Welcome to Bella Masen: The Epitome of Classy! I had actually planned to update over my Thanksgiving break but I guess that didn't work out… awkward.

I would like to thank all of my reviewers from the last chapter of Bella Swan: The June Cleaver Experience! We got so many that I was almost in tears… much love to you all that reviewed and alerted and what not.

So here's a little background information. After the small break away I felt as though I had lost my funny. Then during my break I thought I had found it.

False Alarm.

Yeah so I actually did find my funny at last weekend… I hope you feel I found it again as well. Leave me a review!

The update schedule for this story will be much like the first one, just so you know.

Yes… so WARNING if you don't like lemons *clears throat* Get the fuck out! Haha I'm kidding. I kid. Get over it. Yeah but I starred the section right before and right after the lemon

Standard Disclaimer Applies

…TEC…

2 years later

"Night, Honey." I said kissed Seth's cheek after tucking him in, he smiled sleepily at me before drifting off to sleep. I brushed my hand over his soft hair before leaving the room. Edward passed me in the hall as we switched rooms and I pecked his lips earning a sexy ass grin from him. He went into Seth's room and I headed into Ellie's, as we did every night.

"Hi, gorgeous." I said as I took a seat next to her on the bed and pulled her little body under my arm. She pressed her face into the side of my breast and I kissed the top of her head. She was seven now and came up to my waist. Her curly copper hair had gotten much longer since Forks and she her two front teeth were missing so now she had that adorable lisp when she was calling Alice a whore.

Too cute.

"Hi, Mommy." She greeted sleepily, her large green eyes blinked rapidly as she attempted to stay awake.

"Don't stay up on account of me, Pumpkin." I said as I moved away from her. I tucked her blanket in around her and kissed her cheek three times.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Honey. Goodnight." I said before turning on her lava lamp and leaving the room. Once I got to the master bedroom I was met with the sight of Edward grumbling and looking as gorgeous as ever.

"What's up, Baby?" I asked before hopping into the bed behind him and picking up the book I had started the night before, it rested open on my lap as I waited for him to speak.

"Fucking assholes. I had that case in the bag and what does Newton do? Goes in and takes it right from under me." He sat on the bed and I got on my knees behind him, and rubbed his shoulders.

"I'm sure they'll put you back on the case, Baby." He shot me a skeptical look over his shoulder and I slapped his back.

"Don't look at me like that. I know you're upset but I didn't do anything to you, so don't come being a jackass to me." I said as I pulled away from him, sitting back on my heels.

"Are you on your period?"

"It depends." He looked over his shoulder again.

"Depends on if there's a reenactment of the red sea in your pants?"

"No- a reenactment of the red sea? That makes no sense."

"That's why I didn't major in English." I shook my head, there really wasn't any making sense with him.

"Regardless. Don't be a dick to me because of Newton."

"I know. I'm sorry, I just-" He pulled off his other shoe and threw it across the room. "Fuck." His hands slipped into his hair. "That fucking case could have been a big step in my career… it was just… taken." He said hanging his head, I slipped my arms around his waist and laid a kiss on his neck.

"The fucking Clearwater-Black case trials put Newton in the lead… That and the fact that he's probably fucking the chief." I thought over his words for a second before smacking the back of his head.

"Watch the way you talk about my father." I jokingly growled, he rubbed his hand over the spot I hit and I wrapped my legs around him from the back. "I have confidence in you, baby. Everything will work out." I rested my head on his back.

"Maybe… if I could get in with the chiefs daughter he'd trust me with the case."

"I doubt he'd appreciate you trying to get it in with me, then telling him about it… That could get awkward." I mumbled. He chuckled slightly before turning and pulling me into his lap. He turned me so that I straddled him and rocked his hips against me, kissing down my neck. I leaned away from him slightly, pecking his lips once more he attempted to deepen the kiss and I pushed him away.

"Edward… come on, I'm tired." He sighed and let me go before silently leaving the bed and stripping as he walked to the master bathroom. I groaned and picked up the discarded book.

******************************************************************************…TEC…**********************************************************************************

I closed my eyes as he dropped his pants, trying to restrain myself. I reopened them when I thought he had closed the door, but I was so wrong. He left the door open just enough so that I could see his naked form moving around. He opened the shower door and stepped in. The shower door was clear so when he closed it but it didn't really block anything. He squirted some soap into his hand before using that same hand to rub his length.

