Author's Note: Hey internet, if I change the names in this story, can I sell and publish it too? YAY! Anyway, here we are, a 50 Shades parody. Feel free to scream at me.

Ana takes LSD

Anastasia "Ana" Steele watched herself in her mirror, combing back her long brown hair, and staring into her blue eyes too big for her face (Like a shoujo anime). She thought about how she strangely resembled character Bella Swan from the Twilight series, but that's impossible because this is so NOT a Twilight fanfiction, but it's own creation. I swear. So go fuck yourself.

The non-Bella clone made her way downstairs to find her beloved darling Edward Cullen-I mean Christan Grey. (Get it? GREY? FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. Haha, Wow!) who was being the expensive motherfucker he is by stacking his collecting of diamond dildos onto the mantel of his fireplace, right next to his framed picture of John Stamos' head photoshopped onto a beefy, half naked, male supermodel's body. Hearts were doodled in with sharpie, and the words "Stamos x Grey OTP" were scribbled on the bottom.

"Christan, I'm pregnant again."
"You're getting an abortion this time."

"Oh ok."

A old ass grandfather clock beside the wall - given to Christan as a small child from his "papa", as he liked to call him, and by him I'm talking about the strange old man that would give him kisses and amazing little candies that made him sleepy- rung loudly, making the whole house shake because it was that fucking powerful and big. Christian liked to use the clock as a metaphor for his penis.

"Ana, it's 12:00 AM. Midnight," He said, pointing at the clock with a rather mischievous smile on his face and an evil glint sparkled in his eye. "you know what that means."

"Yeah," answered Ana, "Stanford and Son are on." Her grin was so wide, all her teeth were showing, and her eyes were bulging. (Since she already had large enough eyes, this only made them even bigger, therefore making her look even creepier) everybody knew Ana was a huge Stanford and Son fan, she wrote fanfiction about it every day in her corner of the bedroom, since that was all Christian allowed her to own.

"No, stupid," said Christian, looking a rather displeased twelve year old who didn't get a Playstation for Christmas. "It's sexy time!" At the clap of his hands, the lights dimmed, salsa music played in the background, and Christian swiftly ripped off his clothes to reveal nothing but a hot pink thong with the words 'YOUR FACE HERE' imprinted on the front.

"Oooh Ana!" He called out as he slapped his ass and began shaking uncontrollably to the music, as if he were having a seizure of some sort. "I want you inside me-! Wait no, the other way around." He twerked, yes twerked, to the music, knowing that it was one of Ana's super secret turn ons.

But she didn't seem very impressed by it.

"What's the matter, Ana?" Christian clapped his hands once more to stop the music, he placed his hands on his hips, waiting for an answer. Because no one interrupted Christian Grey's sexy twerk dance. No one. "There better be a good explanation for all of this."

"I'm sorry, Christian," Ana pouted, "it's just...you keep doing this and the BDSM...can we try something new?"

"New?!" Christian threw his head back and roared with laughter, what could be better than Christian Grey's sexy BDSM fun time! It was a regular Saturday night thing. Some families had movie night and watched funny comedies, the Greys had sexy BDSM fun time. "You cannot honestly tell me you're getting bored with our 'play time', right?!"

"No, it's not that, really...! It's just...maybe we could add a little something more to it?"

"Ana, I once shoved five dildos in your butt while choking you with my mother's old, dirty pantyhose, what more could you want?" That's when Ana pulled out a small plastic bag filled with sugar cubes from her pocket.

"...What am I, a fucking horse?"

"They have drops of LSD in them."

"LSD?!" Christian exclaimed, "where on Earth did you get LSD?"

"Jose knows this man, his dealer, he lives in his trashcan."

"Oh I get it now...just because Jose is a Hispanic, he's suddenly a drug addict huh?" Christian, disgusted by Ana's racial hate, snatched the plastic bag from her frail, pasty hands. He examined the powder, white sugar cubes, the liquid drug must've been transparent. "They better not have ripped you off..." he mumbled, taking a cube out, then handing it to Ana. "Take it, test it, I want to see if it's the real deal."

