For The Solace Of Love
Historia could feel her heartbeat even as her palms cradled the syringe. What was it about the sot beating of her heart that made her so calm? Ymir… she thought. As Eren's face, desperate and coated with dripping blood from his wound and tears from despair, echoed in her mind, Historia thought about the only person who cared that she took breath. The Titan-shifter that had changed her very self, remained heavy in her mind as she remembered of how her entire world collapsed when Historia realized that Ymir had abandoned her. I...miss you. The image of her freckles across her cheeks and the dark hair almost caused tears to seep from her eyes. You might have the most impossible personality ever, but…you are the only one that cares for me. Since her identity had been revealed, Historia had either been looked at with pity or nothing at all. The illusion of Krista Lenz had been destroyed, leaving behind a lonely and empty girl. She understood that most people were not comfortable with Historia Reiss. The girl was only a shadow of what she had been. Unpredictable. Unloved. Unlovable.
Eren was more comfortable; stagnant. They would sacrifice their lives for him with nothing in return, but Historia knew that she was only a tool to her so-called friends and the Survey Corps. Historia knew this moment when Captain Levi put a hand around her throat. When she was no longer needed, what more could they do that hadn't been done before? The mother that had wished she had never been born had been murdered before her eyes. Her father was using her for his own ambitions, Historia knew now. And Ymir…her dear Ymir was far away in a place that Historia could never reach. She had been stunned by her father's affection after she and Eren had been kidnapped. More than stunned.
The hope of love was so intent in her mind that she remained blind to the truth until Kenney had spoken. His words, coarse and filled with scorn, resurfaced in her mind. I am so naïve that I believed for a mere moment that my father cared for me, Historia thought dully as she stared at the syringe. I…thought I could be loved again…like the bonds that are out of my reach.
Ymir, Historia thought as she shouted at Eren, screaming why he wasn't getting up, now that you're gone, I realize…I love you. You…taught me so much about this one word and I…want to experience that again. Her heart had been as fragile and as cold as the cave she was in. She thought about the memories stored within Eren, unknown memories that she had shared with her sister, Frieda. I want to experience that again. "You're sister would have done something to change. If only my father had done what he did five years ago, right? And because my father and I stole the power from the rightful place…so many have died. So…please…" he had stated with a voice not belonging to him, "do me a favor and end it all."
I will fulfill you wish, Eren but I am selfish. I only want to know my sister's love through her memories. And perhaps…
"When you said I was normal, Eren, you made me happy."
The syringe plunged into her skin.