Phil:
We had just finished making another video. Dan was curled in a corner of the couch, focused intently on editing it, while I hovered in the kitchen, trying to figure out what I should make for dinner. The fridge was totally empty, besides a jar of two-year-old pickles, and I really wanted to get out of the flat for once.
"Dan," I said, leaning my head into the living room, "We don't have any food."
Dan looked up casually from his laptop. His fringe was slightly askew, a few wisps of hair sticking out at an odd angle. I almost wanted to brush the strands back into position, but I shook away the urge, quickly pushing it from my mind.
"Should we order in?"
"I actually was wondering if you were up to going out…" I suggested. "But if you aren't, that's totally okay."
Dan smiled. I'd always secretly admired how perfectly straight his teeth were, and when he smiled as he was now, they lit up the room. "Sure," he replied, "that's actually a really good idea."
"Awesome." I flashed a grin back at him, before grabbing our coats and phones and ushering Dan out of the apartment and down the several flights of stairs to the street.
It was a somewhat nippy winter's night, a blanket of clouds covering the city, and lazy snowflakes drifting slowly from the sky. There wasn't much snow on the ground yet, but a frost had started to form. I shivered involuntarily, my teeth chattering. I should've brought a better coat…
Before I could ask Dan to wait while I went back upstairs to grab another jacket, he had draped his own coat around my shoulders. I was about to protest: he should be warm too, and afterall, we were only a few meters away from the flat.
"Don't," he objected as I tried to hand back the garment, "you're really sensitive to cold. Plus, I've got my jumper… it should keep me warm enough."
"Are you sure?" The thought of Dan being cold because I had his coat made me feel guilty.
"Positive." He smiled again, and I relaxed.
"Thanks, Dan."
We made our way through the busy streets of London, cars whizzing past us and people crowding the pavement. Eventually, we reached a Starbucks, and although it wasn't exactly a proper place to get dinner, it had warm drinks, and sweets.
Dan went to find us a seat while I ordered. I didn't even have to ask what he wanted, since I'd been getting coffee with him for as long as I could remember. Along with our drinks, I purchased a brownie and a muffin to share between us.
As I made my way through Starbucks with our food, I spotted Dan in the far corner. He'd managed to get a cozy, two-person booth that fit us perfectly. I set down his coffee, and pulled out the pastries.
"What a healthy dinner," Dan said sarcastically, but it was obvious he enjoyed it nevertheless.
He bit hungrily into the muffin, mindfully chewing while watching the snow float down, coating the pavement. I watched him, my heart pounding, my brain wishing he felt the same way I did. Wishing he would stare at me because he just couldn't get over how perfect I was. That's how I felt about Dan: he was the most amazing person, but he'd never know how much I loved him.
Dan:
I could tell Phil was staring at me. He didn't think I realised, but I did. I didn't really mind, but it was starting to put thoughts into my head that questioned our current friendship, making me think of other possibilities,, and honestly, it was scaring me.
I knew that as soon as I faced Phil again, his bluish-greenish eyes would flick away, his cheeks turning a cherry-tomato red, and he would complete brush over the fact that he'd been staring at me. But I didn't turn to face him in that second, because it felt nice having him watch me like that, like I was the most important person to him in the world.
Phil was that person for me, but I wasn't sure if it was purely platonic or in a more romantic sense. We'd been through everything together; I could never imagine a world where Phil was not a part of my life, where he didn't sit by me every morning, make videos with me every day, and play video games with me every night.
But did that mean I loved him?
I finally turned back towards Phil, and his eyes quickly averted, just as I expected they would.
"How's your muffin?" he asked, his voice wavering slightly.
"Oh, it's, erm, pretty good.
He nodded, and stared down at the coffee cup in his hands. His expression looked sad, his mouth turned down slightly, his brow furrowed.
"Something wrong?"
For a second, it looked like he was about to shake his head no, but he paused, his mouth twisting in thought. Then he nodded, and his eyes started to water slightly at the edges.
"Yes… I'm in a bit of a dilemma, I guess."
"What sort of dilemma?"
Phil paused again, trying to figure out how he should phrase what he wanted to ask. I could almost see the words turning in his mind, trying to form them in the perfect way.
"What… what do you do when you like someone romantically, but you're pretty sure you they don't like you back in the same way? And what if they're your best friend and you wouldn't ever want to do anything that would screw up your current relationship?"
Now it was my turn to pause and think. It wasn't hard to figure out what Phil was hinting at, but I wanted to make sure I responded in the right way.
"I say go for it," I finally said. "I mean, they might not like you back, but if you're really good friends, you'll be able to move past it. And at least they know."
Phil:
Dan's words didn't fully sink in for a few seconds. Had he actually got what I'd meant when I'd ask the question? Had he seen the underlying message? I love you Dan.
His response was too vague for me to figure it out. If you looked at it one way, it seemed like he wanted me to tell him that I loved him. If you looked at it another, it seemed like he was trying to let me down as easily as possible.
I could feel my cheeks turning scarlet, the blood rushing to my face. I snuck a look at a Dan through my eyelashes, my heart pounding so hard I was positive it'd explode.
"D-Dan," I stuttered, "I think I love you."
His face was expressionless for a few seconds, before his mouth slowly started spread into the smile that I loved so much.
Before I knew what was happening, he'd risen from the table, grabbed my hand, and started to pull me out of the Starbucks.
"Where are we going?" I asked, bewildered. "Dan? Dan?"
"I needed some fresh air," he murmured as we stepped into the chilly outdoors. The cold air was so sharp, it stung my lungs when I inhaled.
"Dan…?"
"I wasn't sure if I loved you, Phil. I wasn't sure how to respond when you said it. But then I realised: I could never imagine a world without you in it. And if there's anything I want, I want you to be more involved in my world and more a part of my life." Dan's voice was serious, but also sounded somewhat desperate.
"And… and I know this is sudden, and I know we've only been a couple for minutes, but I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I have never wanted anything this much," he continued, pausing to watch my face.
My heart fluttered, and I stood outside of our local Starbucks, mesmerised by the man I loved. The man I had spent the best years of my life with.
"Ph-Phil Michael Lester," Dan said, his voice almost a whisper, "will… will you marry me?"
I didn't even hesitate to answer. "Yes. Oh God, yes."
Dan:
It seemed like a fairytale. It was absurd. No person would ever propose to their boyfriend minutes after they'd confessed their feelings for the first time. But I just had, and it was the right decision, no matter how absurd and crazy and unreal the circumstances were.
"God, I love you," Phil said, wrapping his arms around my neck, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my jaw.
My lips brushed against his forehead, and made their way down his face, pausing before they gently met his lips for the first time.
Perfect.
That is the only word I can use to describe kissing Phil Lester, the only word that even comes close to how amazingly wonderful it was. His lips were soft, his cheeks hot, his mouth moving in perfect synchronicity to mine.
"I love you more," I whispered back between kisses.
"I love you most," he replied.