Largo
(The camera pans up to the "Biography" sign.)
Emilee: Welcome to Biography. Today, I, Emilee, and my co-host Katie-
(Emilee looks around.)
Emilee:
Who's not here…
(Katie stumbles in and hands a beer to Emilee.)
Katie:
Here, we'll need this…
Welcome! Today, we're telling
the long-lost story of-
(Katie freezes.
Emilee takes a LONG swig of beer.)
Emilee:
Largo.
(Emilee hits Katie's head.
Katie blinks and falls over.)
Emilee:
The reason Katie's so pale is because I have to show you Largo's baby
picture.
(Emilee starts to twitch.
Katie gets up.)
Katie:
NOOOO! For the love of meatloaf,
don't show the picture!
(Largo's baby picture flashes on screen. The camera man falls over dead, only to be
replaced by Kata-chan.)
Katie:
Largo *hack* was born to Mr. and Mrs. Bluesummers.
(Emilee sets down her beer can.)
Emilee:
That was a sad day for the world…
(Katie drains her beer can and throws it off stage, hitting
the director who is replaced by Michiru.)
Emilee:
Yes, Largo was an evil child…
Katie:
And fat.
(Emilee nods.)
Emilee:
And fat. And I'm afraid we now
have to show his pictre…
Katie:
NOOOOOO!!! Not more pictures!
Emilee:
At age two. Those with fragile
minds or young children are advised to turn off their TVs.
(Largo's picture flashes on screen, killing the unprepared
prop boy and all other members of the cast, except for the sound guy. Sasami and Hotaru walk onto stage and start
working on the props and lighting and other such things. Emilee picks up her empty beer can and
throws it at the sound guy, who falls over dead.)
Katie:
You just killed the last crew member.
Emilee:
Bring in some extras!
Katie:
The extras were killed by Largo's *hack hack* baby picture.
(Emilee blinks.)
Emilee:
Oh. Well, find someone!
(Hotaru leaves the set to find a replacement sound guy. Everyone stands around tapping their
feet. Katie starts whistling. Emilee kicks her.)
Emilee:
Stop it!
Katie:
…So…
Emilee:
So…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
So… tell me more about these dreams of yours…
Katie:
You don't wanna know.
Emilee:
Fine.
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
So…
Katie:
Yep…
Emilee:
When do you think she's gonna get back?
(Katie shrugs.
Emilee sighs.)
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
So…
Katie:
So…
Emilee:
Does Wolfwood like… cheese?
Katie:
Um…
(Katie sweatdrops.)
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
…
Katie:
…
Emilee:
Do you wanna know the meaning of life?
Katie:
Do you actually know the meaning of life?
Emilee:
Sure! My potato told me! It's simple, really. The meaning of life is-
(Hotaru bursts onto stage.)
Hotaru:
I found the replacement! When I
told him Emilee was working here, he screamed and ran. But I caught him!
Katie:
So bring him in!
(Hotaru pulls on a chain, and Zazie, who looks terrified,
walks in. Zazie looks at Emilee.)
Zazie:
YAAAAAAH!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Anything but
HER!
(Emilee zips across the room.)
Emilee:
ZAZIEZAZIEZAZIEZAZIEZAZIEZAZIEZAZIEZAZIEZAZIEZAZIEZAZIE!!!
(Zazie tries to run away, but Emilee glomps him.)
Emilee:
Zazie!
Zazie:
MAKE HER GO AWAY!!!
(Katie turns to Hotaru.)
Katie:
Why did you bring him here?!
Hotaru:
Sorry…
(Everyone but Katie, Emilee, and Zazie snicker.)
Katie:
We have to take a short commercial break to… restrain *HAAAACK*
our co-host.