I rubbed my thighs together and begged myself to have some restraint but as I watched him through the door my pussy started throbbing. I slipped a hand between my legs and twirled my fingers over my clit, trying to relieve a bit of pressure before he came back. But my three fingers over the fabric on my pants weren't doing much and I gave up. Tossing my book aside and peeling my clothes off.

When I walked into the bathroom as naked as the day I was born Edwards eyes met mine and he smirked at me, wordlessly opening the door for me.

Such a gentleman.

I managed to kick the bathroom door closed before I stepped into the hot spray with Edward. He pulled my wet body to his own and placed kisses down my neck. I pressed my breasts against his chest, rubbing my hard peaks against him. He stopped ravaging my neck to sink to his knees.

"Spread your legs, beautiful." He groaned huskily. I did as he asked and he ran his nose down my hip bone before reaching the apex of my thighs. His right hand trailed its way up my leg and his left squeezed and kneaded my ass. When his hand reached my knee he pushed it up over his shoulder and shoved two fingers in my throbbing heat. I tossed my head back and it hit the wall with a loud thump. Neither of us paid attention though, due to Edward being in the midst of suckling on my clit, while he fucked me with his fingers.

"What the fuck?" I groaned as his fingers slipped out of me. I was quickly satisfied though when the glorious tongue that was massaging my clit moved down and was thrusted into my tight pussy. His hand came up and he rubbed my clit furiously as his tongue slipped in and out of me at an alarmingly fast rate. He rocked his hips so that his dick hit my leg.

"Cum for me, Baby." He ordered, his eyes met mine as he went back to tongue fucking me. The sight alone would have me cumming for the rest of my life.

My legs started to shake and I swear I went blind. My orgasm rocked through me and every fucking drop of my cum was lapped up by Edward.

"Yes, Baby." I moaned as I rocked against his face. He moved my leg off of his shoulder and gently bumped my knee so that it buckled and I slid down the shower wall. He wrapped my legs around his waist, still on his knees, and thrusted into me in one swift movement.

"Feels so fucking good." He moaned as he pounded into me. I was so fucking euphoric that my head lolled onto his shoulder as he fucked the shit out of me. His hand snaked down and he rubbed my clit like his life depended on it. His mouth met mine and our tongues mingled and teased each other as he brought me closer to cumming. I could taste myself on his tongue but it only drove me to bounce harder on that glorious cock of his. I reached between us and massaged his balls as they slapped against me.

"Oh FUCK!" I called out as he thrust into me harder and more sporadically as I could tell he was close to cumming himself. My body shuddered again as I came. My orgasm sparked his own release as my pussy milked his thick cock.

His head rested in the crook of my neck as he went flaccid inside of me. I ran my fingers through his hair as we sat in the bottom of the shower together.

"I love you." I whispered, he nodded and kissed my shoulder before pulling out of me and standing up shakily. He extended a hand to me and helped me up. We both quickly showered and stepped out from under the progressively freezing water as fast as possible.

**********************************************************************************…TEC…*****************************************************************************

"Tired my ass." He smirked as he wrapped a towel around his waist.

"I can be tired and fuck you at the same time." I rolled my eyes and he tossed me a towel.

"I'll remember that you said that." He said as he pulled me to his chest. I pecked his lips before pushing away from him. A soft squealing noise came from our bedroom.

"Did you here that?" I asked, he shook his head and I cupped my hand over his mouth when he went to speak. He licked my hand and I didn't even flinch. That tongue had been almost everywhere on my body. Why the fuck would I care about my hand?

"Seth?" I whispered. Edward gave me a look and shrugged. I went to the bedside and picked up the baby monitor.

I was met with static before, "Ma…Ma… Mama…" He cried, tears sprung to my eyes as our second child said his first words. I slipped a robe on over my towel and darted next door where our eleven year old month son sat. He was playing with a stuffed animal as he… sang? I checked for any signs of tears and saw none. He was just as tone deaf as I was. I picked his little body up and cradled him to my chest. Edward sauntered in a few seconds later still running a towel through his hair. He had slipped into some low slung pajama pants and looked too good in them.

"Da-da-da…" Seth sung as he saw Edward enter the room. A tear slipped from my eye as he spoke. Edward how ever looked unfazed.

