Kinky Safe Sex Education
England had been lounging in bed, calmly reading a good book when the bedroom door had been slammed open and America, as full of energy and cheer as always practically bounced into the room.
He threw himself on the bed – jostling England something hideously – and grinned widely. England answered the grin with a glare as he put his bookmark in place and closed the book.
"What is it you want now, America?" he asked before he put the book on the night stand. If he knew his lover, and he did, he wouldn't get back to reading any time soon.
"I just thought of something we could use to spice up our love life with!" America said brightly. Then he looked thoughtful. "Not that it isn't awesome already, but you know, maybe we can make it even more awesome!" he continued. England sighed and rubbed his forehead. Bollocks.
"Alright then," he said, "what, pray tell, have you acquired for this particular purpose?" He turned towards America who was bouncing on the bed, the bloody child.
"Ta-dah!" was the only reply England got before a box was shoved into his face. He sputtered indignantly and wrenched it out of America's hand to get a better look at it. It was a cock ring. Lovely.
"America..." he trailed off, unsure of what to say. A cock ring? Where had America been shopping anyway? BDSM-R-US? Arthur rolled his eyes at the thought of such a store. "What, exactly, do you think the purpose of a cock is?" The question made America blink a few times as he thought it over.
"To stop orgasm? Y'know, so when you finally take it off, the orgasm gets really intense and stuff?" America answered with a shrug. England noted, with slight annoyance, that America was already starting to remove his clothing.
"... That's not what you use a cock ring for." England could feel his face heat slightly as he spoke and hoped that once he was done explaining, America wouldn't ask him how he knew this.
"Huh, seriously? Because in this fic I read-," he started, but England cut him off before he could even finish that sentence.
"Good lord, America." He rolled his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his nerves a bit. He really didn't want to give his lover a safe sex talk about kinky things, but it would seem like he had no choice.
"A cock ring is primarily used to maintain an erection for a longer period of time or to delay orgasm. Delay, mind you, not stop," he said while carefully judging America's reaction to what he said. America nodded and looked thoughtful, prompting England to continue.
"Furthermore, you're not supposed to use one for longer than twenty to thirty minutes. Using if for too long can, well, cause priapism which is a medical emergency. And if that isn't treated fast enough, it can lead to gangrene, which in turn can lead to permanent damage to your cock… or even the need to amputate it." America's eyes widened in horror and he stared at the little box in England's hand.
"Holy fuck..." he muttered even as he slid out of his pants. Yeah, that was pretty damn horrible, still wasn't going to stop him from getting it on with his boyfriend.
"Yes, it's very important to be careful when you're dealing with this kind of thing, America, and – are you still undressing?" England cut himself off in surprise. America turned a blinding Hollywood grin towards him and grabbed the box from England's hand.
"I want you, baby, right here, right now. Nothing's gonna stop me." His grin turned slightly mischievous. "But we're skipping this thing," he said and threw the box containing the cock ring over his shoulder.
England hardly had time to protest before America was kissing him and getting him out of his pyjamas. He felt America grin as they kissed, but then the silly man did that thing with his tongue and England's thoughts just short-circuited.
"We don't need that shit anyway," America murmured between kisses. "But what do you say about riding me?"
THE END.
De-anon from the kink-meme. Written after seeing cock rings used as magical orgasm stoppers for hours at a time. COCK RINGS DON'T WORK THAT WAY.
Be safe people, sex is about pleasure and having fun. Not ending up in the emergency room because you have no clue what you're doing.