Title: Perfervid
Author: Kitty-kitty
Summary: "Some of us have more important things to do with our time than engage in childish bickering over Hermione Granger's test scores."
Spoilers: All books
Rating: PG
Author Notes: So 's word of the day was "perfervid." OO It means 'ardent, impassioned, overwrought or exaggerated emotion.' … I needed to write about it oO
Perfervid
For the fifth time that day, Severus and Minerva were waging silent warfare on each other in the Staff Room. They were trying to be subtle about it, but the looks they were casting each other across the room spoke more words to the other teachers than if they'd caught the two mud-wrestling.
"So…" mumbled Poppy. "… what are you two arguing over?"
"Arguing?" asked Minerva. "Me? With Severus? Arguing? Not at all!"
"Some of us have more important things to do with our time than engage in childish bickering over Hermione Granger's test scores," said Severus from behind a stack of first year Gryffindor test papers. There was only the very edge of his elbow visible from behind them, but even that seemed to poke out smugly. Minerva scowled, and there was a thump beneath the table.
"OW! Minerva!" yelped Sybil Trelawney, suddenly drawn out of her ordinary trance-like state. "That was me!"
"I'm sorry, I thought the inner eye would predict it for you," snapped Minerva waspishly.
"… yes, well. The fates work in mysterious ways and no man may wield the power of clear sight to the future, lest he be corrupted by it," said Sybil, but her ordinarily dreamy voice had an irritated edge to it.
"I find it's best to just give Granger full marks and get on with correcting," said Agatha Sprout. "With the amount of time the girl spends in the library, it's not possible for her to fail."
"G-g-granger is very gifted b-but in my experience of p-p-potion brewing, experience doesn't c-come into it," started Quirrell.
"Shut up, Quirrell," said Minerva.
"I agree," muttered Severus.
"Oh, you agree to that?"
"Yes. I agree with you because for once you've said something logical. There's a chance I may just agree with you again should another logical thought occur to you," drawled Severus.
"You can shut up too, then," snarled Minerva. "The second you change Granger's mark. You're clearly being biased!"
"There's the pot calling the kettle black," Severus replied. Though Minerva's voice was beginning to reach richter scale levels, he had, if possible, gotten quieter.
"OH, SO YOU'RE BRINGING POTTER AND BLACK INTO IT NOW, ARE YOU?"
The other teachers shoved their chairs away from the table, and little professor Flitwick took refuge behind a footstool as Minerva smacked the test papers out of her way and sent them into messy piles on the floor. A page filled with Neville Longbottom's illegible scrawl landed on Severus's head.
"… what?" asked Severus. "What can I possibly do to pull you back into the world of the sane?"
"Oh, it's gone beyond Granger's test paper now!" growled Minerva. "This is personal!"
"… fine," said Severus. He pulled the paper from his head and began correcting it, putting huge, deliberate red marks across the words 'Neville Longbottom, first year Gryffindor, Potions test.' He then slowly and neatly wrote 'in future please answer questions in English. This is either an obscure dialect of Gobbledegook or the handwriting of a toddler.'
He looked up slowly and found Minerva McGonagall poised to strike, wand in one hand and a priceless vase dating back to the times of the Founders in another.
"I'm sorry, was there something else?" Severus asked. "Really, Minerva, you are perfervid today."
"… what's that? A pervert with a speech impediment?" said Minerva, momentarily distracted.
"Actually, perverfid is an adjective defined as 'ardent, impassioned, overwrought or exaggerated emotion. From the latin 'per' meaning through, thoroughly and 'fervidus' boiling, from 'fervere' to boil," said Pince from behind Hagrid, who had joined the rest of the staff in a huddle away from the table.
"SHHH!" hissed the rest of the staff.
"Hermione Granger was writing so much that she didn't complete the test in time. If you'll look, you'll notice that she answered 15 questions in full but there were 20 questions on the paper," said Dumbledore quietly, holding Hermione's test paper out to Minerva, who took it warily, as though she thought it would explode.
"Oh," she said in a small voice.
"I apologize, Severus, for nearly assaulting you with a vase," said Severus encouragingly, employing the tone most teachers would use hinting an answer to a student.
"I'm sorry," said Minerva, before adding under her breath, "sorry for not hitting him when I had the chance!"
"Hm…" mumbled Severus, "Neville Longbottom… marked a P."
"WHAT? WHY YOU-"
"SHUT UP, MINERVA!" roared the staff.