked him. How he fell for it, almost without question... "D-Dean.." He shuddered, and curled into him helplessly. "/I'm/ so sorry... You should not be apologizing... P-please let me g-go, I will only h-hold you back... I cannot live with this guilt of everything I've /done/ to my home... I /cannot/-... Dean, I am a monster..."
Dean held Cas tighter. He wasn't sure what was making him react to the situation this way... But his angel was broken. His wings torn from his back and his grace leaked out... Cas was family... And family always came first. "Cas... I said no. I'm /not/ leaving you." He hugged him even tighter, much less to comfort him now and more to keep him from running away. His own tears streaked his face. He cried for his dying Sam and his broken Cas... He couldn't stand losing either, let alone both of them at once. "Cas please... You're /not/ a monster, and angel or not we /need/ you" he thought of other things in his head and "/i love you/ came to his mind for half a moment, but meant in a brotherly sense. He balled his fists in Castiel's jacket, and mustered up enough strength to try to bring them both to their feet.
Castiel continued to shiver, and only felt worse as he seen the tears streak down the hunter's face. Lip trembling, the ex angel pulled back just enough to wipe at the tears on Dean's face with the sleeve of his jacket. "Y-your face is - leaking..." He hiccupped, trying to deny the hunter's words... They couldn't possibly still want him around. Dean shouldn't care for him anymore... Not after all he had done. Nonetheless, he rose to his feet with him, legs weak and unsure. He ended up leaning most of his weight against his friend, but only for now... He knew that if Dean wouldn't leave /him/, he would have to leave Dean. Cas wouldn't allow himself to hurt them more than he had already... It would be cruel to them both.
When Cas wiped his face, his watery green eyes found his shattered sapphires, and Dean tried to convey a message of love, of need for Castiel... He wasn't sure if Cas could read him but nonetheless they stood. Dean walked with Cas's weight on him, trying desperately to show Cas how much he meant to him. If Sam died and Cas left him... Who knows what the elder Winchester might do... "Cas... Promise me you won't run away from us... Please man, Sammy is dying down there and i can't stand to lose either of you..." He choked on his swollen throat, even if Sam didn't die, he was unbearably attached to his now ex-angel. Hadn't they shared a 'profound bond'? "don't leave me". Even with his broken self, he supported Cas as much as he could all the way down to the impala.