Ana stared at the sugar cube, resting on the palm of her head, right before she plopped it right into her mouth. As expected, the cube was, of course, incredibly sweet. Since she had never done LSD before, she had no idea on whatever or not it had a specific taste to it. She really hoped that no good filthy hobo robbed her of her money.

"I don't feel anything yet." she said, chewing the sugar till it all dissolved and faded away in her mouth.

"What a waste of time!" The ginger haired man-is he a ginger? I dunno, he was described as having red hair, so I'm pretty sure he's a ginger-grumbled, he stomped right out right out of the room and toward his secret BDSM chamber. "You better get in here, Ana, you're ruining our quality time! At this rate, I will divorce you!"

Ana, however, couldn't answer him, nor hear him, for that matter. Because the swirls of neon colors that floated around were speaking to her. They were speaking to her in Chinese, so she had no idea what they were talking about. The next sounds that came out of her mouth sounded like a mixture of a small child's cry and a grunting, constipated monkey.

The colors exploded and began to shower twinkling lights, that looked like fireflies, on her. Only these fireflies were flashing rapidly into all kinds of colors. As they landed on Ana's fingertips, they exploded, screaming in sheer agony as a bizarre amount rainbow colored blood splashed all over Ana's face, clothes, and socks with Simpsons characters on them.

"Oh noooo!" Ana cried, sobbing uncontrollably. Those were her favorite pair of socks.

Christian ran out of his BDSM chamber-still wearing that hot pink thong, mind you- alarmed by Ana's screams.

"Hitler's rotten asshole!" he shouted when he spotted Ana rolling around the floor, in the fetal position. "What is going on here?!"

Ana only responded with mumbles and whimpers of "Mama, why does daddy make you breathe funny in the bathroom?" and other lines similar to that.

"It worked?" Christian leaned down to observe Ana in her intoxicated state, she was, as the kids say nowadays, 'tripping balls'. "Ana, Ana, what do you see?"

"Hngguu...S-Santa, is you going to...what are you doing? Stop it...I don't want peanut butter all over my bosom..." Christian grinned and laughed in triumph, as Ana shook uncontrollably, cackling like a witch, jumping at every micro speck of dust that landed on her shoulder; something she could managed to see.

"This is great, Ana." said Christian, his grin growing wide and devious. "Now we can spice up our sex life even more. Now let's head to our chamber..." He reached for her quaking hands but Ana quickly pulled away.

"No!" She shouted, "I won't let you take me prisoner, Monopoly man! I won these dollars fair and square!" The young woman dashed toward the staircase, stumbling upon her legs that felt like jelly to her, probably because she was hallucinating that her limbs were jelly, which would explain why she was trying to gnaw her right arm off.

"Ana, get down from there!" Christan called out to her from the bottom of the stairs. "This is no time for games."

"No!" Ana, now at the stop of the staircase, stood on her tiptoes, and spread her arms out as if they were wings "I'm going to fly with Jesus, Christian, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" With what sounded like a sad attempt at a battle cry (her voice was high pitched and cracked, like a little boy barely going through puberty, trying to act tough), she leaped from the staircase and tumbled down the stairs. Her limbs were twisted in uncomfortable looking looking angles, along with her neck that appeared to be broken, her head probably received a pretty bad blow due to the amount of blood raining down her face from the top. However, Ana still seemed to be conscious as she was groaning gently, struggling to find words to call her beloved Christan for help.

"I could call for help..." he said, as he watched Ana's mangled body. "but then again, you seriously killed my boner and I need something to reveal myself..." Christian tapped his chin with his index finger and deeply thought about his options.

"I know! I'll release myself, and then I'll call for help!" he stepped over Ana and made his way upstairs to his bedroom. He pulled out his really expensive laptop from under his bed (cause you know, he's supppper rich and all) and opened up google in two different tabs, typing in 'The Avengers smut fanfiction' and 'Robert Downey Jr. shirtless photos' in the other.

"Take me to Cloud Nine, Iron Man..." he said as he yanked off the thong and prepared himself. Meanwhile, Ana was still bleeding and injured, but it's ok, Jesus was there with his mariachi band to keep her company.

THE END?

Author's Note: Welp, now that I got that out of my system, I will work on my serious fanfiction and my novels. Proof that I'm not dead. C; Good day, internet.