A/N: This was a little something I thought of after reading quite a few Akatsuki fics. I was actually inspired by firefly's stories. Her Akatsuki works are probably a hundred times better than this piece of crap that was conceived in about twenty minutes. Please go see her works if this absolutely digusts you.

I do find this a little bit humorous. C'mon, Kakuzu is obviously jealous of Hidan for one reason or another. Let's have it be for the Falls nin being so hideously ugly that he's jealous of Hidan's looks. Much violence and hilarity insues. (I hope...)

Title: Jealousy and Violence
Characters: Kakuzu, Hidan, random villagers
Genre: An attempt at humor...
Pairings: NONE. This is NOT a yaoi fic, so do not complain that I didn't pair them up. Get over yourselves.
Warnings: There is a ton of cursing in this. If there wasn't, Hidan would be completely OOC. Oh, that reminds me, I hope I didn't make either too OOC. Forgive me if I did.

Please enjoy the story!!

There was no one in the world that Kakuzu despised more than him. No, dispised was too weak. Hated was much more appropriate.

If he could've, Kakuzu would've killed the bastard at the first chance he got. But alas, he was paired with an immortal. A whiny, implacable immortal who just so happened to be babbling on about God (or Jashin) knows what at the moment. Hidan had the tendency to continue speaking way beyond the point where anyone cared anymore. Such was the case, Kakuzu noticed with a sigh.

"... so then the heathen tried to attack me, but I kicked her ass so hard she's still flying across the country... Hey, asshole, I'm talking to you!"

Kakuzu glanced over at him with a "Does-It-Look-Like-I-Care?" glare that only infuriated the zealot even more.

"Listen, you fu-"

He was cut off by the gates of a village towering over them. The silence was almost solid when they began walking through the magnificent structure. Kakuzu scowled at the lovestruck stalkers that had accumulated behind them almost as soon as they stepped through into the village. Teenage girls swooned over the silver haired man and tried to get a chance to talk with him. Of course, Hidan was as oblivious as they come and would ignore them.

'They're all whores anyway.' Kakuzu thought, disgusted.

Each of their steps attracted more fangirls. Kakuzu never understood why they would like Hidan. Sure, in a girl's eyes he was probably nice to look at, but try talking to him. You'd want to rip your own head off before he got around to it. At least, Kakuzu did from time to time. The main reason they probably liked him was because he would glance over to them and grin at them. They thought he found them attractive. He was thinking of using them for sacrifices.

"Oi, Kakuzu, why are these bitches following you?" Hidan asked innocently, picking up his strides.

What an inappropriate time to lose one's temper. The Falls nin turned on his partner in a rage, his patience worn thin. In one swift movement, Hidan's head was laying on the ground next to his own feet. All of the girls let out a shriek of fear and ran, scared of the malice in the man's eyes. Hidan was shouting a string of profanities at his partner, who was proceeding with ignoring him. Kakuzu took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. Everything was peaceful now that there were no more fangirl/stalkers/followers going after them. After a few seconds of reflecting on his work, Kakuzu lifted Hidan's head to eye-level,

"Is it possible for you to shut the hell up for ten seconds?"

"Fuck you, Kakuzu!" Hidan howled, attempting to bite the man's wrist, "That hurt like hell! God damn!"

Before anything else came from his mouth, a few shinobi appeared in front of them. After taking one look at the beheaded Hidan in Kakuzu's hands, they made their move. Kakuzu, however, was ready.

"I am not in the mood." He growled before raising his hands.

Threads burst out of him and animosity hung thick in the air. He was tired of being looked down upon compared to Hidan! That bastard will never be as skilled as he was! Yet he was the one being stuck with cleaning up the immortal's messes!

The ninjas all stopped simultaneously. A demonic look entered their opponent's eyes. No one dared breathe.

Correction: they were dead, so they couldn't breathe.

Hidan watched with mixed horror and admiration before coming back to the fact that he was still just a head.

"Kakuzu, you fucker! Put my head back on my body!"

The glare to the opposing ninjas made it's way over to him,

"If you don't shut the hell up, I will kill you." Kakuzu snarled as he picked up the immortal's head.

"As if you could, Kakuzu!" Was the snarky response.

He felt the grip tighten around his neck and his mouth snapped shut. No one could see Kakuzu smirking triumphantly under his mask. When Hidan's head was back on, they began to head out again. A few foolish people began to tail them. The anger was beginning to rise up within him. These simple, misguided people. How could they possibly fall for Hidan? Maybe if the bastard actually wore a shirt, they wouldn't have to go through this.

This time, Kakuzu whirled around with a snarl. He had ripped his mask off and watched as they all ran away, mortified. After he gained his cool, he faced Hidan.

"God, Kakuzu, I think they shit themselves!"

"..."

"Damn, in looks you score shit. In the ability to scare fucking fangirls," Hidan let out a chuckle, "I gotta hand it to you. I've never seen a girl run that fucking fast in my life."

"So in otherwords, I'm a hideous Halloween decoration."

"Fuck yeah. Scared the shit outta me at first."

The masked man's eyes glinted in the light, "Hidan."

"What?"

"Run. Now."

Even as an immortal, Hidan picked up the pace. Who wanted that ugly bastard after their ass, anyway?