Numb.

That was the only thing Ishimaru could feel.

Although, could it really be called a feeling? He supposed it could. It made him acutely aware of the heaviness of his limbs, the beads of sweat along his brow, the tears that left long, salty trails down his cheeks and neck. That was feeling, right?

No. No, he should be feeling some emotion.

Just, what kind?

His best friend, his kyodai, was gone. Actually, "gone" wasn't really the right word for it. His body had been subjected to so many g-forces that it literally turned to butter. And Ishimaru had had to watch the entire fucking thing. In fact, he hadn't been able to tear his eyes away. God, he wished he'd be able to, but no, he couldn't, he had to see it to the end, he owed his brother that much.

On top of that, Mondo had admitted to killing Chihiro. No. No. It was an accident, a goddamn accident, he wasn't in his right mind, he hadn't meant to do it. He would never mean to do something so heinous, so horrible. Anyone could see that. God, Mondo had done jail time, sure, but…. And Mondo had loved Chihiro. That was obvious, fucking clear as day. He'd cared about her—him?—since the day they had arrived at the school. He'd taken Chihiro under his wing, kept Togami off her back, made her smile. You could see it in his eyes, he'd genuinely cared about her. Cared for her.

He would never have meant to hurt her.

But he did, and he admitted to it. He admitted his own goddamn weakness—Ishimaru hadn't thought he had any, but he was wrong. His brother, his kyodai kept secrets. Maybe if Ishimaru had known, he could have helped, could have eased some of the pain. But he hadn't. And he couldn't. So he didn't. And so Mondo's secrets ended up eating him from the inside out. And they ended up claiming another victim in the process.

Ishimaru clenched his fists. In one fell swoop his two best friends had been ripped from him.

So what fucking emotion was he supposed to be feeling right now?

Sorrow? Yes, he supposed that would have been a good candidate. He would never get to see Mondo's grin, hear Chihiro's laugh, joke around and chat with them. Never again.

Anger? Anger worked too. After all, none of this would have happened if Monobear hadn't threatened to reveal everyone's secrets to the world if no killing occurred. Anger was a perfectly valid emotion.

But no.

Ishimaru couldn't feel any of it.

Not a single.

Goddamn.

Thing.