"sold your soul"
Suddenly Sumi jolted up as pain shot through her left arm. It was always difficult to sleep because of her bad arm. Now that she was fully awake from the pain, it would be utterly futile trying to get back to sleep. She used her good arm to prop herself up and gradually rose off of her futon. The smell of green tea was fragrant in the night air. It meant that Ayu must be awake as well, but Ayu never got much sleep in the first place...
"Hey! Up so late? Is your arm botherin you again?" asked Ayu with a concerned smile.
"Yeah. It was getting a little hard to sleep. Might I have some of the tea you've made?" Sumi replied, wiping sleep out of her eyes. Ayu kindly handed her a cup of green tea. The two had become like sisters ever since Sumi had begun her stay at the old shrine where the Shinsengumi made their home.
As Sumi seated herself on the floor across from Ayu she eyed the small clock in the corner. It was about 2:13 in the morning. "It's gotten so late, and still the men haven't returned yet," said Ayu worriedly.
"It must have been an awful night for them," replied Sumi. Suddenly the shoji door slammed open, and there stood Souji, with a rather pale complection, and a horrified expression.
"We need you out here, Sumi-san," he said sternly.
Sumi had only ever heard this tone from him a few times before. "Is something wrong?"
"We need you now Sumiko-dono!" cried Souji, even more desperately.
No sooner had she stepped outside when she spotted the problem. The fifteen year old red head- Tetsu- his eyes were fierce. And it was obvious that the men were having trouble keeping a grip on him, for Tetsu was thrashing about violently.
"I understand," said Sumi. She gently stepped off the porch and walked over to Tetsu. He noticed her coming towards him, and glared at her like a demon as he shouted a very bitter swear. Regardless, she walked closer until she was able to stoop down and look into his eyes.
"Get back!" growled Tetsu.
She replied with a simple, "No." The boy continued to struggle and curse, even as Sumi placed her arms around him. Then a sound you would not expect. Tetsu broke out into sobs, as Sumi pulled him closer. As he began to calm down, he rested himself on her injured arm. Sumi held back a cry of pain.
"Please, let me go..." the boy whimpered.
Again she replied simply, "No." Sumi held the boy gently, yet firmly in her arms, and started to rock him. Back and forth. Whispering to him, "It's alright. It's alright. Stop crying. It's alright." She continued to rock him, as if he was a small child who had just woken up from a nightmare. The truth was, Tetsunosuke's night had been hell: it truly was a nightmare. It was Tetsu's first real mission with a sword. Of course, Tetsu had seen many people die or be killed. Death was just another part of life. But now he was a real soldier, and tonight was the first time he had ever shed anyone's blood himself.
-o-o-o-
The two men stood facing each other with burning anger in their eyes. "If you can't control yourself, Okita, then we'll end it now," said Saito in a monotone voice. A young Sumi was practically unnoticed behind the captain. Suddenly, she became all too noticeable again, as she stepped from behind Saito and headed towards Okita.
"Get back!" growled Okita, "Or I'll cut you to pieces."
With a slight hesitation she replied, "N-no." Her bottom lip trembled as if she were about to cry.
"I suggest you get back and let me finish this, girl," Saito was shocked, and yet, irritated that this child-- this girl-- would step so far outside her boundaries.
"I can't," she replied.
"Don't be foolish, girl!--"
Sumi pleaded desperately, "Please, Taichou! Allow me to do only this! If I fail, you've lost nothing."
With a slight nod Saito allowed the girl to proceed. She continued closer even though it seemed that Okita would strike her at any moment.
"I told you to get the hell back!" shouted Okita coldly. As he raised his sword, Sumi made a move he did not expect. She wrapped her arms around him, and as she did so his sword fell heavily upon her left arm. With a cry of pain, she pulled him closer.
He glared at her, his pale face in pure terror, "Please, let me go..." he begged with his voice just barely leaving his throat.
"No," she answered, and she began to wipe the blood from his face with her sleeve. As Okita's anger slowly subsided, he buried his head in her shoulder. But the weight was too much for her now, and Sumi fell to her knees. The pain in her shoulder paled in comparison to the pain of seeing what he had just done.
They walked back to the shrine, and then Saito pulled her aside. "What you did was foolish, girl. You could have been killed."
"And what of Okita-taichou? Should I have let you kill him?" she asked.
Saito frowned with concern, "No."
With tears in her eyes, she said, "There's nothing sadder than killing one of your own."
-o-o-o-
The boy gradually quieted, and Sumi carried him off to be with his older brother. Through all this, no one questioned her, or even said a word. Without raising her head to meet the Tatsu's eyes, she laid Tetsu in his arms. "Ichimura-kun, let him sleep in tomorrow. I don't care if he doesn't wake til the moon rises again." She turned her back to the brothers, and silently sauntered to her own quarters.
As she headed back to her room, Souji grabbed her right wrist. "Thank you," he whispered.
"I feel like such a hypocrite," she replied, still not facing him. Her head was hanging down, as if she was trying to hide her tears.
Souji pulled her around to face him, "You're not. Don't say such things."
"I am, Souji. I can't even find the truth in my own words. 'It's alright.' ... what a sweet lie. You know that I will never be alright with what we do. Nor am I alright with initiating children into the league of demons that we are. I can never accept that, Souji," she managed to say before collapsing into his arms in tears. Everything had just been so... nostalgic.
"I know," he sighed. He did know. He knew how much it cut into her heart when she said it would be alright, even though she knew it would not. What she did not know was how grateful he was for what she had done back then. In time, Tetsunosuke would thank her as well.