The Girl Named Sorrow

by AMessofADreamerx

Deirdre just wants one thing: to be loved. Which is hard when you're the half-human daughter of the Sidhe Elder, feared by humans and hated by faeries. Her relationship with Arthur and Merlin begins with lies and sorcery but won't end that way. But how many hearts will break and lives lost before Dee realizes that the life she's always known isn't the life she has to live?

1. Prologue

The Girl Named Sorrow

PROLOGUE

My father has always called me a mistake. Half-breed. Disappointment. Humans called me evil. Monster. Sorcerer. My people have the same view as the Elder... and I've spent my whole life apologizing for it. Apologizing for looking like a human, apologizing for having Sidhe-magic, apologizing for having a kind heart. Maybe it's my humanity that causes me to see the Sidhe's cruelness. Half of which that resides in me and it terrifies me that one day it might take over.

How was I even created? Surely my father knew the abomination he was creating when he took human form for one night and played games with some beautiful woman, resulting in me nine months later, and her dying from trying to push out something as powerful as I was, despite being a halfling. My father the Sidhe elder sent a pixie to take care of me and I grew up right outside Avalon- for not possessing the power to see it on my own and not finding enough worth from others.

Being half of anything is a tricky business. What gene will be more dominate? Will I be human-size with blue skin and a pointy face? Or will I be 12 inches tall with human-sized arms? You'd think those were the questions to be asked, but like most Sidhe, only pleasure and pretty and their own self was thought of instead.

However thankfully I wasn't weirdly deformed in any sort of way. I was given the physical appearances of my mother, or so I was told by a momentarily nostalgic Father on my birthday. Thick brown curls and bright blue eyes. And it was the greatest compliment I was ever told because my father liked pretty things and my mother had been just that.

And despite all these things... despite the anger and cruelity of my father, the fear of becoming like him, the pain from human and Sidhe alike, I want to be accepted by them. By one of them. By someone. If I do this, if I can complete what my father asks of me, if I can get the Prince of Camelot to fall in love with me, I'll get that. I'll get a husband and I'll get the approval of my father. And what's the worse that could happen?

But the more I go along with this, the more I realize it's not going to be that simple. The Prince is in love someone else, I'm falling for a manservant, my father is growing impatient, and the magic I give to the visiting King of Murira and his men to have memories of his daughter when he only has seven boys is wearing thin. Plus the lies, the deceit, the deaths... I'm losing myself, just to be loved? Will love even be worth it then?

Though perhaps I'm getting a head of myself. Perhaps I should start from the beginning. Start from when I thought the goal was to marry Prince Arthur and get approval from my father and Merlin hadn't existed and I was so naive. Let's start when I intercept King Cyrus and his guards on the way to Camelot and plant the life I wish I had into his mind.

Everything started because of me, because of my selfish wish. Everything that happens here on out is my fault. It's on me, and to live with this knowledge is the punishment I must pay.