"Do you hear him?" I asked excitedly. "He's talking! Aren't you my smart little boy?" He grinned his little toothless grin and giggled at me as I blew raspberries on his stomach. His green eyes glinted with happiness when I did this.

"My handsome little boy." I cooed as I peppered his face with kisses. I looked over my shoulder at Edward who just watched us as if this shit happened every day.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked him, I let Seth wriggle around as I held him to my chest.

"Nothing." He truly looked like he didn't have a care in the world. I guess he had already experienced the first word thing with Ellie, but I felt like it should have been amazing no matter how many times you saw it.

"He's talking, Edward!" I squealed, Alice style.

"I know... He's been doing that since Sunday." He said as he sat in the rocking chair.

"Mama!" Seth squealed again. I smiled down at him despite his idiot father and kissed his cheek.

Today was Thursday… night.

"What?" I asked, hoping I had heard him wrong.

"He's been talking since Sunday." He repeated.

Like a jackass.

My eyes widened. And I grinded my teeth together.

"What!" I shrieked.

"It's no big deal." He attempted to soothe. I grabbed the baby powder off of the changing table and threw it at his head, not knowing it was open. I was slightly off and it his him in the chest and exploded up into his face.

"What the fuck, Bella?" He cried.

"What the fuck me? What the fuck you, Edward!" I yelled. Seth started screaming from the loudness.

"I'm sorry, honey." I whispered to him before kissing his soft brown hair. I hummed to him and he started crying louder.

Hey… I said I was tone deaf.

"Since fucking Sunday?" I whisper yelled, Edward nodded and brushed the baby powder from his eyes.

"Yeah, you and Alice were at lunch and he said my name." He whispered eyeing Seth's squirming body.

"Why did you think it'd be a good idea to keep this from me?" I hissed softly, Seth's eyes started to droop and I kissed him once more before laying him in the crib.

I strode out of the room as quickly as possible heading down to the living room, so that Ellie and Seth wouldn't wake up.

"Alright, Baby. Well I'm gonna' go to bed." Edward said as he leaned over the banister above me. The living room ceiling was twenty something feet tall and the second floor was visible, a banister sectioning off the hallway.

"The hell you are." I growled. He hung his head and turned and made his way to the steps. When he finally reached the first floor I had to stop myself from tackling him.

"Why the fuck-" I grabbed his hand and toted him toward the kitchen, which was farthest from the kids rooms. "I would have liked to have known that my baby said his first words." I complained. Edward bit the inside of his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Honey. I didn't want to disrupt you… and the game was on." My jaw tensed and I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around me, cupping my ass, before he dragged me towards his body.

"You are a jackass." I grumbled as he tilted my head up to look him in the eye. "I fucking hate you." His green eyes were smoldering and he pushed his lips on mine, making me melt in his embrace.

"No you don't." He whispered against my lips. I shoved his chest hard and slipped out of his arms.

"Well…I'm really pissed off." I said bluntly as I went to the linen closet. I pulled out our old duvet and a pillow, before pushing the items into his arms. "Couch."

"Come on, Baby. I have work tomorrow." He whined before wrapping his arms around me. I shrugged him off.

"So?"

"You don't want me dying because I have a crick in my neck and I can't see an armed man behind me." I rolled my eyes.

"Well if you end up getting shot, you probably shouldn't wait for four days to tell someone about it. They could miss something important." I deadpanned.

"Baby…"

"Goodnight, Edward." I turned on my heel before starting up the steps.

…TEC…

I sincerely hope you laughed and/or enjoyed

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I didn't cockblock either! Ahh the benefits of being married.

Also! After attending a class about the signs of an unhealthy relationship I came back and looked at this….

…Shame…

(P.s. Unhealthy relationships are just that, and they aren't a laughing matter so if you are, or you know someone in an abusive relationship physically or mentally GET HELP)

Yes, but their relationship is love filled and that's just kind of how our Bella is. Please don't flame. It isn't pleasant to read and discourages my writing process. I have also gotten a review from a reader (last story) that said some of Bella's actions weren't believable. Welp… to that I say this is fiction. This is my story. My version of Bella is out of the box.

Let me know if I found my funny or not because I would hate for anyone to be tortured of boredom while reading.

Continue or just leave it?