This isn't an A/N per se: Just a little explanation is in order to set the proper context. This ficlet, and the previous one, "One Step Forward" are responses to a weekly writing challenge in which you explore both a choice a character makes, then what would happen if the character didn't make that choice.
This second exploration looks at what might have been if Doc hadn't made a certain choice...
"Two Steps Back"
He knew, reflecting back, he had had his chance so many years ago, and he had not found the courage to act upon it.
Sitting in the light of a single lamp in his kitchen, that very same kitchen, he gazed down upon yet another lonely meal. His face, permanently set in a scowl of distaste, could do nothing to hide the pain and loneliness that haunted his eyes. Years had gone by now, yet every time he sat in that kitchen to yet another silent meal eaten alone, Lousia's ghost came back to mock him for missing out on that one opportunity he had had to tell her how he really felt about her.
And he had missed his chance.
She had been long gone now. He didn't even know where. Her presence had never, ever left the streets of Portwenn. How he could even stay in the village was a mystery to everyone, but not to him. He never conquered the phobia. He'd lost the position in London. He had no where else to go. So he stayed in the village and stoically served his penance for being the fool that he was.
Over and over, year after year, he constantly asked himself why he hadn't acted when he could have. Oh, all the trades and journals and experts could have given a thousand damning, logical, medical, psychiatric reasons for his severe dysfunction. In the long run though he could only blame himself.
And sit there -night after night- eating his meals in silence, knowing things would never change.